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Substance Abuse
Boundaries: It's Killing Me to Say "No"
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<blockquote data-quote="seek" data-source="post: 714142" data-attributes="member: 22002"><p>It's very complicated for me. It has to do with my childhood wounds, my fears, my love for him, and my BELIEFS - which I need to change (and this is what I am looking to do here). I was in 12 step for years and don't dig that anymore (too sad). I don't see myself as "sick." I do see that I have beliefs that are counterproductive to me and maybe to him (that is what I need to convince myself of).</p><p></p><p>I believe that generosity is a virtue, for instance (and in this case, it is not - so I must modify it - not easy when I have so many things that could benefit him).</p><p></p><p>It's all very confusing to me.</p><p></p><p>He posted something on FB which made me believe he is feeling bad and that pains me. I am an empath and I can feel the pain of others - especially those I love. I know that boundaries are necessary here - I have techniques I use to help me with boundaries - need way more.</p><p></p><p>If "God almighty" came down from Heaven to say: "Do not ever do this again," or "Do this" - it would be helpful, but NO - I have to struggle to figure out what is RIGHT for both of us. That is so hard to do. I can't tell, in any given moment, if what I am doing or thinking is RIGHT. That's my biggest problem.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="seek, post: 714142, member: 22002"] It's very complicated for me. It has to do with my childhood wounds, my fears, my love for him, and my BELIEFS - which I need to change (and this is what I am looking to do here). I was in 12 step for years and don't dig that anymore (too sad). I don't see myself as "sick." I do see that I have beliefs that are counterproductive to me and maybe to him (that is what I need to convince myself of). I believe that generosity is a virtue, for instance (and in this case, it is not - so I must modify it - not easy when I have so many things that could benefit him). It's all very confusing to me. He posted something on FB which made me believe he is feeling bad and that pains me. I am an empath and I can feel the pain of others - especially those I love. I know that boundaries are necessary here - I have techniques I use to help me with boundaries - need way more. If "God almighty" came down from Heaven to say: "Do not ever do this again," or "Do this" - it would be helpful, but NO - I have to struggle to figure out what is RIGHT for both of us. That is so hard to do. I can't tell, in any given moment, if what I am doing or thinking is RIGHT. That's my biggest problem. [/QUOTE]
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Boundaries: It's Killing Me to Say "No"
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