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Boundaries Of The Heart
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 634501" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>HLM, I only have one child too, my difficult child daughter, turning 42 the end of this year.......it's been a rough ride at times and there are still moments if I give any thought at all to it, it can hurt my heart in a way that nothing else can. I too have been at this for a long time, the devastation of it and the detaching of it and from where I stand now, I think those moments of having our heartstrings pulled simply get less and less frequent......longer periods of time between the hurts. </p><p></p><p> My difficult child lives in a very different Universe, responds very differently to life and makes choices I will likely never understand. We are separate people leading separate lives which often do not intercept in any meaningful way. The sorrow of that is something I actively <em>choose </em>not to allow (much). But, as you stated, sometimes it just slips in and I simply have to ride that wave to shore until I am safely back on level ground.</p><p></p><p>All I can do now is accept those moments you speak of, they seem to be a part of this landscape I live on ............I can't control any of it, however, I can usually choose how to interpret it and how to respond to it...........recognizing that, for the most part, misery is optional. </p><p></p><p>Something that helps me is a comment made at a workshop I took many years ago. The facilitator was a political leader from another country who had been in jail for quite awhile for his views, he was a writer and an educator. His opening line at a 3 day workshop was this, "Suffering is a linguistic phenomenon, it happens in our languaging." I never forgot that line, I have thought about it a lot over the years.........it's helped me quite a bit in relation to my daughter. Just knowing I have choices in how I feel and respond is a huge help.</p><p></p><p>I hope your day tomorrow is a really good one........sending you good thoughts..........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 634501, member: 13542"] HLM, I only have one child too, my difficult child daughter, turning 42 the end of this year.......it's been a rough ride at times and there are still moments if I give any thought at all to it, it can hurt my heart in a way that nothing else can. I too have been at this for a long time, the devastation of it and the detaching of it and from where I stand now, I think those moments of having our heartstrings pulled simply get less and less frequent......longer periods of time between the hurts. My difficult child lives in a very different Universe, responds very differently to life and makes choices I will likely never understand. We are separate people leading separate lives which often do not intercept in any meaningful way. The sorrow of that is something I actively [I]choose [/I]not to allow (much). But, as you stated, sometimes it just slips in and I simply have to ride that wave to shore until I am safely back on level ground. All I can do now is accept those moments you speak of, they seem to be a part of this landscape I live on ............I can't control any of it, however, I can usually choose how to interpret it and how to respond to it...........recognizing that, for the most part, misery is optional. Something that helps me is a comment made at a workshop I took many years ago. The facilitator was a political leader from another country who had been in jail for quite awhile for his views, he was a writer and an educator. His opening line at a 3 day workshop was this, "Suffering is a linguistic phenomenon, it happens in our languaging." I never forgot that line, I have thought about it a lot over the years.........it's helped me quite a bit in relation to my daughter. Just knowing I have choices in how I feel and respond is a huge help. I hope your day tomorrow is a really good one........sending you good thoughts.......... [/QUOTE]
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