Well, here we go again. The wonderful boyfriend I posted about stood her up today. He was supposed come get her and take her to the city. They were going to ride the train down, hang out in Times Square and have dinner. He never showed up or called. I felt so badly for her. She was beyond mad. She decided to look for someone else to hang out with. She ended up with the loser down the street, he is a crip gang member. Another one of her smart decisions! She has been in and out of my house all night. She and the loser down the street went to pick up her friend up from her last placement. She is spending the night. Oh yay!!! Of course it's not a good idea to hang out with this girl. She is a nice girl, always polite and I know her family well. We got to know each other while they were in placement together. I just feel the two of them together equals trouble. When she left I told her to be home at 1am. Her normal curfew is midnight, but she hounded me until I finally caved. So, her and her friend walk, or should I say, storm in the door at 12:30am. She and I have an argument that spills outside onto the porch. She wants to come home a 2am. I say absolutely NOT. If they are not in the house by 1am they will both be locked out. She screamed at me and punched the siding of the house, woke up a few of the neighbors I'm sure, and stormed off. Aaah, the fun begins. She ended up coming home a few minutes early. Slams the door open with no consideration for everyone else in the house who are sleeping and begins to heat up pizza. Complaining the whole time because there is no soda left. Mind you I bought three 2 liters today. Of course while heating up the pizza she is making as much noise as possible. She then begins to nag at me to drive them to the friends house. AT 1:30 IN THE MORNING, I DON'T THINKS SO!!! They are now up in her room and I am praying for some peace. I am tired and I so desperately want some down time. I hate living with her!!! She has gotten high again. Last night she came home with the munchies and a nasty, nasty attitude. She was very snippy and even paranoid. She used to get paranoid before and I always thought it was the Concerta she was on. I was wrong, it was the weed. She was doing really well until she starting smoking again. She bugged out on me thinking I was giving her looks and gesturing to my sister. I told her that the weed was making her paranoid, that just led her to get more irate. I don't know if it's the weed itself or the combination of weed mixed with all of her medications. In any event my life is hell again. Woe is me. I am just so worn out and tired of this chaos. I have been fighting with her and for her for so many years, I just don't have it in me any longer. I am utterly drained and dread all of my tomorrows. When is this going to end? I WANT MY F*****G LIFE BACK!!! I know there is a full out rage coming. It's in the air, I can feel it. I am so not up for it. My desire for trying to help her has run out. I now want to shield myself as well as the rest of my family from her craziness. When she is living at home you can feel the tension in the air. My neighbor once told me that when my daughter is away (Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or hospital) I look brighter and healthy, when she is home I look sick and drained. I feel sick and drained. She thinks she is the only one counting down the days until her 18th birthday, I can't wait either. I only hope I will have the courage to kick her out!!! I just truly do not want to live with her anymore. She drains the life right out of me, saps all of my energy and desire to live. Truthfully, that is how I feel. I cannot bear (bare?) another day of this. Then I think about my poor son who must live in the middle of this storm. It's so not fair to him, or any of us, even her for that matter. She infringes upon every aspect of all of our lives. My sister, who lives downstairs with my 12yo nephew gets it just as bad as I do. She is a trooper, I would truly die without her. She is a great support to me and my difficult child. I just feel so badly that she endures this as well. I want to pack my bags and leave on a jet plane and never look back. I would even sing that song as I am walking out the door. The only thing I want to take with me is my son. He is such a sweet kid. I feel horrible for hating my life so much because he is a blessing. He makes me smile everyday!!! Oh, did I forget to mention that my difficult child has minor experience with prostitution? Yup, she wasn't even ashamed to tell me. She told me while on a week long awol from her first Residential Treatment Center (RTC) 2 years ago she masturbated a man for a hundred dollars. I was sick to my stomach!!! Still am. She was so proud that she made that much money. I am horrified. In her twisted logic, she doesn't see this as prostitution as she didn't actually have sex or oral sex with the guy!!! Who is this kid? I am shocked. She has no self respect whatsoever and doesn't even see that. I can only imagine what she has done in her short lifetime that I am not aware of. Truthfully, I don't even want to know!!! She is going to be the death of me yet. So, in a nutshell - PLEASE SHOOT ME!!! Sorry for the long vent, I am just feeling very suffocated right now and needed to unload a little. (or a lot) Thanks so much for listening. Oh, I am willing to pay for strong drugs, any hook ups - please PM me!!!