Boys Town???

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Jun 18, 2011.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Does anyone have experience with them or familiar with their program and entry requirements?

    I've been looking online about them and it looks like they are an agency for kids that have been abused or neglected or are at high risk for it. It talks about domestic violence but it appears they are refering to the violence being done to the kid, not by the kid. Anyone know??
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I didnt get that impression when I talked to them years ago. Just call them. They have a commercial that runs on my TV all the time.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    OK- I did run across something on their website that said sometimes the kid/family were referred by juvenile justice systems and dss when a child "was in a dangerous situation"- well- that could mean Department of Juvenile Justice felt like the kid couldn't succeed without removal from home but it usually takes Department of Juvenile Justice contracting them out and I know there's no way this Department of Juvenile Justice system is going to pay for difficult child to do this- they won't pay for our local Residential Treatment Center (RTC)- they won't pay for any for difficult child and never would.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Boys Town has a LOT of funding sources. It does NOT have to be all Department of Juvenile Justice or dss funding. I know because I called them 5 yrs ago about sending Wiz. They said it was possible but also suggested I try a local place first. I had him almost admitted wehn we decided to let my folks have a chance. I doubt BT could be worse than your bro or bringing him home or even a group home. So give it a shot. It cannot hurt to check it out. I met a couple of kids here who spent time there and it really ehlped them.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I will call- I'm not getting my hopes built up but there's nothing to lose by checking into it. The first issue is whether or not difficult child "qualifies", the second is funding, the third is whether or not PO and his super would go for it. And you know, these aren't the wisest people in this state's CSU.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    No personal experience to share but overall good vibes from what I've heard over the years. The one closest to me has a close affiliation with the Sheriff's dept. but don't know if they all do. I would guess their web site has alot of info. DDD
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    When I talked to them, funding wasnt even the biggest issue on agenda. The biggest deal is can they help your son and would they be the right placement for him.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I have it on my list to call them tomorrow. I really hope there's a chance that this would be appropriate for difficult child and he could have them involved. I just feel like I have tried for so many things over the last 5-6 years only to end up disappointed, I really don't want another let-down, Know what I mean??

    I wrote difficult child today about the current plan by PO and mentioned that I was looking into Boys Town, too. I stressed to him that if by chance, he does get approved for a group home, this would be to allow a gradual re-unification and that I'm not turning my back on him. He won't be shocked but you know this goes, I'm sure it will still hurt. I hated to do it thru a letter but difficult child is the one who says he prefers it that way, so he can calm down from anger before reacting to me when I have something bad or hard to tell him. His counselor says that's a good sign so I'm going along with it.
  9. Boys Town

    Boys Town New Member

    Hi klmno,

    We do certainly assess all of the kids and families who come to us needing help - and often times it is the child who has the behavior issues. We have an entire program dedicated to working with juvenile offenders. You canalways contact our general admissions department at 1-800-989-0000.

    Please let us know how we can help and we wish you all the best as you work to find help for a child in need.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm not sure who put up the last post, but I have called. It sounds like a great program and an environment that could really serve difficult child well- truly an "in-between" place from Department of Juvenile Justice and home in a family environment. I guess they adjust the cost based on a number of items and they don't determine that until after it's an application is reviewed and accepted. It's not a locked environment so I don't know that PO would go along with this without keeping difficult child monitored by a PO there (difficult child would have to go to one out of state). Still, all that is possible if PO would go along with it. Logically, any fool would consider it better and holding difficult child no less acountable than one of Department of Juvenile Justice's group home's here. But, again, our CSU doesn't base decisions on logic. Anyway, I have put a call into PO to see if he would consider this before I pursue it further. Let's just say I won't be shocked if they won't consider it- remember how they hung up my plans for the HI move and difficult child going to a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) before when I even had funding lined up for it. Not their idea = kid doesn't go, typically.

    The application has to include a recent psychiatric evaluation- not sure how I could pull that off but I might be able to get one done on difficult child while he's incarcerated. They need a social hx by a MH professional but said they'd accept one by the school psychiatric. Here's the big thing- difficult child has to want to go and has to write a letter saying that he does and what he wants to get out of it, etc.
  11. seriously

    seriously New Member

    Interesting. I see one of their 5 elements of the program is "Supporting children and families in religious practices and values". Does that mean Catholic values or what?

    Wonder if they reject kids who are self-identified as gay or gay-headed families.
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I doubt they require a specific religious belief- I have no problem with encouraging a kid or family to believe in a higher power. As far as whether or not they discriminate on sexuality, I don't know but I guess I assumed they couldn't if they are non-profit and publicly supported, but I'm not sure. As they say in substance abuse programs, I don't care if a person chooses to believe in a chair if it works for them! I wouldn't want my son encouraged to be prejuduice though but since he never has been and wasn't raised that way, I seriously doubt any program could make him think otherwise at his stubborn age of 16.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont think Boys Town is Catholic Charities. I have no idea which religious foundation it is associated with and at this point, I wouldnt worry. Cory was at a wilderness camp run by a baptist childrens group and we arent baptist. I needed help and they werent

    K...I believe that post was put up by someone from Boys Town who some how found your post on the internet. Most probably by a webcrawler. In other words, their website was linked back from this website and someone there came to help you...I believe. I think that was awfully nice. I would print out that information they gave you to give to the judge and hopefully that will allow you to access this help.
  14. seriously

    seriously New Member

    Didn't mean to imply any criticism or knowledge. Just was wondering about how it is structured. I expect you're right about the 12-step approach to spirituality but they don't say spirituality. They say religion and religious practices. That would appear to imply something different than generic spirituality.

    Catholic Charities and Salvation Army both are structured so that they can refuse to employ people who are gay. Whether they actively discriminate against them in delivering social services is a separate question but one has to wonder how a the corporate culture that says it's a sin to be gay could avoid affecting their delivery of services.
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I agree Janet. It certainly speaks well of the organization to reach out to parents in crisis and extend a hand. DDD
  16. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    OK- a few minor updates-

    I poked around more on their website. They were started by a priest but evidently aren't run by Catholic Charities, although I can't be sure if they might not get some help from them. (Go to their website and read the history portion for background.) They are still directed by a priest. However, they have their own "village" with their own fire dept and police dept (both needed near difficult child LOL!), a catholic chapel, and a protestant chapel, a school, medical facilities, and homes. Ok- so difficult child can choose which chapel he wants to go to, if he ever got there. They also advertsie being an EEO with zero tolerance for discrimination.

    PO called. Obviously I've gotten the greenest one ever here this time. He now says difficult child can't qualify for the 2 group homes run by Department of Juvenile Justice in this state because he isn't 17 yet. Never mind that the soonest difficult child could possibly be released is late Nov. and he'll be 17 2 mos later. He said there is a program in this area for offenders that has a group home near me and helps those recently released get re-integrated into the community and back with their families, so now he's going to refer that but it makes no difference right now, he doesn't have to have that referral in until 4 mos before difficult child's release. I looked online and I only find a program like that for adults being released from prison, nothing for juveniles, but maybe it's just not online.

    He'd never heard of Boys Town but wasn't slamming the idea. He told me to print out some info on it and he'd run it by his super.

    Since difficult child has to want to go, I'm going to discuss the way they run things with him. If he will agree to pursue it, I am going to go for it. Or at least keep pursuing it until/unless I find out something contrary to what I've been finding out about it. It really sounds to me like the way they run things is exactly what difficult child needs and even what CSU wants me to do, but KOI- I can't be a therapuetic mom 24/7 and work and provide for difficult child, too. Most, if not all, of their "homes" are run by a married couple and while that might sound too politically correct or traditional, difficult child has never had that and could really benefit from a man being there in as much a father role as a guard. Since difficult child was in middle school, the only males he's had in his life are strictly authoritative figures or other juvenile offenders. Not good. Too black & white- either a man is good or bad- you know- the male version of Madonna/w***e. That can't help his self-identity or confidence in himself that he can turn things around.

    I know it's a long shot and I'm seriously trying hard not to get my hopes built up, but if difficult child is willing, I'm going to send an app in. If he gets accepted and PO has issue, I've decided I will let it go to court to explain why I think it's in difficult child's best interest, and the community's. Furthermore, it's one thing to deny Residential Treatment Center (RTC) when a kid has outstanding charges, it's another to justify not letting a kid go to Boys Town if he wants to and he's just getting released from paying his price to society. Never mind that the offense was against me, not the community- I ought to have some say so in it. I'm still his Mom, too.

    Placement doesn't automatically go before the judge in this case if difficult child stays within CSU and my custody because the last judge never took custody away from me or turned difficult child over to dss or said that it needed to be re-evaluation'd upon his release from incarceration. So, the only reason difficult child/I would have to go to court is if 1) one of us doesn't comply with what PO orders, 2) difficult child re-offfends, 3) I got put in jail or did something stupid or refused to let difficult child come home (officially) and PO felt he had no choice but to pursue turning difficult child over to dss. That being said, I can do what I did in the last jurisdiction and request (hound them until I get it, aka beg) an administrative hearing to basicly go over the PO's head if I have evidence in hand that what I'm trying to provide for difficult child is better for him and everyone else in the world than what PO has ordered. But that doesn't mean I'd win. They tend to lean more toward backing up juvenile CSU here than they do anything- I think they look at it like because they deal with families, it's more important to show that they stick to each others' decisions than to consider over-riding a POs order, right or wrong. Like married people should back each other up to the kids, even when one has made a mistake or questionable decision.

    So, I guess we'll see. At least it's a tiny shot.

    thank you so much DJ!!!

    Sorry this post got so long....
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2011
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am really hoping this works out for you K.
  18. seriously

    seriously New Member

    Yes, it sounds like it is a terrific resource and I hope it works out.
  19. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope this works out as well, k, I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

    by the way, "Boys' Town" is one of my favorite old movies (Spencer Tracy, Mickey Rooney). If you want to see the Hollywood version of how it was founded, I recommend checking it out :)
  20. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    thank you, Ladies! I'll drop off some stuff about it to PO and see what he says and I'll send a couple of things to difficult child, too, write him, and talk to him in person about it. I'll do my best in presenting it in a promising way to difficult child and reinforce to him that I would still be in his life, I'm not trying to send him off and "be done with him", then all I can do is leave it up to difficult child, I guess. They told me he HAS to want it. I think I'll also point out to difficult child that while he might have a chance to go now, if he doesn't go after release then re-offends, there's no way any court would let him go in lieu of Department of Juvenile Justice since he's already been in Department of Juvenile Justice twice.

    If, in the mean time, any one else has any other ideas (keeping in mind I can't foot the bill for a wilderness camp or Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and difficult child has an extensive Department of Juvenile Justice record, although technically he's still classified as non-violent), I'd love to hear them!! (Just in case this doesn't work!)