Boys will be boys?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Dec 29, 2008.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yesterday, we had dinner at our fave Italian restaurant, the one where I painted all the murals, and where the owner keeps boxes of rice pasta on hand just for us.
    difficult child often plays in the owner's ofc, on the PS2. I do not like it, but it does allow husband and I to have adult conversations, and we do have difficult child come out and eat with-us when the food is served. He mostly races cars.

    difficult child had a friend, H, eat with-us. (He also stayed overnight.)
    This kid is adorable but quite a handful. He calls every 5 seconds. You'll say, "difficult child isn't here right now. He'll be home in an hr." and H will call back in 2 min. It goes on all day. Very ADHD, very Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), but not antisocial at all. In fact, very social. I can see why he and difficult child like one another. They match ea others' energy levels, at least!:sick:

    Anyway, after dinner, I came out of the ladies' rm to find the owner and his son standing in the kitchen door, having a heated discussion, which they drew me into. I had no idea that his son was even there. So that means that all 3 boys were in the back in the ofc. for about an hr. Argh.

    Owner's son says that H yelled at him and told him he was gay. (This is the age when those epithets start to fly.) Owner's son says he did not reply and just walked away.

    Owner starts to blow a gasket. He wants to know why his son didn't pop H one in the jaw.

    I tell Son that I can go out to the car and get H and have him apologize, because you can't go into someone's home or biz and be mean to them. They were opening their doors to us, offering us food, and games, which are basically off-limits but which they allow anyway, and H took advantage.

    He was embarrassed and said no.

    Owner says H is no longer allowed in restaurant.

    I suggest bringing in difficult child to apologize by proxy, because he could have intervened. And it's his friend. And if he is coming back, we need to set things straight.

    Owner says this is a good idea, because if I don't do something, he will, and it won't be pretty. (He is a stereotyped Sicilian. He yells at everyone, forgets to shave, kicks in his own car door when he's angry, has high blood pressure ... he could be on a TV show.)

    So I go out to the car, where everyone is waiting, and get difficult child and H insists he come along. (Good move, H.)

    We all meet in front of the bar (luckily, there were very few customers, but I'm sure we provided the evening's entertainment). Son leaves and heads for the bathroom. Owner wants to know what happened, calls son back. He slinks back.

    The boys begin the typical, "He said it first," thing. (I KNEW that was going to happen. In fact, I warned H that no matter who started it, he HAS to apologize because the owner is going to kick him out and he needs to take the high road. He understood.)

    Supposedly, son started it and H responded. Owner and I both said, "Then why didn't you just ignore it, or call one of us?"
    Owner emphasized that you should always call an adult when something happens. I agreed.

    Then we asked difficult child why he didn't do anything. "I didn't do anything!" he echoed. It was actually kind of funny. He truly didn't get it.
    "That's the point," I said. "You could have intervened and told them to stop." :laugh::ashamed:

    Owner told him that he is the oldest and needs to take a leading role. That was actually a good thing to tell difficult child. It took away the blame and gave him a different perspective.
    Anyway, Owner had them all shake hands and we left.

    We get home, and difficult child is playing Sims on his new computer. My computer friend not only designed a special computer for difficult child for Christmas, but also loaded in programs. He was concerned that Sims would be "too girly."
    NOT! For those of you that haven't heard of it, you build a house from the ground up, create a family, go to work, and figure out the finances.

    difficult child figures out that if you light off figureworks, you can set the house on fire. What fun! But, although the smaller fireworks set fire to the floor, which he can extinguish, he forgot to put a roof on the house, so the bottle rockets fly safely off.

    Then he drowns the little girl, by accident, by forgetting to put a ladder in the pool. He erects a huge monument for her in the back yard.
    I'm wondering if we should change the name "Sims" to "The Addams Family."
    He tells me that mom is the breadwinner; she is a semi-pro soccer player. Dad is depressed and won't look for a job. There is a newspaper with-classified ads on the kitchen table but he won't look at it.

    He gets bored with-that family, so he creates next-door-neighbors. The guy is military. difficult child decides he wants to try out the fire-setting thing again, successfully sets the entire house on fire, and then one of the family members walks into it and is burned to death. :(

    Anyone who says that modern video games and movies have no influence on kids is completely out of their mind. This is just like the movies on TV, in the theaters, and reason I do not like difficult child playing PS2 to begin with.
    Except now, he is doing it on his own. I mean, who would have thought Sims would be a violent game?

    My computer friend is going to think this is hysterically funny, because his wife and daughter are obsessed with-this game and would never dream of creating these scenarios.

    I'm wondering whether I should delete it.
    And should I send the friend home first?

    Isn't Christmas vacation fun? :anxious::surprise::faint:
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Wow- what a hectic day!! FWIW- my son was playing Sims for a while- I can't remember if it was on the easy child version or a PS2 version (we had both at different times), but I thought it was a "Safe" game for kids until I saw that the characters could have sex. Not that it shows nudity (I don't think, at least), but it shows movements.

    As far as the restaurant event- if the boys just had words, I'm not sure the owner didn't over-react. Anyway, it sounds like H or the Son must have been way out of line at some point. Your difficult child probably didn't know how to react to it. The term "gay" is used a lot by boys these days (I have learned) and doesn't necessarily mean that the user of the word is implying anything about homosexuality, but it's still derogatory. You probably knew that already- I'm still learning this generation's slang terminology!
  3. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Oh Terry, I have to say, I am cracking up while typing!!! You are funny!!!

    I am confused - who wanted to pop H? Not the owner right??? That would be so wrong!!!

    I am so sorry, I can only imagine how much fun dinner was!! Like you said, you were definitely the entertainment that's for sure. It's good that you were able to resolve the matter right then and there. At least you can still go have dinner at your favorite restaurant. Hopefully he will still get you that rice pasta!!! lol

    My daughter used to play the sims when it first came out. I don't think you were able to blow up things back then. She would just keep on re-decorating the house and re-dressing the people. My 7 yo son now wants that game. So thanks to this thread - HE WON'T BE GETTING IT!!! LOL What happened to the days of Pac-Man, Asteroids and Pong for pete's sake??? Jeeeeesh

    I am also counting down the days for vacation to END!!! I have my nephew, my son and my step-son who is up from Fl. and they are very busy!!!! The noise level in my house is causing me to buy Advil in bulk!!!

    Hang in there. :)
  4. maril

    maril New Member

    Oh, how much fun Christmas vacation is (not!). I am glad things worked out at the restaurant. Good thinking by the adults.

    I remember my kids playing the Sims game and it was interesting to see what scenarios they came up with. In general, boys (at least from my observations/in my opinion) thrive on that rough and tough stuff.

    I do agree with you about movies and games having an impact on young minds. I used to cringe when my son was big time into the series of PS2 Grand Theft Auto games along with his friends. Nasty stuff. Tried to discourage it, of course, but my son and his friends were attracted to those particular games. Fortunately, at that time, my son did spend a lot of his free time in sports, and he got out and away from the PS2 games.

    Hope all goes well until school starts again!!!
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Something must be wrong with my son. He thinks Sims is "boring." NOT! Well, I'm not going to show him how to spice it! My son likes "chase" games anyway, so they're pretty safe.
    I think the owner REALLY overreacted. I don't like the word "gay" being used to mean "dumb" because it's indicating bad things about gays, and I think people are born that way and can't help it. However, I can't deny that the word flies around here and sometimes I'm too apathetic to correct them. If my kid called me "gay" I'd probably have trouble not laughing.
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    And I have to ask again, isn't it time for these kids to go back to SCHOOL?! :D

    It's interesting to me Terry that your difficult child is still trying to light fires, albeit they are virtual now. But the attraction is still there. My difficult child 1 is attracted to weapons. Knives, guns, arrows. He makes references to shooting things at least once or twice a week. The only things he has are Nerf guns, though. And some Halloween-type swords.

    Our games here are mostly limited to mild violence (Super Smash Bros) and fantasy-role play like Pokemon or Runescape. Sort of pre-defined and not a lot of room for your own experimentation. I wonder what my kids would come up with if we had a game like Sims to play. It might reveal a lot!

    The restaurant owner sounds like a typical Italian meat head -- I've got a brother in law like that. I think you handled the situation admirably.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    the characters could have sex. Not that it shows nudity (I don't think, at least), but it shows movements.

    Are you kidding me? Holy cow! OMG, no one told me that. Isn't there a kids' version? It's only a matter of time b4 he figures that out ...
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am confused - who wanted to pop H? Not the owner right??? That would be so wrong!!!

    Oh, yeah---it was the owner. The stereotyped Sicilian in the dirty white apron. Shouting. If I made this into a book, would it be too stereotyped?

    At least you can still go have dinner at your favorite restaurant. Hopefully he will still get you that rice pasta!!! lol

    True! :)
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Grand Theft Auto games

    Yes, this is one of our least favorites. It lets the kids be the bad guys. Too confusing for an aspie kid like mine. He doesn't "get" so many things in society anyway. Sigh.
    I hate that game. Hate it, hate it, hate it.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I think the owner REALLY overreacted. I don't like the word "gay" being used to mean "dumb" because it's indicating bad things about gays, and I think people are born that way and can't help it.

    Yes, he always overrreacts. Funny that his son is so different. Then again, maybe not ... just a matter of degree ...

    In reg to gay, the kids' minds didn't even go that far. I think it's just the new slang term for wuss or idiot or something.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    It's interesting to me Terry that your difficult child is still trying to light fires, albeit they are virtual now.

    I know. I thought of that but was trying not to read too much into it.
    We had him light all the candles on Christmas Eve, and the fire in the fireplace, and he did fine, and then went into the LR to play PS2 football. So far, so good.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Terry,
    I can just imagine my difficult child if he had that game-he would find a way to make it be violent. I think you handled the whole restaurant thing very well! I'd definitely say it's time for break to be over at your house! I'm not quite ready only because it means I have to go back too not because difficult child isn't driving me crazy-he is!
  13. My money says, delete the game. Everyone else on the planet can think your difficult child's scenarios are "hysterically funny", but if you think it's feeding into your son's issues, then dump the game. Games that aren't a problem for most children can be a problem with mine, so they just go. I'm incredibly cheap and don't like getting rid of anything, but games sometimes have to go here. And by the way -- husband (the gamer supreme here) said he wouldn't even allow Grand Theft Auto in the house (and he has not said that about any other game) and difficult child's psychiatric also said we should never get it. Good luck.
  14. lillians

    lillians lillians

    my mkids call each other gay,, it has no meaning other than a name to call,, something they hear adults say is awful,, ,, sill prop,, kids use words much differently that in the past,,
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    We talked to difficult child about the "gay" word last night. He said it was just a regular insult, and in fact, the owner's son was insulting him, because he was in a tank and wouldn't get out. He ignored it, and his friend, H, came to his defense and retorted, "No, you're gay."
    That's how the whole thing started.
    I have no idea why Son had to tattle, except that they were not playing his way. Oh well, it's over now.
  16. 4timmy

    4timmy New Member

    OMG!! This is so funny! My difficult child got a new Wii game for Christmas called "My Sims" -- it's similar in that your character goes into a community and helps to build it. He has to build his own house, workshop, and plant trees, water them, etc. all over the town. He has to create relationships with people too.

    Sooooooo, there is actually a choice to "be mean" to a person or "be nice" in this game. I'm thinking "Oh, you better be nice so these people will do what you want them to..." Yea, right. He clicks on the mean button everytime he meets someone, refuses to build furniture for his or anyone else's houses, and he works at night when there are no people around.......Oh, and he punched the Mayor of the town.... :tongue:

    I'm with ya on the video game sista!.... only thing is, I'm not sure that it's the video game that's instigating his behaviors ..... I think we could start a whole new topic on video games.
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I know quite a few people who have wanted to punch their mayors. I suspect Chicago would head the list, LOL!
    My son has no interest in creating relationships, either in real life or in a game. He just wants to try out everything there is to try, just to "see what happens."
  18. 4timmy

    4timmy New Member

    Oh Sigh..... I'm with ya. When I watch him play those games, I go nuts because he does everything "outside the box" of logical thought.