Break from reality

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Liahona, Oct 19, 2011.

  1. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Today is the day. The day difficult child 1 goes on the visit he doesn't think he'll come back alive from. I have done everything I can. I have talked with lawyers, teachers, case managers, therapists, cps, relatives, the domestic violence shelter, the court appointed drop-off place. They tried talking to X about it. His response. Its all the medications fault.

    difficult child 1 is having a break from reality. Through all of this emotional trauma he has been playing soccer every day with the other kids at recess. He will come home with reports of how great he is at getting the ball. He will tell me how he is twisting the other kids arms around, tackling their legs, grabbing their shirt collars, or grabbing an ear in order to get the ball. difficult child 1 will tell me that the school isn't giving him any consequences for these increasingly violent actions. I talked with the school on Monday about this. I called again this morning. The school has had his aide and the playground aides watching the soccer games. difficult child 1 isn't actually doing the violent actions he thinks he is doing. In his mind he is being aggressive and getting away with it. Everyone else isn't seeing things as difficult child 1 is.

    I might be taking him to the phos instead of visitation today. I think the phos would be safer anyway. I'm going to talk to his therapist about it this afternoon. The abuse and lack of response from anyone is driving my son crazy.

    I think I'd like to join him in the phos. I'm not functioning well right now. husband is kinda worried about me. But, if I go too I won't be able to go the meeting. I have to at least look like I'm held together and functioning well. I even have to look cordial to X for the court and drop-off place, or they will accuse me of planting this fear in difficult child 1. The laws and attitudes here are very skewed to the dads.

    My lawyer is going to have a brain storming meeting with his staff and me. Maybe we can find a way somehow to keep difficult child 1 safe. I wouldn't hold my breath though.

    Pray for us. Hopefully X will shoot himself with his own gun. (Yes, he is always armed.)
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You are doing literally everything you can do and the natural consequence of pushing yourself to the limit is to feel overwhelmed and frightened...even though you are keeping your "game face" on for difficult child's benefit. I am so glad to hear that you have multiple meetings seeking support and solutions. I am sending supportive hugs and caring prayers your way as you seek a viable path of action. DDD
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im keeping you in my thoughts. I would cross everything but I would hurt myself.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Something to take to the brainstorming session...

    If X says its "all the medications fault", then he can't have a problem with difficult child going to the psychiatric hospital to get a medications wash and get things sorted out... <wink> right?

    Of course he has a problem with that. But... he's told enough people that the problem is the medications... does that paint him into a bit of a corner?

    psychiatric hospital would be safer than going with X - even IF the problems are in difficult children head (not my belief, but just for argument), anything that is generating that much anxiety is a huge problem. One way or the other, difficult child needs help. Either better medications, or an escape from X - or more likely, both.
  5. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Anybody would need medications to help them deal with the garbage X put them through. And that level of anxiety would cause a psychotic break in any mind. difficult child 1's mind is more fragile than most. I need the therapist to agree to the phos stay. I can't put difficult child 1 in myself or X will saying I'm denying visitation (and he'll win in court).
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Your situation really helps me put life into perspective. I admire that you are able to continue to seek solutions and say how scared and upset you feel in a healthy way....and then just put on the game face and do what you have to do. That is really impressive. I am not a super religious person, but since being on this board I have had much more directed prayer sessions and have worked hard on my priorities. You and your son are on my prayer list for sure. I actually have been writing each "name" down. I hope it helps some of us. You are doing an impossible job in an impossible situation. Just do what you can do and take any break you can to enjoy little moments with your other kiddos. Sending you a deep breath and a comforting hug....
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    You've done everything you can possibly do, and then some.

    I hope the brainstorming session comes up with tons of new ideas and solutions.

    I know it's really really hard to do, but do actively try to take some time for yourself for a breather every chance you get. You need to take care of you too.

    You and difficult child are in my prayers.

  8. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    You can't just "put him in yourself". A medical doctor (not even a therapist) must admit him. So husband would have to argue that the doctor was in collusion with you to deny the visitation. The problem is going to be that, from what you have posted, HE is not a danger to himself or others.

    in my humble opinion, difficult child isn't breaking with reality. He is "making" himself strong so that he can survive the visit. After all, if he were as super strong and aggressive as he claims, he could keep himself safe, right? I'm so sad for both of you that he has to go on this visit. The good news is that, at least for Thursday and Friday, he will be at school. Can you have the school therapist check on him? Can you meet him for lunch?
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    As far as I'm aware, there are two key triggers for psychiatric hospital: danger of harm to self or others, or the need to have a controlled environment for stabilizing medications. He wouldn't fit the first one - but might fit on the second, depending on how the system works THERE.
  10. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I'm hoping the escalating aggression of what he is saying to us would be enough. I am grasping at straws. It might not be enough. difficult child 1 is only on 50 mg Seroquel. It takes time to get in the system. I don't think the psychiatrist would do an admit on medication wash and stabilization grounds.

    On a side note, the psychiatrist called back yesterday. I guess he had a talk with X where X out-an-out refused to give difficult child 1 his medications. From what I understand it was not a pleasant talk. X sent me an e-mail saying he is going to give difficult child 1 his medications. I'll have to try to piece together what really happens after the visit.

    The good news in all of this is that X now knows everyone is aware of how scared difficult child 1 is. X is very smart. difficult child 1 will most likely have a great time and survive this visit. Plus, X's attention is now on me (because of the e-mail the court appointed drop-off place had me do). He can rant about me and medications and difficult child 1 can go un-noticed in the background.

    That is not good for long term abuse finding, but difficult child 1 will survive this visit.
  11. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Maybe I'm delusional trying to think of some way difficult child 1 will survive.
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    No, I don't think delusional is the right word at all. There is no guarantee of the outcome. But... if the steps that have been taken in the last week or so make THIS visit more safe, then you have bought time... Right now, even if all you can do is to keep on buying time, its still positive. Because the longer things go on, the more chance there is that difficult child will get comfortable enough to TALK, to somebody who can pull the "trigger" for a change to supervised visitation.
  13. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Yup, X just e-mailed me that this visit will be super fun with nothing that will scare difficult child 1. difficult child 1 will be very relieved about this. Of course I will e-mail him back saying that everyone from heaven to hades knows about this e-mail. With another note given to the drop-off place re-iterating it. That should be enough to make sure he actually follows through.

    And I'll be telling difficult child 1 that his telling everyone he could about what scared him changed things. It should give him a sense of empowerment and help him to open up in the future.
  14. keista

    keista New Member

    Oh, sweetie, I just don't know what to say. Know that both of you are continually in my prayers.

  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    What a weird thing to write in an email. That doesn't give any of those people a clue to how strange he is? Who says I am going to have fun with my child and I will not scare him.... DUH what an awful thing to say. I understand where it was coming from but still to actually write wierd.
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Prayers heading in your direction.

    Keep letting X know that the whole world is watching him.
  17. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Super weird email from X. Good grief. What does that mean? He basically just admitted that on other visits he scares difficult child. I would give that email to the lawyer and whomever!!!!
    As for this visit, I would say that difficult child just came down with a serious??? Flu, cold, chicken pox??? Whatever fits, and can makes sense.....but you your statement that at least on this visit he will come home alive is beyond scary.....and you need to buy time until this can be resolved. He can be admitted to phosph for many different reasons - all he needs is a psychiatrist recommendation - perhaps that is what he needs physically and mentally more than anything.
  18. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I showed difficult child 1 the e-mail. I thought he would be relieved. His response was 'he doesn't mean it'. I explained that I'm sending an e-mail saying difficult child 1 has seen it and I'm writing a note to the drop-off place so they know about the e-mail. I let him read the note I wrote them. He has a wait and see attitude.

    therapist appointment went well. tried to get difficult child 1 to talk about the soccer playing. difficult child 1 is sticking to his story that he really did those aggressive acts to the other soccer players. He was getting upset about it so therapist backed off. Tried to get difficult child 1 to realize that his talking to everyone changed things this time. I asked how many people did you have to talk to before things changed? I was starting to count them when he said "7".

    This won't be the last time X scares him. I hope things really did change for this visit. I hope X is so mad at me right now he leaves difficult child 1 alone.

    Yup, I take these e-mails to court when we go. And, X knows it.
  19. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    You must have some really ignorant judges, to not see the total weirdness of that email.

    Of course what am I talking about? I can't get anyone to act on what's going on with katie and M either. *sigh*
  20. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately, weirdness is not illegal.
    Unless they see something definitely illegal, they do nothing... once they DO see, THEN the other stuff comes into play as "background".

    Law cannot prevent. Once "something" has happened, law can move to prevent future things from happening... sometimes.