Brief Update on YS

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by BloodiedButUnbowed, Mar 5, 2018.

  1. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    He is refusing all contact with us.We tried to invite him to go out for lunch this weekend, and at first he agreed, but he later texted backing out.He has not responded to wife's texts since.

    His school social worker called wife this morning. YS told her that he is feeling suicidal again. The social worker said he was in her office, crying about his physical disabilities. He is alone again, worse than before, as he no longer has a girlfriend and is reduced to hanging out with the neighbor kids, all much younger than him. He is remembering all his time in the hospital, and apparently feeling very sorry for himself.

    Since he did not admit to having a plan to take his life he remained in school. He was supposed to talk via phone with his therapist after school; if that took place, we have not been updated.

    YS is still no contact with grandma who despite all her faults, was a very active and loving presence in his life.

    Social worker said she thought YS struggles greatly without the structure of school. We are very concerned for the summer months ahead.
     
  2. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    Oh man. I'm sad to hear this. Let's hope he finds/is helped with some coping strategies to get to the other side of these feelings. And as a grandma who is raising a troubled young man, if grandson cut me off, I would be devastated. And as he gets older, I realize it could happen. So much heartache. Gotta look for the good moments and hold on tight.
     
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  3. Baggy Bags

    Baggy Bags Member

    I hope he makes contact with you soon, and that this is just a passing phase. (((hugs)))
     
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Sorry to hear this.

    Would he go to lunch alone with his mother maybe? He may be embarrassed to share with anyone else other than mom perhaps?

    I say that as a stepparent myself to husband's son and my son having my husband as a stepdad. So I see it from both sides.
     
  5. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    He was crying and talking about suicide not long after his almost successful attempt, yet because no firm plans were admitted to, he is sent home and it’s business as usual....

    This is scary.

    Does dad have any plans in place for summer, with both boys home alone while he is working?
     
  6. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    BB, sadly this is a long standing pattern of dysfunction and estrangement. You can read my post history for details as it would take many lines of text to explain here LOL.

    RN, YS has a very difficult and strained relationship with my wife (his mother). It is her he is avoiding.

    Apple, I share your concern. YS will not listen to wife or anyone connected to her, including me. His father is continuing to rugsweep and insists everything is fine. The stage for a completed suicide is set. YS will do it if he decides to do so and there is nothing but nothing that can or will be done. That is the reality.

    DS is home all the time anyway, he goes to school ‘online’. He has lost his second part time job and from what his father says, is now on to a third at a fast food restaurant. We don’t know circumstances behind the loss of the second job.

    Wife could go to court but DS is a few months from 18 and YS is nearly 16. He will tell judge he wants to stay with dad. Our one shot to get YS under our roof came and went when he was released from the hospital in November. YS very angrily chose Dad and we have seen him not at all since then. Wife can barely get him on the phone.

    If YS is left alone at home all summer I do fear the worst. He will not choose to go to camp or therapeutic school. Dad will have to make him go which will never ever happen. Dad is emotionally dependent on the boys and won’t let them go.
     
  7. JRC

    JRC Active Member

    Isn't he in a therapeutic school? I would think they'd be all over this kind of talk. I'm so sorry. People make a big deal about kids "falling through the cracks" and "why wasn't something done." But honestly, I don't understand why--when everything is set up for them to be caught in the safety net--their is confusion or hesitation to take action. I'm dumbfounded.
     
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  8. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    I agree with you JRC - I am dismayed that this therapeutic social worker is not responding with more concern. As a professional - I understand that certain criteria have to be met when assessing risk, but because this is my stepson, and knowing all the past (and current) family dysfunction, I think it's a whole lot more serious than they seem to believe. But all I can do is let this go to my HP and to YS's.

    We learned more information last night after speaking to YS' therapist. Apparently he was triggered by a political discussion that took place in school, which led to other feelings rushing out. I don't want to get much more specific than that out of respect for the variety of opinions that, I am assuming, exist on this board as they do in the wider world. Suffice it to say that I have thought for some time that YS leans toward the alt-right mode of thinking, and the discussion in class was arguing against that mindset, which led to his feeling attacked, which triggered him. This at least was our understanding.

    While we disagree with YS' opinions personally we respect his right to have his own beliefs.

    We hope YS will be able to eventually learn to tolerate beliefs different from his own while remaining confident, without being triggered and becoming suicidal.

    Let me add here that I do not wish for this thread to become overwhelmed by political discourse...I will proactively ask the mods to monitor the thread and lock it if this occurs. Our differing opinions are not the point here, our shared experience with our troubled children is all that matters. :)
     
  9. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry BBU. It is horrific to be on the sidelines so powerless to help YS.
    Sending my prayers and hope that both boys find support and that you and your wife find some solace amidst so much turmoil.
     
  10. Purplehippo

    Purplehippo New Member

    We are looking into therapeutic schools right now and the one thing I noticed right away is that they all (at least the ones I am looking at) offer extended year services. The schools that I'm deciding between go all year long with only approximately 1 week vacation so that the kids are in a stable environment all year and don't regress. If your child's school doesn't offer ESY, you can look into amending the IEP to include ESY and finding a summer placement for him at the home districts expense.
     
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  11. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Purple, that is a great idea. I will mention it to wife.
     
  12. Tired mama

    Tired mama Active Member

    I am sure it is difficult to not be able to help in this situation. My prayers are with you that if intervention is needed someone is there.