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Parent Emeritus
Broken and despairing. Bereft. No hope left.
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 702851" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>Oh Copa, I am so, so sorry for what you are going through. I understand this:</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I understand because I'm so good at "Do what I say, not what I do" on this board. Heck, in life. I understand because even when I KNOW that what I'm doing is enabling, I don't seem to be able to not do it. I understand because I want to keep my son close...I want to help him...I want to protect him. I want him to take advantage of opportunities. I want him to take a hand up...not a hand out. I want him to live a good, decent life. I want him to CHANGE! And like your son, he never wanted to do that. He would say he did...but he'd end up hanging out with the same old people and doing exactly the same things, over and over, and not see the consequences looming. When we let him come back there was a list of specific rules; he didn't comply. What he did, he did sparingly or not at all. It wasn't until he exploded that we decided he needed to go again. Or, I should say, I decided. Jabber, I'm sure, was ready long before due to his lack of follow through.</p><p></p><p>So this time when he left he went far away and ... he seems to be okay. There have been false starts and there's been some bailing out, but I guess he's living life on his terms. Maybe he'll get tired of living a homeless, meaningless, life and decide to change. But I don't know that he'd ever do that if he really had us readily on hand. Will we still "rescue" him from time to time? Probably. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/unsure.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":unsure:" title="unsure :unsure:" data-shortname=":unsure:" /> But we can't make him change. All the rules in the world won't make him change. Not when he's not willing to change his own mindset.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>A hoodie? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite12" alt="o_O" title="Er... what? o_O" loading="lazy" data-shortname="o_O" /> Your son is a 20-something Caucasian, isn't he? Perhaps I'm wrong about your ethnicity (because frankly, it doesn't matter one way or another to me) and of course that <em><strong>shouldn't</strong></em> have anything to do with it and it wouldn't to any forward thinking person...but I can't imagine why a guy in a hoodie would be frightening. </p><p></p><p>But whatever...Copa, you have to do what you can live with. If you can't live with him, then he needs to get out on his own. Maybe if he does not have a comfortable place to lay his head, he'll finally realize the importance of that section 8 housing and voc rehab, and job assistance? At least he isn't without any income. That puts him in better shape than a lot of people already. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you are hurting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 702851, member: 17309"] Oh Copa, I am so, so sorry for what you are going through. I understand this: I understand because I'm so good at "Do what I say, not what I do" on this board. Heck, in life. I understand because even when I KNOW that what I'm doing is enabling, I don't seem to be able to not do it. I understand because I want to keep my son close...I want to help him...I want to protect him. I want him to take advantage of opportunities. I want him to take a hand up...not a hand out. I want him to live a good, decent life. I want him to CHANGE! And like your son, he never wanted to do that. He would say he did...but he'd end up hanging out with the same old people and doing exactly the same things, over and over, and not see the consequences looming. When we let him come back there was a list of specific rules; he didn't comply. What he did, he did sparingly or not at all. It wasn't until he exploded that we decided he needed to go again. Or, I should say, I decided. Jabber, I'm sure, was ready long before due to his lack of follow through. So this time when he left he went far away and ... he seems to be okay. There have been false starts and there's been some bailing out, but I guess he's living life on his terms. Maybe he'll get tired of living a homeless, meaningless, life and decide to change. But I don't know that he'd ever do that if he really had us readily on hand. Will we still "rescue" him from time to time? Probably. :unsure: But we can't make him change. All the rules in the world won't make him change. Not when he's not willing to change his own mindset. A hoodie? o_O Your son is a 20-something Caucasian, isn't he? Perhaps I'm wrong about your ethnicity (because frankly, it doesn't matter one way or another to me) and of course that [I][B]shouldn't[/B][/I] have anything to do with it and it wouldn't to any forward thinking person...but I can't imagine why a guy in a hoodie would be frightening. But whatever...Copa, you have to do what you can live with. If you can't live with him, then he needs to get out on his own. Maybe if he does not have a comfortable place to lay his head, he'll finally realize the importance of that section 8 housing and voc rehab, and job assistance? At least he isn't without any income. That puts him in better shape than a lot of people already. I'm sorry you are hurting. [/QUOTE]
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