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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 672019" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>Hopeful, my son's situation is similar to your son's...just a bit down the road.</p><p></p><p>My son is mentally ill. He started to act differently in his early 20s. I am a special education teacher and my 2 sisters are schizophrenic. I did not want to accept what I was seeing. He started to act differently and stopped going college or see his friends. </p><p></p><p>He ran off and lived in his car in a cold state north of us because I had gone into his flooded room when he was gone.</p><p></p><p>I went through a year of torture. I filed a missing persons report. I knew the state he was in because of his banking statement. I flew up there twice to try to find him. The police told him twice to call home. He said, "I know that I should, but I can't".</p><p></p><p>One year later, to the day, he returned. After that, I clung tightly and did too much for him. I paid for an apartment for a few months for him. He never charged the phone I got him. He never went to college or worked, like he had promised. He never saw friends or let us in the gated building.</p><p></p><p>I should have stopped the help completely. I let him move back home with no clear expectations in place. I was treating him with 'kid gloves'. I was afraid that he would run off again...</p><p></p><p>He slowly got worse, stayed in his room longer, and his behavior became increasingly violent. Emotional abuse turned into smashing things and stabbing my counters and cupboards. He destroyed 3 computer, a landline, a T.V., light fixtures, walls, doors, ceilings, floors, rugs, antiques, family heirlooms...</p><p></p><p>Would he be better today if I had kicked him out earlier? Probably. </p><p></p><p>But, I do believe that I did not HELP him in any way by allowing him to stay in my house until he had to be forceably removed by the police 5 months ago. He is 35. I had to file a restraining order. He both tried to kill me and argued with his voices about not wanting to kill me.</p><p></p><p>He lost time to try to get better while I allowed him to stay here with little rules. What little rules I had he broke and kept us in fear with his increasing violence. He was in control. </p><p></p><p>He also stole things and would smile and blatantly say, "Do you want me to help you find it?"</p><p></p><p>Did I help him by letting him stay here? No. I knew where he was...but at what cost? I am a single mother and became very afraid in my own house. My two younger sons slept with knives. They put a lock on my door and gave me mace. I found out later, that they were stalling starting their lives to stay home to keep their mother safe.</p><p></p><p>Hopeful, rest assured that you did the right thing..for everyone involved. I have been told by several therapists that NOW my son has a chance to get better. Living at home, shut away in his room, he had NO chance. </p><p></p><p>I was giving him negative reinforcement for his violence. I would tell him to go to the doctor. He smashed something...and I stopped asking... right then. This pattern repeated and repeated.</p><p></p><p>When someone who is mentally ill becomes violent, it is usually toward family members. You deserve peace and a safe home.</p><p></p><p>You did the right thing. You have shown love toward him by allowing him to get treatment and take control of his life. I am very proud of you. There are a lot of services out there to help the homeless. People find it much harder to say 'No' to several people at a shelter, than to one mother. He needs to comply to society's rules. </p><p></p><p>Theft, bad behavior, or emotional abuse will not be tolerated.</p><p></p><p>Hopeful, you have reason to be very 'hopeful'!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 672019, member: 19245"] Hopeful, my son's situation is similar to your son's...just a bit down the road. My son is mentally ill. He started to act differently in his early 20s. I am a special education teacher and my 2 sisters are schizophrenic. I did not want to accept what I was seeing. He started to act differently and stopped going college or see his friends. He ran off and lived in his car in a cold state north of us because I had gone into his flooded room when he was gone. I went through a year of torture. I filed a missing persons report. I knew the state he was in because of his banking statement. I flew up there twice to try to find him. The police told him twice to call home. He said, "I know that I should, but I can't". One year later, to the day, he returned. After that, I clung tightly and did too much for him. I paid for an apartment for a few months for him. He never charged the phone I got him. He never went to college or worked, like he had promised. He never saw friends or let us in the gated building. I should have stopped the help completely. I let him move back home with no clear expectations in place. I was treating him with 'kid gloves'. I was afraid that he would run off again... He slowly got worse, stayed in his room longer, and his behavior became increasingly violent. Emotional abuse turned into smashing things and stabbing my counters and cupboards. He destroyed 3 computer, a landline, a T.V., light fixtures, walls, doors, ceilings, floors, rugs, antiques, family heirlooms... Would he be better today if I had kicked him out earlier? Probably. But, I do believe that I did not HELP him in any way by allowing him to stay in my house until he had to be forceably removed by the police 5 months ago. He is 35. I had to file a restraining order. He both tried to kill me and argued with his voices about not wanting to kill me. He lost time to try to get better while I allowed him to stay here with little rules. What little rules I had he broke and kept us in fear with his increasing violence. He was in control. He also stole things and would smile and blatantly say, "Do you want me to help you find it?" Did I help him by letting him stay here? No. I knew where he was...but at what cost? I am a single mother and became very afraid in my own house. My two younger sons slept with knives. They put a lock on my door and gave me mace. I found out later, that they were stalling starting their lives to stay home to keep their mother safe. Hopeful, rest assured that you did the right thing..for everyone involved. I have been told by several therapists that NOW my son has a chance to get better. Living at home, shut away in his room, he had NO chance. I was giving him negative reinforcement for his violence. I would tell him to go to the doctor. He smashed something...and I stopped asking... right then. This pattern repeated and repeated. When someone who is mentally ill becomes violent, it is usually toward family members. You deserve peace and a safe home. You did the right thing. You have shown love toward him by allowing him to get treatment and take control of his life. I am very proud of you. There are a lot of services out there to help the homeless. People find it much harder to say 'No' to several people at a shelter, than to one mother. He needs to comply to society's rules. Theft, bad behavior, or emotional abuse will not be tolerated. Hopeful, you have reason to be very 'hopeful'! [/QUOTE]
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