Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Brokenhearted
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 672111" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I think we go numb to protect ourselves. We don't know how we feel about any of it. We are afraid to feel anything about any of it. We are in a kind of paralysis...frozen...which way do we go---toward hope or self protection? For me it was a day-by-day thing. My emotions would be up and down and invisible to me. It is exhausting. </p><p></p><p>Any change in their status...resulted in a change in MY status. Ugh. Learning to unhook from them does take time and distance. It is a mixed blessing not to hear from them for a while or to tell them not to call or email or text or FB message for a while. It's awful but it's good for us...to give us a chance to regain some equilibrium.</p><p></p><p>I used to feel like one of those weighted punching dolls where all of the weight is in the bottom and you can just punch and the doll rocks this way and then that way. Every day, sometimes several times a day, there was a punch and I would rock and reel until the next punch.</p><p></p><p>Again...unhooking from them...detachment with love...is the goal, I believe, when we are ready. When I first heard that term in Al-Anon I thought to myself: NEVER. </p><p></p><p>Over time, I learned what it was and what it was not. It was a blessing to me. And to him. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes...ADDICTION is the mean and hateful entity, and Addiction has taken up residence in our precious sons and daughters. It truly isn't about us. We are just on the periphery of their lives during this time, someone they can and will go to again and again and again until we put a stop to it. They will systematically go through every resource possible and then start at the beginning again. This is the 40-foot-tall monster called addiction. Somewhere deep inside is still our precious child, but they have been taken over, and until they muster the will to tell the Addiction Monster....no more...this is ending...starting now...and work harder than they have ever worked in their lives to beat it back and down...this is what we will see.</p><p></p><p>It's not them. It's not about us. It's about addiction.</p><p></p><p>That's hard to remember when they are pounding on the front door at 3 a.m., wild-eyed, crying, let me in...please...I'm begging you...and we finally say no to this. We stand there and through the door we say this: If you don't leave right now, I am calling the police. Don't ever come here again without an invitation.</p><p></p><p>And we go into the kitchen and stand against the wall where they can't see us through the window and we pray and breathe and pray and breathe until finally they leave. </p><p></p><p>This is the stuff we have to do. It is the hardest stuff there is to do in this world. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there, Warrior Moms. We are here together. We will circle the wagons, as RE says, and we will help each other.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 672111, member: 17542"] I think we go numb to protect ourselves. We don't know how we feel about any of it. We are afraid to feel anything about any of it. We are in a kind of paralysis...frozen...which way do we go---toward hope or self protection? For me it was a day-by-day thing. My emotions would be up and down and invisible to me. It is exhausting. Any change in their status...resulted in a change in MY status. Ugh. Learning to unhook from them does take time and distance. It is a mixed blessing not to hear from them for a while or to tell them not to call or email or text or FB message for a while. It's awful but it's good for us...to give us a chance to regain some equilibrium. I used to feel like one of those weighted punching dolls where all of the weight is in the bottom and you can just punch and the doll rocks this way and then that way. Every day, sometimes several times a day, there was a punch and I would rock and reel until the next punch. Again...unhooking from them...detachment with love...is the goal, I believe, when we are ready. When I first heard that term in Al-Anon I thought to myself: NEVER. Over time, I learned what it was and what it was not. It was a blessing to me. And to him. Yes...ADDICTION is the mean and hateful entity, and Addiction has taken up residence in our precious sons and daughters. It truly isn't about us. We are just on the periphery of their lives during this time, someone they can and will go to again and again and again until we put a stop to it. They will systematically go through every resource possible and then start at the beginning again. This is the 40-foot-tall monster called addiction. Somewhere deep inside is still our precious child, but they have been taken over, and until they muster the will to tell the Addiction Monster....no more...this is ending...starting now...and work harder than they have ever worked in their lives to beat it back and down...this is what we will see. It's not them. It's not about us. It's about addiction. That's hard to remember when they are pounding on the front door at 3 a.m., wild-eyed, crying, let me in...please...I'm begging you...and we finally say no to this. We stand there and through the door we say this: If you don't leave right now, I am calling the police. Don't ever come here again without an invitation. And we go into the kitchen and stand against the wall where they can't see us through the window and we pray and breathe and pray and breathe until finally they leave. This is the stuff we have to do. It is the hardest stuff there is to do in this world. Hang in there, Warrior Moms. We are here together. We will circle the wagons, as RE says, and we will help each other. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Brokenhearted
Top