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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 672464" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Hopeful,</p><p>I am sorry for all of this, it is hard. Deep, deep breaths and the serenity prayer is very helpful, when I find myself spinning with thoughts and worry.</p><p></p><p><img src="http://kimages.imikimi.com/image/duZs-10J-1.jpg?height=640&scale=max&width=640" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></p><p></p><p> It is hard, Hopeful, your son is 18, and just out for two months? You have been very, very strong.</p><p>It is understandable, when we as parents are dealing with such things, to want to help.</p><p>You have taken a huge step in letting your son go and test his wings. That is hard, Hopeful, a very hard thing to do. I am proud of you. This is big, realizing the alternative is unacceptable, your son remaining in your home and abusing the privilege.</p><p></p><p> Please do not be so hard on yourself. You did a kind and loving thing. He is your son.</p><p></p><p> There is nothing good to come of these feelings Hopeful. We learn sooner or later, after trial and error, what we need to be doing. How much do we give? How much do we do? Where do we draw the line? As you <em>grow </em>through this, the boundaries will come. Please do not beat yourself up, it is not healthy.</p><p>This is what happens when we are feeling the effects of our d cs bad choices, and our realization of our enabling behaviors, it can be a vicious cycle, one playing off the other.</p><p>You accomplished so much with the first biggest step, by letting your son know his behavior was unacceptable in your home, and the result of his choices, was that he had to leave.</p><p></p><p> Very true, only time will tell. Please take it one day at a time.</p><p></p><p> Keep on praying and posting Hopeful, it really, really helps. You are not alone in this, there are many out there with similar situations. It is hard.</p><p>The detachment article in the PE forum is very helpful. It is not meant to use as a tool to beat yourself up, it is a learning curve for all of us.</p><p></p><p> The numbing is a protective mode, I am right there with you on this one. I love my d cs, I do not like what they do.</p><p></p><p> I am glad you have your faith, Hopeful. When I find my thoughts drifting to my d cs, it helps me to say a quick prayer.</p><p>Instead of saying "I kicked them out." I say, "I gave them back to God", they were really only on loan to me, anyways.</p><p>I did my best job as their mother, made tons of mistakes, but who doesn't, we are all imperfect humans.</p><p></p><p>My d cs are way more than I can handle, but God? He can do anything, miracles, <em>wonders</em>.</p><p></p><p>I just have to remember, it is not on my timeframe, it is up to them, and Him. They have to go on their pathway.</p><p></p><p>As do I.</p><p></p><p>So, Hopeful, please stop beating yourself up over what you have done for your son out of care and concern, loving kindness. Most of us here, have been where you are at.</p><p></p><p>You will be okay, and so will your son.</p><p></p><p>Take care of yourself, and do something kind for you. You have value and you are special.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 672464, member: 19522"] Hi Hopeful, I am sorry for all of this, it is hard. Deep, deep breaths and the serenity prayer is very helpful, when I find myself spinning with thoughts and worry. [IMG]http://kimages.imikimi.com/image/duZs-10J-1.jpg?height=640&scale=max&width=640[/IMG] It is hard, Hopeful, your son is 18, and just out for two months? You have been very, very strong. It is understandable, when we as parents are dealing with such things, to want to help. You have taken a huge step in letting your son go and test his wings. That is hard, Hopeful, a very hard thing to do. I am proud of you. This is big, realizing the alternative is unacceptable, your son remaining in your home and abusing the privilege. Please do not be so hard on yourself. You did a kind and loving thing. He is your son. There is nothing good to come of these feelings Hopeful. We learn sooner or later, after trial and error, what we need to be doing. How much do we give? How much do we do? Where do we draw the line? As you [I]grow [/I]through this, the boundaries will come. Please do not beat yourself up, it is not healthy. This is what happens when we are feeling the effects of our d cs bad choices, and our realization of our enabling behaviors, it can be a vicious cycle, one playing off the other. You accomplished so much with the first biggest step, by letting your son know his behavior was unacceptable in your home, and the result of his choices, was that he had to leave. Very true, only time will tell. Please take it one day at a time. Keep on praying and posting Hopeful, it really, really helps. You are not alone in this, there are many out there with similar situations. It is hard. The detachment article in the PE forum is very helpful. It is not meant to use as a tool to beat yourself up, it is a learning curve for all of us. The numbing is a protective mode, I am right there with you on this one. I love my d cs, I do not like what they do. I am glad you have your faith, Hopeful. When I find my thoughts drifting to my d cs, it helps me to say a quick prayer. Instead of saying "I kicked them out." I say, "I gave them back to God", they were really only on loan to me, anyways. I did my best job as their mother, made tons of mistakes, but who doesn't, we are all imperfect humans. My d cs are way more than I can handle, but God? He can do anything, miracles, [I]wonders[/I]. I just have to remember, it is not on my timeframe, it is up to them, and Him. They have to go on their pathway. As do I. So, Hopeful, please stop beating yourself up over what you have done for your son out of care and concern, loving kindness. Most of us here, have been where you are at. You will be okay, and so will your son. Take care of yourself, and do something kind for you. You have value and you are special. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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