Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Brother and I are going to Butt Heads (vent warning)
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 628161" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Hmm. I think I need to clarify something.</p><p></p><p>One must keep in mind my mother is, even when she appears "normal", insane. Her concept of reality is warped. The facts are usually there......just well......twisted sometimes or altered, exaggerated or whatever. Mom is an odd one to say the least. When I say "favorite" or "spoiled" I don't quite mean it in what would be the normal context. This is not so easy to explain. You had to live it. Favorite is one who didn't receive punishment often.....actually rarely as she'd tend to believe they were incapable of wrong doing (depending on her state of mind). Doesn't mean that child didn't suffer abuse.....mentally, emotionally or physically. And Mom helping? Is as much control as it is being generous. (also depending on her state of mind) </p><p></p><p>Now I had the good sense to realize that accepting mom's help is generally a very bad idea. I have rarely done so.......even in the form of gifts......for this reason. If you don't do what she expects with whatever she's given you.....well, it's not worth the aftermath. My sibs have been rather dense about accepting her help over the years.</p><p></p><p>Spoiled? No. I can't honestly say any of us were actually "spoiled". Sis in Texas came close......but that was more the whole this kid can do no wrong deal and mom letting her do whatever she wanted basically. Thankfully sis in Texas wasn't a difficult child.</p><p></p><p>Bro could easily have his own mental illness going on. In my family the number of mentally ill relatives is staggering. Maternal grandma didn't pick from a good gene pool. Plus bro did major drugs and booze for literally years. Lord only knows what that did to his brain cells. Not to even mention the abuse.</p><p></p><p>Bro still doesn't realize I won't back down or that I'll haul his rear into court faster than he can blink. I'm not one to play my trump card until it's needed. I've had to survive in this family for a long time. He thinks if he repeats his load of bull long enough I'll believe him. But I know better. I've already been through this before with mother in law as far as all the legal stuff.</p><p></p><p>It's actually hard not to laugh when he cannot understand the concept that mom can be mentally ill and yet not mentally incompetent to handle her own affairs. He just can't grasp that concept. Oh, well. Not my problem.</p><p></p><p>I don't worry over much about bro......I've got elder bro in my corner (oddly enough and trust me I never saw that one coming) and even sis in Texas after all that mess with Mom last year.</p><p></p><p>Mostly with bro......I think he just wants her out of sight out of mind until she dies and he gets whatever he gets. I can't wait until karma catches up with him. It won't be all too long, he's 53 yrs old. His daughter cares a great deal for mom........not the brat Stormy but the eldest daughter......and she is watching how her dad treats her grandma. What goes around comes around Know what I mean?? </p><p></p><p>I asked to be laid off from work. I talked to bff's sister in law (the big big boss of the temp co) about what was going on. Unfortunately she couldn't just lay me off. I'm a senior temp slugger (one of 3) and there is always work for me unless they get rid of ALL the temps. The only thing she could do is let me resign......me work my required notification days.......and try to get back to work within 90 days. If I can get back to work within that time frame it will work the same as me just being laid off. I keep my seniority and my pay rate and just go back to work as if I'd never left. I'm hoping to be back to work within a few weeks. But it is the <strong>only</strong> way to get things prepared here for Mom's relocation. Both girls and their husband's are helping. Once everything is ready here.......I can go back to work. Soon as the damn house sells.......we zip over there on a weekend and get her fanny back here. Should be no hitches in the plan unless something serious happens in the mean time.</p><p></p><p>I'm no saint. I care for my mom and have managed to form a relationship with her during the past about 8 yrs or so. Mother / daughter? No. But a relationship. I'm realistic when it comes to mom, brutally so. The last thing in the world I want is to live with her under the same roof again. I remember all too well the hell that was before and due to her health / memory issues I know it will be far far worse now. My children have been taught from toddlerhood that grandma is schizo, what that means, and to take just about everything that comes out of her mouth with a grain of salt good or bad. I've been realistic with them when it comes to my mother because it was the only way to protect them. easy child is an RN so she gets it totally. Nichole has been working with alzheimer and dementia patients has recently acquired a new level of understanding.</p><p></p><p>I can handle mom because I was not actually raised by her. Until the age of 12 I spent very little time under her roof. My grandma (who raised me) was a very wise woman.......and mom was not her only child with schizo. My aunt was also a very wise woman whom I don't think meant to but taught me how to accept my mother for the person she is because it's not her fault, it's an illness she can't control. I've also worked psychiatric units and have the medical knowledge to view her illness realistically instead of taking it personally.</p><p></p><p>If she actually chooses to live with me, which she probably will because any facility would make her too vulnerable to tolerate, it will be hell on earth. However, she has been warned time and again that if safety becomes an issue she will be placed in a facility voluntarily or not. She understands that, so far agrees to it. Unfortunately, until she comes and is here a while I can't judge if a facility is necessary.</p><p></p><p>layne, my mothers abuse stems from her mental illness. She is not one to go around and stir up trouble......not like that. If she is unstable it warps her reality and sometimes that can set her off, but not usually without a trigger. If she went off on bro then he pushed her into it. But bro isn't exactly truthful either. Travis spoke to mom right in the middle of all this on the phone. She didn't sound the least bit upset, instead she was enjoying the bbq bro's eldest daughter had prepared. Bro wasn't even supposed to be there......he'd come home early. Very rarely does mom get belligerent or violent (we're not kids anymore), she has to be in a psychotic episode to go that far. Unlike my sibs, I've seen far too many of these episodes over the years. I'm all too familiar with them. I've had the misfortune to be with her during most of her most unstable times. I've also talked with eldest bro who tells me that other than some over the top paranoia, which has her accusing people of stealing from her (normal), there is nothing out of the ordinary. Eldest bro like me has learned to let what she says on that score run in one ear and out the other.</p><p></p><p>I'm doing this for my mom because my grandma raised me right. I'm doing this for my mom because despite a severe mental illness that alters her true personality (which is kind and caring) she cared for every one of her siblings that were dying AND my grandma with the utmost care and compassion and respect when she didn't have to do so. I'm doing this for my mom, who somewhere along the line had a sane moment and allowed my grandma to take me out of the home and care for me... And I'm doing it because she is my mother, mental illness or not. Without her I wouldn't exist. It's not her fault that faulty genes gave her paranoid schizophrenia and made her life and ours a living nightmare at times........in all honesty I'm sure she's suffered far worse than any of us have.</p><p></p><p>And when the time comes, and it will soon, I will do it for my sister in Indy.....who also has schizo, just a different variety.</p><p></p><p>While I'm caring for Mom, whether she is in a facility or my home, I will be reminding myself of "why" I'm doing it most likely as an ongoing mantra to help me have the stamina to get through it. And yes, some of it will be not because of mom but because I have to deal with siblings that I'd rather not even talk to on a normal basis.</p><p></p><p>Walking away from the situation has never been an option. Doing the right thing is rarely easy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 628161, member: 84"] Hmm. I think I need to clarify something. One must keep in mind my mother is, even when she appears "normal", insane. Her concept of reality is warped. The facts are usually there......just well......twisted sometimes or altered, exaggerated or whatever. Mom is an odd one to say the least. When I say "favorite" or "spoiled" I don't quite mean it in what would be the normal context. This is not so easy to explain. You had to live it. Favorite is one who didn't receive punishment often.....actually rarely as she'd tend to believe they were incapable of wrong doing (depending on her state of mind). Doesn't mean that child didn't suffer abuse.....mentally, emotionally or physically. And Mom helping? Is as much control as it is being generous. (also depending on her state of mind) Now I had the good sense to realize that accepting mom's help is generally a very bad idea. I have rarely done so.......even in the form of gifts......for this reason. If you don't do what she expects with whatever she's given you.....well, it's not worth the aftermath. My sibs have been rather dense about accepting her help over the years. Spoiled? No. I can't honestly say any of us were actually "spoiled". Sis in Texas came close......but that was more the whole this kid can do no wrong deal and mom letting her do whatever she wanted basically. Thankfully sis in Texas wasn't a difficult child. Bro could easily have his own mental illness going on. In my family the number of mentally ill relatives is staggering. Maternal grandma didn't pick from a good gene pool. Plus bro did major drugs and booze for literally years. Lord only knows what that did to his brain cells. Not to even mention the abuse. Bro still doesn't realize I won't back down or that I'll haul his rear into court faster than he can blink. I'm not one to play my trump card until it's needed. I've had to survive in this family for a long time. He thinks if he repeats his load of bull long enough I'll believe him. But I know better. I've already been through this before with mother in law as far as all the legal stuff. It's actually hard not to laugh when he cannot understand the concept that mom can be mentally ill and yet not mentally incompetent to handle her own affairs. He just can't grasp that concept. Oh, well. Not my problem. I don't worry over much about bro......I've got elder bro in my corner (oddly enough and trust me I never saw that one coming) and even sis in Texas after all that mess with Mom last year. Mostly with bro......I think he just wants her out of sight out of mind until she dies and he gets whatever he gets. I can't wait until karma catches up with him. It won't be all too long, he's 53 yrs old. His daughter cares a great deal for mom........not the brat Stormy but the eldest daughter......and she is watching how her dad treats her grandma. What goes around comes around Know what I mean?? I asked to be laid off from work. I talked to bff's sister in law (the big big boss of the temp co) about what was going on. Unfortunately she couldn't just lay me off. I'm a senior temp slugger (one of 3) and there is always work for me unless they get rid of ALL the temps. The only thing she could do is let me resign......me work my required notification days.......and try to get back to work within 90 days. If I can get back to work within that time frame it will work the same as me just being laid off. I keep my seniority and my pay rate and just go back to work as if I'd never left. I'm hoping to be back to work within a few weeks. But it is the [B]only[/B] way to get things prepared here for Mom's relocation. Both girls and their husband's are helping. Once everything is ready here.......I can go back to work. Soon as the damn house sells.......we zip over there on a weekend and get her fanny back here. Should be no hitches in the plan unless something serious happens in the mean time. I'm no saint. I care for my mom and have managed to form a relationship with her during the past about 8 yrs or so. Mother / daughter? No. But a relationship. I'm realistic when it comes to mom, brutally so. The last thing in the world I want is to live with her under the same roof again. I remember all too well the hell that was before and due to her health / memory issues I know it will be far far worse now. My children have been taught from toddlerhood that grandma is schizo, what that means, and to take just about everything that comes out of her mouth with a grain of salt good or bad. I've been realistic with them when it comes to my mother because it was the only way to protect them. easy child is an RN so she gets it totally. Nichole has been working with alzheimer and dementia patients has recently acquired a new level of understanding. I can handle mom because I was not actually raised by her. Until the age of 12 I spent very little time under her roof. My grandma (who raised me) was a very wise woman.......and mom was not her only child with schizo. My aunt was also a very wise woman whom I don't think meant to but taught me how to accept my mother for the person she is because it's not her fault, it's an illness she can't control. I've also worked psychiatric units and have the medical knowledge to view her illness realistically instead of taking it personally. If she actually chooses to live with me, which she probably will because any facility would make her too vulnerable to tolerate, it will be hell on earth. However, she has been warned time and again that if safety becomes an issue she will be placed in a facility voluntarily or not. She understands that, so far agrees to it. Unfortunately, until she comes and is here a while I can't judge if a facility is necessary. layne, my mothers abuse stems from her mental illness. She is not one to go around and stir up trouble......not like that. If she is unstable it warps her reality and sometimes that can set her off, but not usually without a trigger. If she went off on bro then he pushed her into it. But bro isn't exactly truthful either. Travis spoke to mom right in the middle of all this on the phone. She didn't sound the least bit upset, instead she was enjoying the bbq bro's eldest daughter had prepared. Bro wasn't even supposed to be there......he'd come home early. Very rarely does mom get belligerent or violent (we're not kids anymore), she has to be in a psychotic episode to go that far. Unlike my sibs, I've seen far too many of these episodes over the years. I'm all too familiar with them. I've had the misfortune to be with her during most of her most unstable times. I've also talked with eldest bro who tells me that other than some over the top paranoia, which has her accusing people of stealing from her (normal), there is nothing out of the ordinary. Eldest bro like me has learned to let what she says on that score run in one ear and out the other. I'm doing this for my mom because my grandma raised me right. I'm doing this for my mom because despite a severe mental illness that alters her true personality (which is kind and caring) she cared for every one of her siblings that were dying AND my grandma with the utmost care and compassion and respect when she didn't have to do so. I'm doing this for my mom, who somewhere along the line had a sane moment and allowed my grandma to take me out of the home and care for me... And I'm doing it because she is my mother, mental illness or not. Without her I wouldn't exist. It's not her fault that faulty genes gave her paranoid schizophrenia and made her life and ours a living nightmare at times........in all honesty I'm sure she's suffered far worse than any of us have. And when the time comes, and it will soon, I will do it for my sister in Indy.....who also has schizo, just a different variety. While I'm caring for Mom, whether she is in a facility or my home, I will be reminding myself of "why" I'm doing it most likely as an ongoing mantra to help me have the stamina to get through it. And yes, some of it will be not because of mom but because I have to deal with siblings that I'd rather not even talk to on a normal basis. Walking away from the situation has never been an option. Doing the right thing is rarely easy. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Brother and I are going to Butt Heads (vent warning)
Top