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Brother and I are going to Butt Heads (vent warning)
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 628171" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Here is a classic example of Mom:</p><p></p><p>Bro called me a few mins ago to let off steam.</p><p></p><p>Mom called him after 11:30 last night to complain that she thinks she has a blocked bowel because she hasn't had a BM in a week. Bro tries to get her to go to the ER to be checked. She refuses, excuses such as time of night and no one to watch the house when she goes (she thinks people are stealing from her remember). Bro gives up and Mom eventually gets off the phone. 6am this morning she calls and wakes him up. Same complaint. She now is willing to go to the ER but Bro has to get someone to come watch the house, but he can't tell them WHY they're watching the house........ He reminds her that she kept him up last night and now has woken him up early on his day off resulting in very little sleep for him. Doesn't matter, she now is ready to go to the ER. It's up to him to find someone to watch the house that she'll approve of and take her.</p><p></p><p>Bro can be a class A Arse but I do hear the frustration in his voice / tone. I know he is putting up with a LOT of her bull all the time simply because he is close. He was a bit more reasonable this time. Although he still is shocked none of this surprises me in the least.</p><p></p><p>Mom is a nurse. It was a bad career choice. Not that she didn't make a good nurse but because someone with paranoia should never learn medicine. She has been "dying" of something or other not too long after graduating nursing school in her 40's.</p><p></p><p>I'm not concerned with her "blocked bowel". Unfortunately I know more about Mom's bowel habits than I'd ever care too and a week without a movement is normal for her.</p><p></p><p>Mom is feeling very alone, unwanted, and unloved right now. If she calls the bros for anything, large or small, they give her the run around or may or may not show up. I know much of what she calls them about is trivial to them. But she isn't always calling about whatever "problem" she is calling to see if she has someone she can depend on when she needs them. I totally understand their reaction (you do it enough it gets old) but them reacting to it the way they do actually only makes it worse. Mom has gotten progressively worse since her last husband died. She has never been someone who can live alone........actually this is the first time in her life when she has lived alone although she has gone through however many husbands. Being alone terrifies her, being old fail and alone puts it on a whole new level.</p><p></p><p>I went through a version of this with mother in law as she became more frail as her years advanced. Shortly before she lost her independence Fred and I noticed a dramatic increase in such phone calls. It's normal for the elderly. It was my signal to watch her more closely........and it was only about a year or so when we had to force her into assisted living for her own safety. Then? It increased tenfold. mother in law felt very vulnerable in the nursing home ect and called me every time I turned around. I did my best to be there for her, but I also spoke with the doctor about giving her something to relieve her anxiety. Then had to help him talk mother in law into taking it. In the end it took a stay in the psychiatric ward to get her to do so.</p><p></p><p>Which is something else I have that is not available to mom or my sibs back home. Here we have a psychiatric ward geared to the elderly (they only service the elderly). Mom gets out of hand I have somewhere to take her that I know is a good facility........and trust me, she will not leave until she is stable no matter how long it takes to get her that way.</p><p></p><p>In my sibs defense...........they've only realized in the past year or so that mom is not sane. I realized it back in junior high. I suspected it before then. I used to help grandma with my schizo aunt.........and right about that age it "clicked" that mom was a different version of my aunt. So I've had many years to come to terms with my mother's mental illness. My sibs are just now stepping out of denial.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 628171, member: 84"] Here is a classic example of Mom: Bro called me a few mins ago to let off steam. Mom called him after 11:30 last night to complain that she thinks she has a blocked bowel because she hasn't had a BM in a week. Bro tries to get her to go to the ER to be checked. She refuses, excuses such as time of night and no one to watch the house when she goes (she thinks people are stealing from her remember). Bro gives up and Mom eventually gets off the phone. 6am this morning she calls and wakes him up. Same complaint. She now is willing to go to the ER but Bro has to get someone to come watch the house, but he can't tell them WHY they're watching the house........ He reminds her that she kept him up last night and now has woken him up early on his day off resulting in very little sleep for him. Doesn't matter, she now is ready to go to the ER. It's up to him to find someone to watch the house that she'll approve of and take her. Bro can be a class A Arse but I do hear the frustration in his voice / tone. I know he is putting up with a LOT of her bull all the time simply because he is close. He was a bit more reasonable this time. Although he still is shocked none of this surprises me in the least. Mom is a nurse. It was a bad career choice. Not that she didn't make a good nurse but because someone with paranoia should never learn medicine. She has been "dying" of something or other not too long after graduating nursing school in her 40's. I'm not concerned with her "blocked bowel". Unfortunately I know more about Mom's bowel habits than I'd ever care too and a week without a movement is normal for her. Mom is feeling very alone, unwanted, and unloved right now. If she calls the bros for anything, large or small, they give her the run around or may or may not show up. I know much of what she calls them about is trivial to them. But she isn't always calling about whatever "problem" she is calling to see if she has someone she can depend on when she needs them. I totally understand their reaction (you do it enough it gets old) but them reacting to it the way they do actually only makes it worse. Mom has gotten progressively worse since her last husband died. She has never been someone who can live alone........actually this is the first time in her life when she has lived alone although she has gone through however many husbands. Being alone terrifies her, being old fail and alone puts it on a whole new level. I went through a version of this with mother in law as she became more frail as her years advanced. Shortly before she lost her independence Fred and I noticed a dramatic increase in such phone calls. It's normal for the elderly. It was my signal to watch her more closely........and it was only about a year or so when we had to force her into assisted living for her own safety. Then? It increased tenfold. mother in law felt very vulnerable in the nursing home ect and called me every time I turned around. I did my best to be there for her, but I also spoke with the doctor about giving her something to relieve her anxiety. Then had to help him talk mother in law into taking it. In the end it took a stay in the psychiatric ward to get her to do so. Which is something else I have that is not available to mom or my sibs back home. Here we have a psychiatric ward geared to the elderly (they only service the elderly). Mom gets out of hand I have somewhere to take her that I know is a good facility........and trust me, she will not leave until she is stable no matter how long it takes to get her that way. In my sibs defense...........they've only realized in the past year or so that mom is not sane. I realized it back in junior high. I suspected it before then. I used to help grandma with my schizo aunt.........and right about that age it "clicked" that mom was a different version of my aunt. So I've had many years to come to terms with my mother's mental illness. My sibs are just now stepping out of denial. [/QUOTE]
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Brother and I are going to Butt Heads (vent warning)
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