L
Liahona
Guest
Buddy, how did your mtg go? Sorry if you posted it somewhere else and I just haven't found it yet.
buddy
New Member
Thanks for asking....
So, I am still processing and biding my time responding to other posts. I know how I FEEL, I just dont feel great. I can't explain that because really we did work through some issues, but there is this feeling of a hidden agenda. AND they scheduled another IEP meeting for Nov 18th. Now, imagine, we are meeting every 3 weeks anyway.... so what the heck.
Ok, we worked thru some issues and a couple of teachers talked about their concerns. Here is the thing....They said, "he is so anxious and when he almost looses control he tries to stop himself, then begs not to be told on and not to be suspended. We see so much more anxiety and he is blurting out so much"
I sat there just looking like....WTH???? What have I said every single meeting since the first week he was at this school. IF we focus on the behavior, start suspensions etc. everything will become about that to him. He will be anxious and that will cause more blurting and aggression and that will cause more suspenions and that will cause more blurting and aggresssion.....
SO BIG SURPRISE!!!!!
Our home psychologist was wonderful. He said once again but this time in very clear language. THIS IS HOW BRAIN INJURIES WORK...even if he can learn the rules etc. until new brain pathways/roads are made he will go to the old behaviors. He has to practice the appropriate behavior over and over and over.
They say, but if he does that people will hear him and complain.
WELL, I undersand that, but what happened to all of the classroom education etc. to help people understand the disability?? I can't worry about all of the other kids. I just can't anymore because THEY are causing the increase.
So I asked for a graph to show his on task behavior and his negative behaviors .....GUESS what??? I was absolutely right and they admitted it...Since Mrs C the behavior support team aide left THAT is when things went south. And as soon as she left is when they started with the suspension stuff.
I talked to the sp. ed. coordinator and confessed my concern that the behavior plan was being interfered with by admin. My psychiatric was with me. She quietly said, yes, we (she and sp. ed team) have talked about that a lot. For whatever that was worth... She also said my concern about the recent behaviors they were so freaked out about was valid, probably an isolated thing because it related to the whole cafeteria job thing when he had a cold... and that since they did not collect data, the aide is not even iwth him during that time, and it was not addressed right away then it has to not be punished. I do want him to be safe of course so I agreed that if he can't go thru the line appropriately, he can pick what he wants to eat from a menu/paper and someone can go pick up the food for him. If that doesn't work, I will send a bag lunch. He can sit at his table again, and they will bring over the trained peers.
I emailed the teacher (we ran out of time) and asked her to send me an email to let me know why we are having another IEP meeting and if we are going to continue that along with the planning meetings. psychiatric for us is also an ed psychiatric, he said he saw that they did this to do the typical cya stuff. HE did like that they continued on the problem solving road and were wiling to listen.
TWO big concerns: The school psychiatric who meets with difficult child weekly and is doing the peer stuff...said that he got difficult child to stop running by grabbing his arm and told him he wont go. He said he just got really firm with him and told him he couldn't do it and he refused to let go of him. This is the guy who shoved difficult child into a chair one day when he came at me (I can take care of myself, and I did). He said this in response to the Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) saying she would be happy to walk him down to lunch but he runs ahead. I said....I am NOT comfortable with anyone strong arming him. First, I didn't think that was safe for Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) to try because difficult child would go into fight or flight and she could get hurt, and I told him he does not realize that though that may work for that minute, I am then strong armed in the evening and for a long time after that. I really dont trust him. EVERY ONE heard it and agreed with me. I said how uncomfortable I was with that to the teacher when she called later.
The other is that the school counselor is going thru a bunch of "why do you do that?" How do you think they feel when you do that? stuff. Both psychiatric and I said that is fine, but if you expect that to change the behavior at the time???? He has learned if you say WHY? he needs to come up with an answer. It is not usually what really triggered a behavior. And he is good at memorizing rules. He will say he doesn't WANT to follow them (now, he just started saying that but behaviors are really the same) and he even told me he is going to say that so they think he is tough and is not a special needs kid. Since he does care and does have a consience, I wish he WAS making the choice to do what he does.
So everyone agreed he would probably freak that they stopped his 6th hour gen ed class, his lunch routine is changed and very rigid and they are having him walk out a hall at the end of the school to go to his bus so he doesn't pass all of the other kids making a scene on the way to the bus. Well he held it together, and even said it was ok when they reviewed the changes. But by 5th period, he was flipping out. I knew immediately when they called it was about the bus. And so he stormed out of the class at bus time and walked thru the bushes and swore at the PRINCIPAL and said he didn't have to listen to him. He asked over and over if they were kicking him out anyway. (So he had totally given up and was worried) Now he is freaking out that he couldn't stop his mouth from saying that. I am going to be there tomorrow night to support him. I am so over this. They say they expect it with all the changes...and understand then say they can't let him do that. THIS is not a change from the past 2 years...why now is it such a big deal????
I am sorry for rambling... to top it off he started that medication and had that weird zing thing in his head....doctor never called back.
I am not clear in my head yet. I can feel this is going to be one of those mind spinning nights. Sometimes I wish I drank.
So, I am still processing and biding my time responding to other posts. I know how I FEEL, I just dont feel great. I can't explain that because really we did work through some issues, but there is this feeling of a hidden agenda. AND they scheduled another IEP meeting for Nov 18th. Now, imagine, we are meeting every 3 weeks anyway.... so what the heck.
Ok, we worked thru some issues and a couple of teachers talked about their concerns. Here is the thing....They said, "he is so anxious and when he almost looses control he tries to stop himself, then begs not to be told on and not to be suspended. We see so much more anxiety and he is blurting out so much"
I sat there just looking like....WTH???? What have I said every single meeting since the first week he was at this school. IF we focus on the behavior, start suspensions etc. everything will become about that to him. He will be anxious and that will cause more blurting and aggression and that will cause more suspenions and that will cause more blurting and aggresssion.....
SO BIG SURPRISE!!!!!
Our home psychologist was wonderful. He said once again but this time in very clear language. THIS IS HOW BRAIN INJURIES WORK...even if he can learn the rules etc. until new brain pathways/roads are made he will go to the old behaviors. He has to practice the appropriate behavior over and over and over.
They say, but if he does that people will hear him and complain.
WELL, I undersand that, but what happened to all of the classroom education etc. to help people understand the disability?? I can't worry about all of the other kids. I just can't anymore because THEY are causing the increase.
So I asked for a graph to show his on task behavior and his negative behaviors .....GUESS what??? I was absolutely right and they admitted it...Since Mrs C the behavior support team aide left THAT is when things went south. And as soon as she left is when they started with the suspension stuff.
I talked to the sp. ed. coordinator and confessed my concern that the behavior plan was being interfered with by admin. My psychiatric was with me. She quietly said, yes, we (she and sp. ed team) have talked about that a lot. For whatever that was worth... She also said my concern about the recent behaviors they were so freaked out about was valid, probably an isolated thing because it related to the whole cafeteria job thing when he had a cold... and that since they did not collect data, the aide is not even iwth him during that time, and it was not addressed right away then it has to not be punished. I do want him to be safe of course so I agreed that if he can't go thru the line appropriately, he can pick what he wants to eat from a menu/paper and someone can go pick up the food for him. If that doesn't work, I will send a bag lunch. He can sit at his table again, and they will bring over the trained peers.
I emailed the teacher (we ran out of time) and asked her to send me an email to let me know why we are having another IEP meeting and if we are going to continue that along with the planning meetings. psychiatric for us is also an ed psychiatric, he said he saw that they did this to do the typical cya stuff. HE did like that they continued on the problem solving road and were wiling to listen.
TWO big concerns: The school psychiatric who meets with difficult child weekly and is doing the peer stuff...said that he got difficult child to stop running by grabbing his arm and told him he wont go. He said he just got really firm with him and told him he couldn't do it and he refused to let go of him. This is the guy who shoved difficult child into a chair one day when he came at me (I can take care of myself, and I did). He said this in response to the Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) saying she would be happy to walk him down to lunch but he runs ahead. I said....I am NOT comfortable with anyone strong arming him. First, I didn't think that was safe for Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) to try because difficult child would go into fight or flight and she could get hurt, and I told him he does not realize that though that may work for that minute, I am then strong armed in the evening and for a long time after that. I really dont trust him. EVERY ONE heard it and agreed with me. I said how uncomfortable I was with that to the teacher when she called later.
The other is that the school counselor is going thru a bunch of "why do you do that?" How do you think they feel when you do that? stuff. Both psychiatric and I said that is fine, but if you expect that to change the behavior at the time???? He has learned if you say WHY? he needs to come up with an answer. It is not usually what really triggered a behavior. And he is good at memorizing rules. He will say he doesn't WANT to follow them (now, he just started saying that but behaviors are really the same) and he even told me he is going to say that so they think he is tough and is not a special needs kid. Since he does care and does have a consience, I wish he WAS making the choice to do what he does.
So everyone agreed he would probably freak that they stopped his 6th hour gen ed class, his lunch routine is changed and very rigid and they are having him walk out a hall at the end of the school to go to his bus so he doesn't pass all of the other kids making a scene on the way to the bus. Well he held it together, and even said it was ok when they reviewed the changes. But by 5th period, he was flipping out. I knew immediately when they called it was about the bus. And so he stormed out of the class at bus time and walked thru the bushes and swore at the PRINCIPAL and said he didn't have to listen to him. He asked over and over if they were kicking him out anyway. (So he had totally given up and was worried) Now he is freaking out that he couldn't stop his mouth from saying that. I am going to be there tomorrow night to support him. I am so over this. They say they expect it with all the changes...and understand then say they can't let him do that. THIS is not a change from the past 2 years...why now is it such a big deal????
I am sorry for rambling... to top it off he started that medication and had that weird zing thing in his head....doctor never called back.
I am not clear in my head yet. I can feel this is going to be one of those mind spinning nights. Sometimes I wish I drank.
L
Liahona
Guest
I am sorry about the hidden agenda. You are right. They probably have one. At least some of them do. Sounds like you have some really great people on board and some stinkers.
If that one teacher admitted to strong arming him at the meeting then the teacher probably has done it before lots. Sp. ed. coordinator was brave for agreeing with you about admin. But there isn't much she can do about it. Is a coordinator the same as a teacher? Or is she with the district? If she is with the district then she might be able to do something about it. That might be the hidden agenda. Dealing with admin.
Don't think you can worry about the hidden agenda. You can't do anything about it.
Also sounds like you are asking them to change the way they think (Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) education) and the way they respond. Even for a great team this won't be easy.
It was one of those meetings that you keep going over and over in your head just trying to process everything.
If that one teacher admitted to strong arming him at the meeting then the teacher probably has done it before lots. Sp. ed. coordinator was brave for agreeing with you about admin. But there isn't much she can do about it. Is a coordinator the same as a teacher? Or is she with the district? If she is with the district then she might be able to do something about it. That might be the hidden agenda. Dealing with admin.
Don't think you can worry about the hidden agenda. You can't do anything about it.
Also sounds like you are asking them to change the way they think (Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) education) and the way they respond. Even for a great team this won't be easy.
It was one of those meetings that you keep going over and over in your head just trying to process everything.
buddy
New Member
Liahona, yup you summed it up. Yeah, I guess I have to think that maybe the hidden agenda is to PROTECT him from being transferred....to have it all down that they ARE making progress so that admin has a hard time making a unilateral decision....My past experiences in other districts didn't allow my mind to go there....hmmmmmm..... I will always choose the positive if I can... but I will still be cautious.
Yes, the sp. ed coordinator is the designee...she is a district coordinator that works in about 6 schools. They are right below the director of sp. ed. I have heard terrible things about her....but for us she has been ok. so we will see.
Yes, the sp. ed coordinator is the designee...she is a district coordinator that works in about 6 schools. They are right below the director of sp. ed. I have heard terrible things about her....but for us she has been ok. so we will see.
