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Bullying by peers even worse for mental health than abuse by parents
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 655703" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I can be easily bullied to this very day. </p><p></p><p>I think it has to do with people pleasing. And that must have to do with fear of not pleasing and the backwash from being broken and broken as a child.</p><p></p><p>?</p><p></p><p>It wasn't until I went back to school as an adult that I found my "people". I chose a beautiful private college with high academic standards because I had always wanted to go there. And there we all were. </p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Everyone was like me</em>.</p><p></p><p>When I brought my grandchild there, or either of my children, they found it boring.</p><p></p><p>I am still boring like that. My favorite program is Book TV.</p><p></p><p>I really like TED talks, and things like ballet.</p><p></p><p>There is much for me to think about, here.</p><p></p><p>I suppose I am a weird person, then. A friend and I were talking one day, and she said: "You do have that geek thing going on."</p><p></p><p>She is very strong, and I like strong women. I seem to be surrounding myself with them at this stage of my life. </p><p></p><p>Maybe one day I will be strong like that.</p><p></p><p>The difference seems to be that they are not appalled at their own inappropriate behaviors, whereas I am. No, the difference is that they do not consider their behaviors inappropriate. </p><p></p><p>Shame again, then. My take on it, I mean.</p><p></p><p>Oprah talks about reading having been her way out ~ about reading having taught her that there were other worlds, other ways of being. If you think about it, there is such a thing as economic bullying in the adult world, or appearance bullying. (Plastic surgery, perfect smiles, and the things we do groom and dress and present ourselves.) There is a pecking order in the animal kingdom. Plants too are in a pretty savage battle for existence. Is human bullying a crueler, more sophisticated version of that?</p><p></p><p>But there is a line between fighting for position and criminal activity.</p><p></p><p>Putting someone's head in a toilet is criminal.</p><p></p><p>It is not different than forcing someone to wear a yellow star or any of the things that happened next, to the Jewish people. It is not different than beheading some defenseless someone to terrorize the world into taking you seriously.</p><p></p><p>I have friends who are gay, and who fought so hard for the right to be married. Initially, I had no opinion on that. Not my issue, right? But theirs was a thirty year relationship. They did eventually marry one another. And even after all those years, having their relationship legitimized in that way meant something sacred to them. That fight for legitimacy, for the public affirmation attending that concept of marriage, taught me (and I think, is teaching many of us) that marriage is, after all, a sacred thing.</p><p></p><p>So, that has been a valid experience, for me.</p><p></p><p>Here is a thing I am ashamed of: There were girls in my school too, who did not look very pretty or dress very well or smell very nice. I saw one of them after we all had graduated. She did not seem the same meek person. </p><p></p><p>And you know, I wondered why that was.</p><p></p><p>Ew.</p><p></p><p>It happens alot though, if you think about the way we all go about preparing for high school reunions. Remember those movies, Back to the Future and Michelle and Romy's (?) High School Reunion? Fraser did a show on meeting up with the high school bully long past the time when we believe those wounds have been healed, too.</p><p></p><p>And of course, I was always very certain that I was repulsively ugly. And I did then, as I do now, have that "geek thing" going on. </p><p></p><p>So it must be a common thing, to want to prove to those who maybe never even noticed us that we matter, that we are someone.</p><p></p><p>One of us described it, here on the site, as having her face right up against the window, but not being invited to go in. And maybe, to be very sure you would not be welcome to go in.</p><p></p><p>It's like that, I think.</p><p> </p><p>Think about what is going on here in America around the issue of our police forces behaving inappropriately. Those of us not affected by it don't see it. Those deeply and routinely affected by it are rebelling against what is happening to them, and the rest of us are not able to understand it.</p><p></p><p>I am glad your son had his sport, and that he is a great athlete, SuZir.</p><p></p><p>I would want to punish those who did that to him. I would want to expose them, today, for what they did.</p><p></p><p>It takes alot of courage to speak up. To admit what has happened to us, and to speak up.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 655703, member: 17461"] I can be easily bullied to this very day. I think it has to do with people pleasing. And that must have to do with fear of not pleasing and the backwash from being broken and broken as a child. ? It wasn't until I went back to school as an adult that I found my "people". I chose a beautiful private college with high academic standards because I had always wanted to go there. And there we all were. [I] Everyone was like me[/I]. When I brought my grandchild there, or either of my children, they found it boring. I am still boring like that. My favorite program is Book TV. I really like TED talks, and things like ballet. There is much for me to think about, here. I suppose I am a weird person, then. A friend and I were talking one day, and she said: "You do have that geek thing going on." She is very strong, and I like strong women. I seem to be surrounding myself with them at this stage of my life. Maybe one day I will be strong like that. The difference seems to be that they are not appalled at their own inappropriate behaviors, whereas I am. No, the difference is that they do not consider their behaviors inappropriate. Shame again, then. My take on it, I mean. Oprah talks about reading having been her way out ~ about reading having taught her that there were other worlds, other ways of being. If you think about it, there is such a thing as economic bullying in the adult world, or appearance bullying. (Plastic surgery, perfect smiles, and the things we do groom and dress and present ourselves.) There is a pecking order in the animal kingdom. Plants too are in a pretty savage battle for existence. Is human bullying a crueler, more sophisticated version of that? But there is a line between fighting for position and criminal activity. Putting someone's head in a toilet is criminal. It is not different than forcing someone to wear a yellow star or any of the things that happened next, to the Jewish people. It is not different than beheading some defenseless someone to terrorize the world into taking you seriously. I have friends who are gay, and who fought so hard for the right to be married. Initially, I had no opinion on that. Not my issue, right? But theirs was a thirty year relationship. They did eventually marry one another. And even after all those years, having their relationship legitimized in that way meant something sacred to them. That fight for legitimacy, for the public affirmation attending that concept of marriage, taught me (and I think, is teaching many of us) that marriage is, after all, a sacred thing. So, that has been a valid experience, for me. Here is a thing I am ashamed of: There were girls in my school too, who did not look very pretty or dress very well or smell very nice. I saw one of them after we all had graduated. She did not seem the same meek person. And you know, I wondered why that was. Ew. It happens alot though, if you think about the way we all go about preparing for high school reunions. Remember those movies, Back to the Future and Michelle and Romy's (?) High School Reunion? Fraser did a show on meeting up with the high school bully long past the time when we believe those wounds have been healed, too. And of course, I was always very certain that I was repulsively ugly. And I did then, as I do now, have that "geek thing" going on. So it must be a common thing, to want to prove to those who maybe never even noticed us that we matter, that we are someone. One of us described it, here on the site, as having her face right up against the window, but not being invited to go in. And maybe, to be very sure you would not be welcome to go in. It's like that, I think. Think about what is going on here in America around the issue of our police forces behaving inappropriately. Those of us not affected by it don't see it. Those deeply and routinely affected by it are rebelling against what is happening to them, and the rest of us are not able to understand it. I am glad your son had his sport, and that he is a great athlete, SuZir. I would want to punish those who did that to him. I would want to expose them, today, for what they did. It takes alot of courage to speak up. To admit what has happened to us, and to speak up. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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