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Bullying by peers even worse for mental health than abuse by parents
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 655858" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Or something that is just 'for laughs' and you are just showing lack of sense of humour, lack of ability to protect yourself or lack of something, if you feel hurt.</p><p></p><p>SWOT: Banning a kid from prom is way too little, way too late. Punishing one doesn't really work for something that is a group dynamic problem. And bullying tends to be at its worst late elementary and middle school anyway. Doesn't make much impression to a first grader if you ban her from prom ten years from now. Nor does banning kids from sports teach them better group skills, but just puts them in danger of being outcasted themselves.</p><p></p><p>Kids need to be taught and guided, not just punished. Mediating bullying situations with main players and whole class, and with parents if need to, works much better. They all need to learn how to deal with different people, how to be a nice class mate even if they do not like someone and so on. Picking one 'bully' and letting the brick wall fall on them isn't too helpful and just brings up resentment or makes the former bully a new bullied.</p><p></p><p>I for example still feel intense resentment towards those kids who bullied my Ache all those years in emotional level (interestingly enough Ache seems much more talented in art of forgiveness than I do), but rationally I also know most of them have grown to great young people. They are no evil, nor are they adult bullies. Many likely do not even understand how much they hurt Ache. There would not had been any point in punishing them for example by making them trouble in getting to colleges etc.</p><p></p><p>I do agree that even rather harsh punishments can be effective if they are done right. One of those worked a long way to solve a bullying in situation in Joy's sport team when they were around 14. When lesser actions didn't help the tournament they had waited a long time was cancelled from all of them and instead they first were expected to stay home couple days to think how everyone of them had influenced to situation that led to this and then they spent quite a few hours with the junior director of the club, their coach and sport psychologist to discuss about it. None of the kids was kicked out of the team but bullying stopped because all the kids understood it was in their very best interest to put the end to it. I also know school trips being cancelled due bullying problem in class and so on. Those type of collective punishments work better because they make all the kids responsible, not just single out one who happens to be loudest or least savvy with it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 655858, member: 14557"] Or something that is just 'for laughs' and you are just showing lack of sense of humour, lack of ability to protect yourself or lack of something, if you feel hurt. SWOT: Banning a kid from prom is way too little, way too late. Punishing one doesn't really work for something that is a group dynamic problem. And bullying tends to be at its worst late elementary and middle school anyway. Doesn't make much impression to a first grader if you ban her from prom ten years from now. Nor does banning kids from sports teach them better group skills, but just puts them in danger of being outcasted themselves. Kids need to be taught and guided, not just punished. Mediating bullying situations with main players and whole class, and with parents if need to, works much better. They all need to learn how to deal with different people, how to be a nice class mate even if they do not like someone and so on. Picking one 'bully' and letting the brick wall fall on them isn't too helpful and just brings up resentment or makes the former bully a new bullied. I for example still feel intense resentment towards those kids who bullied my Ache all those years in emotional level (interestingly enough Ache seems much more talented in art of forgiveness than I do), but rationally I also know most of them have grown to great young people. They are no evil, nor are they adult bullies. Many likely do not even understand how much they hurt Ache. There would not had been any point in punishing them for example by making them trouble in getting to colleges etc. I do agree that even rather harsh punishments can be effective if they are done right. One of those worked a long way to solve a bullying in situation in Joy's sport team when they were around 14. When lesser actions didn't help the tournament they had waited a long time was cancelled from all of them and instead they first were expected to stay home couple days to think how everyone of them had influenced to situation that led to this and then they spent quite a few hours with the junior director of the club, their coach and sport psychologist to discuss about it. None of the kids was kicked out of the team but bullying stopped because all the kids understood it was in their very best interest to put the end to it. I also know school trips being cancelled due bullying problem in class and so on. Those type of collective punishments work better because they make all the kids responsible, not just single out one who happens to be loudest or least savvy with it. [/QUOTE]
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Bullying by peers even worse for mental health than abuse by parents
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