Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mstang67chic, Jun 5, 2009.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    How did the appointment go? I read your update on husband's conversation before the appointment....way to go husband! I'm sure that was very difficult for him but it's good he did it. It may not sink in to difficult child but it finally shows that husband is on board (however reluctantly) too.

    Thinking of you and hoping things went well.
  2. Burndoubt

    Burndoubt Burndoubt

    Well, husband took difficult child to his appointment yesterday morning, and I got to 'tag along' on speakerphone during the meeting. I heard more from difficult child about the lengths he tried to go to in order to keep the family pets safe from the smoke in the house. While I was wincing on my end of the phone, it made my heart a little lighter to hear that there was SOMETHING he cared about other than himself (that's not grouching about him so much as teenagers in general *wry grin*) and how much trouble he was going to be in once we got home.
    During the meeting, the counselor & husband brought up a very good question to difficult child. Through all of this (namely the fire, but in general, resulting from his actions in the last 8 months), what has been lost?
    Loooooong pause from difficult child.
    Finally, he mumbled something about my steam cleaner & husband's saw. He mumbled that we didn't trust him anymore. husband pointed out (I think. It was hard to hear) we had no reason to trust him. Then came another long pause from difficult child.
    husband asked him what about the enjoyment of his sisters' childhood? We can't have children over to the house anymore due to his behaviors. They're rarely invited out.
    How about his own childhood? He has no real friends here. He doesn't get phone calls, rarely calls anyone else. His grounding is now effective to staying in his room with no tv or video games, and no tv downstairs with the family unless specifically mandated by the parents.
    A pause of a few seconds, then difficult child went back to mumbling about losing our garage fridge & his dad's rock posters. Not commenting on what husband said.
    *sighs* The counselor asked difficult child to leave for a minute so he could talk with-husband & me. There's some discussing to do between us coming up, but all in all, Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was recommended. I've done a little more homework, and think I may have found a local psychiatric hospital with a home setting for kids that may fit us best. husband is still pretty set against Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but with the counselor's suggesting it & me helping ease his mind that we're not sending difficult child into "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest", I'm really hoping it'll work out for all of us.
    Right now, I'm just holding on tightly, trying to get all the info I can to help the situation. Praying a LOT. *wry grin*
    Thanks for the good thoughts/prayers/wishes!
    Any suggestions or tips for dealing with Residential Treatment Center (RTC) stuff? It's all new to me.

    husband said clearly, "What about
  3. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    What about WHAT??? Don't leave us hanging here woman! LOL

    Much as I'd like to pull your husband's head out of his nether regions, I feel bad for the guy. It sounds like he's finally starting to come out of his denial and it can't be easy or pain free for him. But you know, if your difficult child was physically ill, there would be no question of getting him to the doctor or putting him in the hospital for treatment. Stress this to your husband. THIS IS NO DIFFERENT. He needs treatment of some sort and you are getting him WHAT HE NEEDS.

    As for the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I don't personally have experience with it even though I wished I had. But, I do know that a lot of kids in these places have families that aren't always as involved with their kids as you guys are with your difficult child. The staff isn't always used to active parents. My advice is to be as involved and willing as possible. Do your research on available Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s (sounds like you've started), discuss it with the counselor and/or other professionals and see what they recommend. Once you find a placement, read your parent rights and make sure you know what you are allowed and expected to do. Be aware of the treatment plan, the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s expectations, testing, medication if warranted...basically anything they do, make sure communication is the key. To my knowledge, they can't do a whole lot without your permission...testing, medicating, things like that. Just let them know that you want what's best for your child and you are all willing to work with them. I'm sure you'll get better advice from someone who has been there so take what I've said with a grain of salt.

    All in all though, it sounds like you all are headed in the right direction for this boy and I hope things can get worked out soon.
  4. Burndoubt

    Burndoubt Burndoubt

    Hmnn... must've been a typo on my part somewhere. *frowning* Sorry 'bout that! I think I'd lost my typing skills/train of thought when I was talking about husband asking difficult child what the family had lost (in the fire/throughout the last 8 months due to difficult child's behaviors).
    *sighs* So far, nothing else has really happened. husband is getting his passport arranged to leave, most likely during the kids' birthday month. Not planned, but it's the only job he's been offered that'll pay what we need. :( Plus, it's one month here (he starts in July), then a month away on a DOD contract, and back again, for about 6-8 months. husband & I have an appointment. with-difficult child's counselor on Thursday. I wanted to throw something at him (the counselor) the other day! difficult child'd broken another rule about being available on time for his appointments and wandered off, missing for 20 minutes. When asked by the counselor if he should've handled things another way, difficult child replied that he'd done just fine and wouldn't change a thing. I think folks in the waiting room heard me grind my teeth. The counselor informed me that I just needed to keep constant and remind him over & over of every little rule.
    Funny, his method has shown squat for results on so many points. difficult child feels no remorse for his actions in the last 8 months. If EIGHT MONTHS of reminding him haven't worked, what will?!? I've about had it with this guy!
    *breathes deeply* Sorry again... the closer husband's leaving time approaches, the more angry and stressed and scared I'm becoming.
    Okay, other than the appointment. with husband, the counselor & I to talk about difficult child's Residential Treatment Center (RTC) & continuing treatment, husband & I have a counseling appointment with-our old counselor (finally one husband respects!) on the 15th. I'm praying that she can get thru to him that you DON'T force a person with PTSD to live as a single parent (but with no parental rights) with a child who's violated her daughter, set fire to the garage & has ODD/CD. I keep praying she sees this, and can find a way to explain it so he can actually SEE that's what he's doing.
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I think you need to make it clear to husband - it's too bad if he doesn't like the thought of Residential Treatment Center (RTC), because it is still preferable to the thought of such an uncontrolled difficult child (not your own, either) being left to drive you nuts, put everyone in danger and with you having to carry the can, while husband goes off to earn money. It's great he has a job that is paying so well, but the reason such jobs pay well, is they put a huge strain on the family, even a "normal" family.

    I think you ahve to insist - when husband leaves for the job, so does difficult child. One way or another. Otherwise you'll be tying a blue bow under his chin and leaving him on the doorstep of some orphanage.