Bye bye birdie!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Nov 17, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Our plans for traveling down to my Dad's house for T'giving are off. Not because of kt or wm, but because my doctors asked me not to travel that distance right now.

    They are in the midst of getting some testing on schedule (hopefully done in a 2 day stint in the hospital). However, neither the neuro or my GP feels it's a good idea to be that far away with the neuro problems & other presenting symptoms. And to be very honest, I don't feel that I could physically handle the travel right now. Who knows, maybe at Christmas.

    kt & husband are disappointed. Im devastated. I'll make my sisters visit last for a bit

    kt may have respite next weekend & it would start Friday. I have a couple of Christmas project going on that I could work on & husband always keeps himself busy with one thing or another.

    kt wants to make linguine with shrimp for T'giving dinner. I'm okay with that. husband is going to bake the pumpkin & apple pies with kt. I guess I supervise - it is MY kitchen you know.
  2. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    So sorry. I know how much you were looking forward to going. Sending hugs for you,husband and kt.

  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry Linda. {{{Hugs}}}
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry Linda. It isn't fair.

    Linguine with- shrimp sounds great!
  5. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    Can your dad come your way?

    Liguine and shrimp sounds great and is a lot easier than a big turkey dinner.

    Sorry it didn't work out. I hope you are feeling well soon.
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh Linda I hated reading your Post... I am so sorry. Some things are just not fair. You have the right to a gold old fashioned tantraum!!!

    I do hope you find some comfort and peace this week. It is your kitchen, I would have a hard time giving it over to others also... I understand.

    I am sending lots of positive juju... and soft hugs this week.
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Loth, I doubt Dad will be traveling anywhere as this is the first T'giving since Mom died. He knows it's going to be emotional; told my older sister he'd rather be home & emotional than anywhere else.

    My sibs are doing their very best at family celebration coordination - Mom had 50 plus years on them. And they will do a wonderful job putting together a T'giving holiday; it will do Mom proud.

    I'm sad - devastated. I'm sick & tired. This treatment is a long course, not unlike chemo. You just have to stick it out & get to the other end.

    I'm just doing my best right now to control the mood swings, agitation & level of restlessness that comes with the prednisone.

    Saying that, 2007 has been a sucky year AND it's almost over. Thank the dear lord. :faint: :angel: :future:
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    With mother in law when things were bad, we took her away from her wallowing place and got her out and about (and distracted). Her sister died, so we brought her to stay with us (this was before she moved - it helped her decide to move close to us) and also husband's cousins, daughters of another sister who had died some years earlier, came to visit and also commiserate. We all went out for coffee and had a hilarious "remember when?" time.

    My mother also used to get maudlin round anniversary time. As a result, the anniversaries built up and up, until September became the time of year when she remembered her sister; her parents; her aunt (who was like a sister) and her husband (my father). She died within a day or two of the anniversary of his death. She had just given up (with some very good reasons piled on top of it all). But anniversaries can be very distressing, if you allow yourself to wallow. And think - would those loved ones want the day of their death to be a constant reminder to be sad? Surely they would want their lives celebrated with joy and fun memories!

    It's easy to wallow. You can also milk sympathy, which justifies the maudlin episode. But you can also celebrate and not feel guilty.

    If you can, nag him to visit. Tell him you need him with you. And because you ARE doing things differently, this extra break with tradition should help him enjoy the day more, than he would otherwise. You can set a place for your mother if you want, or simply put a happy photo somewhere or pass round the photo album full of happy memories (note - if you do, take notes of what he says, such stuff is gold).

    A friend of ours came to our place for Christmas, a few months after his marriage broke up. His wife (who was one of my best friends) was very selfish and always got what she wanted, so she had the kids for the whole of Christmas and New Year.
    So he came to stay with us for a week. He did very little other than sit in a corner doing things on his computer (long before the Internet; he had set up his computer on our dining table, we just celebrated around him). I poked food at him every so often; we opened gifts around him, shoved a few in his direction - he just wanted to be near people but to not have to participate. So we left him alone except at feeding time. Friends dropped in, said hello, he said hello back and went back to the computer. He was not so alone and therefore happier; we could see he was still eating and breathing, so we were happier. It worked out for all of us. It may have seemed odd, but to be surrounded by a certain amount of normality without actually having to do anything - it was what he needed.

    So do try and get your dad to visit. And if he feels like crying a bit, then let him. Or join him. Then do what we did - go out for coffee. It's what your mother would want, I'm sure.

  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry Linda. This just stinks.

  10. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm so sorry, Linda. Of course you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

    Let's see. This is November there are 12 more days in November, and 31 in that makes 43 days until 2008. Let's start the countdown now to get this horrendous year over for you.

  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry-I know how you were looking forward to this. Hugs.