C difficult child's ballgame.

[Shari]

She had a softball game last night, so, obviously, husband and I went.

I'm not even sure what to say. She needs help? Understatement.

She is in middle school. They play 2 games and have the equivilent of a varsity and a junior varsity game, mostly divided by grade (7th grade and then 8th grade) but not entirely. The mostly 8th grade team played first. Cgfg is in 8th grade, but she did not play in the first game. She played one inning in the 7th grade game.

For the entire duration of the rest of the evening, she did not even sit in the dugout with her team. She showed up if she thought she might get to play, then she went to sit with her mom and grandma in the stands.

She tried to come sit with us, and her dad told her she needed to go sit with her team. She left, but went straight back to her mom.

32 girls on the combined teams, and she has the attitude that they "aren't my friends" so much she can't even sit with them and be part of the team. And her mom thinks its great she wants to be with her so much. I think its sad. A 13 year old girl has so isolated and so a part of nothing.

It just made me angry to be there. I am not sure what to do, but I'm contemplating not going back.

 

[susiestar]

That is sad. Wish I had suggestions, but there isn't anything you can do about this one. I am sorry.

 

[svengandhi]

Why is she on the softball team? Is there another activity she might enjoy more? One of my easy child's was on the baseball team (not school, just little league) and exhibited the same type of behavior. Finally, he told us he just found baseball really boring and didn't enjoy talking with the other boys because all they talked about in the dugout was the game and sports. He came to sit with us because our conversation was more interesting. Needless to say, we lost our money. He was much happier when we stopped going to baseball.

 

[Shari]

She's in it because she wanted to be and asked to be.

Its good for her in that she goes to all the practices and has lost about 15 pounds already. Which is GREAT. Unfortunately, I don't see it lasting very long. She has games again tonight, and I really, really, really am not even interested in going. Susie's right, not a thing in the world I can do about it, except tell her if she's not going to make an attempt to be a part of the team, I'm not going to waste my time going to watch "her" team. There's so many things the girls in the dugout can do...they can help keep score, help the catcher get her gear off and on, get bats between batters off the field, be the "gatekeeper", oh, and then there's always...cheering for your teammates.

Its sad, really.

 

[DammitJanet]

So she really wanted to do this huh? Well then I guess my comments are moot. Im sure you have 4H. I was going to suggest that.

Early teen. Lets see. Digital camera and walk around to learn photography. If not softball, what about soccer or maybe skeet shooting? Rollerskating? Bike riding? Do you have a track where she could learn to inline skate?

 

[Shari]

She likes riding the horse, so I suggested 4H. No go. She quit band this year (and needed to for the past 2 years, because she was not participating in it, either...)

She has inline skates. She had to sneak them out of her mom's to take them to the park with my mom, once. Don't know that she's ever used them since. She had the digital camera on her Ipod touch that she lost, but she didn't use it. I also gave her my digital camera. She loves to "have" stuff, but she rarely uses the stuff she has. Softball is no different...Oh so proud of all the new gear, but absolutely not a part of the group, and entirely her own doing.

Her mom is a miserable hermit. I've known her for 20 years, and she has no friends. Never has. Grandparents are no better. They've lived in this town for 30+ years, and last year when the electricity was out during an ice storm, they (husband's ex and her parents) called US for water (they have a well with an electric pump). They had no one else to call. How sad is that?

And they are raising cgfg to be just the same, and mama thinks its cute. I think its hideously sad, and that we'll be lucky if she's not knocked up by 16.

 

[DammitJanet]

Very sad. See....that is why I enjoy doing all these things with Keyana. I really dont know if I will be around when she grows up. I hope so, but I want her to always remember that her Grandma was there and did fun stuff and was always around her just encouraging her and loving her. I dont ever want her to doubt that. I dont want her to think, why didnt anyone want me to try new things? I want her life to be full and rich and for her to have people who will show her all the little things in life.

 

[Shari]

Am I an awful person if I just don't even go to her games?

It just rubs me entirely the wrong way to be "supportive" of this. In my book, if you sign up to be on a team, you're on the team. I didn't and won't allow Wee or difficult child 1 to do this (had instances with both where they tried...if you're on the team, you're a part of the team, and I made them stick with it. In the process, both made new friends and ended up liking the sport they were on, even if they didn't do it again the following year.)

And Janet, I hear you. That's why I bought her the horse, so she could do mounted shooting and ride, because it was something she's expressed an interest in and has been doing for the past year or so. I want to encourage and help where I can, but I don't see that giving positive attention to her for "being on the softball team" when she doesn't even participate with the team is a good thing. This is "mom's" turf, so there's nothing we can really do, other than say "I'm not coming to watch you sit in the stands with your mom and grandma" (husband wouldn't let her sit with us...which, kudos to husband, I think.)