Calendar incident number 3

[Shari]

This is going to be harder than heck to explain, but I'll do my best.
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Back in April, cgfg's mom swapped weekends with us, partly for her plans, and partly for ours. Then, at the end of April, sent an email telling us that she was keeping cgfg Memorial weekend (husband's holiday), and we'd be flip-flopping every week/weekend the rest of the summer. (ie - cgfg's "usual" weekend/week here would begin June 3, but her mom wanted to change it so she'd be there on the 3rd and here on the 10th - Know what I mean??)
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We had already made plans for some summer weekends based on those being cgfg's weekends with us, so instead of just telling her mom no, I had the stupid idea of trying to work with her, and husband liked the idea. I wrote all of our plans for the summer on a calendar, and told cgfg and her mom, here's what we have planned, you guys work it out and let us know. If she isn't here on a weekend we already have something planned, that's fine, she can chose where she wants to go and what she wants to do, we can change some things, but some things we couldn't change. I also put the shooting matches and practices and trail rides on the calendar, since cgfg is involved in that, handed over the calendar, and told them whatever they decided on would be fine - just let us know.
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Back when cgfg first started visiting husband in the summer, the original court order states alternating on 2 week intervals, but it seemed too hard for cgfg, so they started alternating weekly in the summer, instead, and its stayed that way since. And forever, they've exchanged on Friday, which is also in the paperwork.
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So, we send her mom this calendar and her mom sends this calendar back and she's written who's house cgfg is at on each weekend for the remainder of the year. June 4 has her mom's name, June 11 and 18 have husband. June 25 and July 2 have her mom. July 9 & 16 is husband, July 23 is her mom. Some are 2 weekends in a row, some are just 1, but you get the gist. She wrote nothing else on the calendar, and made no other contact about it.
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So cgfg came to our house on Friday, June 10 and has been here since. Going on as we always have, we planned for her to be here til she went back to her mom's on the 24th.
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Last night, I get a text message from her at 6:30 wanting to know where cgfg is, and if she'll be there in time for dinner. HUH?
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So I grabbed husband and he and I discussed it and responded that we were planning on her staying til Friday. And now I'm just gonna type in the convo...(M is for cgfg's mom)
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M: WHY? She's been there for a week. When did you decide to change it???
M: I thought it was just for 2 weekends and the weeks would stay the same???
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Us: I'm going off the calendar and the weekends you wrote down. We have always switched on Fridays for entire weeks. Where did Monday swapping come in?
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M: When did having her for two weeks come in??!?! I don't mind switching weekends but it would be nice if the weeks could be the same.
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Us: So you are saying you want her there tonight, then she'll come back here next Monday, June 27, and go back there July 1, and we'll be swapping on Mondays AND Fridays?
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(Delay for 45 minutes)
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M: I can't get an answer from (her husband) so I don't really care what she does.
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Us: We aren't trying to be difficult, but we didn't know about around on Monday's AND Friday's. She's already made plans for part of this week. And if we do that, its going to make for some screwy weeks.
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M: Well, you've already made it all screwy with all your shoots and **** so I didn't think it would matter what day she went where as long as she got her week with one or the other of us.
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Us: Ya know, she's 14 and she wants to participate in an extra curricular activity and there's no reason she shouldn't be able to. I don't schedule the shoots and practices, I'm just trying to make it possible for her to be a part of it.
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M: I know, but we have other kids that we don't get to keep all the time like you do and we were just trying to keep them on the same weeks, but LIKE I SAID SHE CAN JUST STAY!
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US (actually, me directly): That's fine, we'll bring her home Friday. Going forward, if you want to swap around weeks, that is fine and we'll work with you if we know in advance. Since you are not working, we have asked to just have her on weekends thru the summer, and she can spend weeks with you, but at last request, you denied that. In the meantime, I don't appreciate being blamed for "my" shoots screwing things up. Its only going to get worse as she gets older unless we can learn to work together.
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To which we never got a response. So, cgfg has been "swapped" twice this summer, and this is already the third calendar screw up (not counting the fact that she didn't even keep a copy or write down her weekends and ordered me to bring it to her). husband should have just said no to swapping anything. I hate dealing with her.

 

[AnnieO]

Shari, sweetie, are you absolutely positive that this isn't Onyxx and Jett's BM????????

… April 14, website, from BM
Since the last of school is June 14th. I want from June 19th at 6P.M. until July 3rd at 6P.M. and then my next two weeks July 10th at 6P.M. until July 24th at 6P.M. Now you have my 60 day notice.
… April 18, from us
The 19th is Father's Day to start with and the order says 28 consecutive days. Since you have continually refused to work with me we must follow the orders to the letter as you demanded. We already have plans so the earliest you can start is now would be July 5th.
… May 4, from BM
Since you want to be a jerk about it. You switch every year about my 28 days. That's fince fine I will have Jett for 28 day consecutive days starting July 5th at 5:30PM, but not a day less. I still have my Tuesdays and Thrusdays and my every other weekend. I will not give them up. Since August 2 is my normal visitation day. I will return him at 8:30PM
… May 4, from us
calling me names for following the court orders as you demanded is a good example of why I am not willing to deviate from them. Also remember it is 28 consecutive days with one weekend in the middle belonging to me.

Last summer, she took an extra 2 days because she was supposedly "taking him out of town" - but on his return, we found out he spent THIRTY DAYS playing video games and glued to the TV. That 2 days was supposed to be made up - and never was. Also, exchanges are ALWAYS on Fridays or Sundays. ALWAYS. We suggested the 5th because it's "our" holiday for the 4th this year.

I think next year I'm going to get husband to send it through the lawyers and give her 2 choices. Period.

She never responded, and I guarantee she will throw a holy hissy fit if we go to pick Jett up.

I think cgfg's mom is either BM's twin or a close relative...

 

[Shari]

Nope, I'm not! lol I've thought it for a while. lol

 

[AnnieO]

If she calls me, again? Arrest for harassment, since she has repeatedly been told NOT TO, and I have the text where I told her emergencies only or I'd call the cops. AGAIN.

husband won't answer her calls. Jett has learned to leave messages or call using their house phone. We use that dratted website for all communication. Well, we TRY anyway - it takes her MONTHS to read stuff. Because, you know, we're only trying to cause trouble.

 

[Shari]

I wish we had a website like that. The things that woman has said to me...this exchange was mild.

 

[Shari]

Ya know, I happened to glance at another calendar last night that I had marker with cgfg's weekends before any of this ever took place; those weekends were the every others that would have been if the scheduled wasn't dinked with at all.

This would have been her weekend/week to be HERE, anyway. Her mom's "I thought the weekends were changing but the weeks would stay the same" doesn't even work.

She thinks we have money, I might suggest to husband that he play on that fear and go for straight up 50/50. Nothing cgfg is asking to do is unreasonable except the expectation that she "cant" cause she's some kind of property of her mother's, and "dad can't have her".