Call from difficult child

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Apr 2, 2012.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi all,

    Well my son may not be currently using but he is still a difficult child!!! Although at least hanging up on me without saying anything abusive is an improvement over past behavior!!

    So he called today to tell me his bike is s****. One wheel is broken (or something) and the tire is shot. Well first of all I had assumed he had sold the bike so it is good news if he still has it!! He says it is his mode of transportation and he rides it everywhere. That is good. But it is a lousy bike... the implication being we should get him a better bike!!! Man when I think he is getting humbler he shows how darned entitled he is!!

    So I told him we were not spending a lot on a bike for him. That we may help him fix his bike but he needs to talk to someone to figure out how to do that. He hung up on me.

    I called him back from the home phone cause I wasn't sure if he hung up on me or if it was the lousy cell service I have at home. I asked him if he hung up on me. He said yes... I said so do you want to talk or do you want to hang up. So we talked a little more. He said he thought that we would realize he had held on to the bike for a couple of months and so consider getting him a better bike. I basically said no at which point he said he thought Dad understood a need for a better bike better than I do. I asked him how the job search was going and he said he has some prospects. I said well you need to get a job and then you can get yourself a better bike! At which point he hung up on me again!

    I called the sober house director and asked how he was doing. One thing I was wondering was if I was getting totally conned... you know he sold the bike and was now trying to make me believe he still had his bike so I would give him more money? I felt better after talking to him. Yes he does seem to have a bike. Yes he is so far testing clean. No he is not putting as much effort into finding a job as he should be.... he found him watching TV one day and told him his job right now is looking for a job.. he needs to be out looking from 9 to 4 each day. When he has a job then he can spend free time watching tv!!! Yes he is going to some meetings. No he really does not need a better bike, that one will do him fine. They work with a local bike shop and can help him get it fixed.

    So that is where we are. It is so easy for me to go down the road of wanting to fix things... I think I did pretty well today putting it back on him though so I am improving.

  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You did great TL. He certainly tried to manpulate you but you stood firm and you verified that he did not need a better bike. If he was trying to con you hopefully he will think twice before he tries it again.

    A few days before I figured out my difficult child's con and cut her off we were talking about her 21st birthday in June and I said maybe we could get her a small flat screen tv for her apartment and she said she well she was thinking of asking for a better laptop. I couldn't believe it, how entitled she thought she was. First of all we got her laptop for her when she went to college in 2009 and she promptly got kicked out. She hardly used the laptop at all. She was living out of the house and in rehab and sober houses most of last year so it didn't get used at all. It's a better laptop than mine and she said it was a piece of junk. Huh???? I let he know she would not be getting a new laptop. And now she won't even be getting the tv. I am planning on sending her a card and and that's it. I'm sure she will see that as an outright rejection but we have no contact with her and I have spent far too much money on getting her set up in her apartment only to find out we were conned. And anyrthing I send her would give her that much more she can spend on alcohol and drugs.

  3. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I totally agree with you.... we are giving money to the sober house directly to dole out to him. He won't be getting any money directly from us. It bugs me that the only time he calls is when he wants something.....and the fact that he is sitting around and watching tv.

  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Glad you got to talk to the director of the house and have your concerns addressed. Sounds like you did amazingly. You guys go through so much and just keep on learning and guiding them, I know I have said this before but it is so impressive.
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Oh I know that entitlement attitude far too well...(((HUGS))) I think you did fantastic - great job mom!!
  6. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Wow you did great! I got the same koi about jeans the other day. None fit (new ones from Christmas I never have seen her wear), the ones that did had broken zipper or were too worn out. MMmmm.. perhaps you could use your own money on Friday to buy a pair? Then, took her to the Dr. yesterday and she had on one of those new pairs and looked darling! I was mad and told her so. Her excuse....I didn't know I had these.
  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wonderful job TL, you did all the 'right' things. :bravo:
  8. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Welll he waited a couple of days and then called Hubby... first question was did Mom talk to you about the bike? My husband said yes... and then difficult child worked on him for a new bike! LOL. Apparently the rear wheel is bent. My husband told him we will get you a new wheel but not a new bike!!! Yay.... it feels like it has taken years but we are now completely same page!

  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yay good work husband!

  10. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Now your difficult child knows that he can't try to manipulate you or your h in order to get his way. Great job!
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    What is so crazy is that some of the cheaper (Walmart, Target, etc.... bikes) are so much better than "better" bikes from long ago.... any new bike is such a treat. I'm sorry he is so ungrateful, I loved my bike. (Too bad he didn't lucky like Q last year. Several years ago I got us both really good bikes -when I was working- got him one of those bmx type bikes even the teens like, on sale at a good bike shop. He broke bikes yearly and this one is in great shape still, BUT I had found a five dollar one at a garage sale, walmart type, which was a 12 speed. THAT one was his favorite. Someone stole it from our porch two years ago (locked up and all) and he really liked it best because he is a long distance biker. BUMMER for him because I can't buy bikes now. THEN last year, we think someone who moved out somehow did not remember to load their bike. I finally moved it out of the rain after two weeks. It was a super good name bike, a 15 something speed. Not huge either, so even though he is kind of short he could ride it. I asked the office, the kids around us, NO ONE claimed it. no license on it, police said no way to track it down and he could have it if no one claimed it. I told the office if someone yells that they see he has their bike, just let us know, we didn't TAKE it. SO, he got an amazing bike and it was amazingLY free.)
    Anyway, just a story I still can't believe.

    I wish he could appreciate that you never had to even get him that bike. I feel frustrated even with Q when he is not thankful at times, can only imagine how you feel. You and husband did great. Glad he is supporting you as a unit.
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Manipulation. Triangulation. They are so good at it. Cory still tries it. He has learned that his father says no to most things unless it has to do with the baby. I say no to most things that cost money but I can be swayed on stuff that dont. LOL.

    Of course he was going to try to get a new bike from each of you. Heck he doesnt want a bike! He wants a vehicle. He doesnt want to tool around town on a bike. That simply isnt cool and its hard work. How on earth is he supposed to actually get a job on a bike. He will be a bozo. He needs a car. Dont you know that mom? Employers arent gonna hire him without one. So he has to sit at the sober house and watch tv...gee. You just dont understand.

  13. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Both you and husband did GREAT!!!! Glad you are finally working as a team. GO TEAM TL!!!!!!