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<blockquote data-quote="dayatatime" data-source="post: 638017" data-attributes="member: 17805"><p>So, while difficult child has sounded positive in every other call I have gotten, tonight, he was his old manipulative self. ….but maybe he really is being abused in the rehab….</p><p></p><p>He started the conversation saying that I had to give him permission to leave early, he was giving me a chance, otherwise I would ruin his life. He is planning on getting himself kicked out of the program this evening. He says he's keeps getting beat up (he has never been in a fight in his life). He says he can barely open an elbow from a previous injury, that he had to spend a day in "protective custody" with the adults, while they could get rid of the people who hurt him. He said the fights are ongoing and started 5 days ago, but the last time I talked to him was less than 5 days ago and he didn't mention anything-- he said time was going quickly and he was enjoying his sobriety.</p><p></p><p>None of that is going to work on me-- I told him that if he chooses to get himself kicked out (sounded like he planned on assaulting someone) that was his choice, and that if he gets kicked out he is definitely going to a longer term place. He said his plan was that he would just get himself kicked out of that one and the next one and the next one and it was all my fault. I told him that his behavior is totally his choice and I didn't have anything to do with it.</p><p></p><p>I texted his PO and will have him call up there tomorrow to get a clearer idea of what's going on--I'm going to try and delegate and that stay as far out of it as possible. But, yes, I feel upset. I feel concerned for his safety. I feel furious at him. When the phone rang I did not really want to talk to him, but I answered. If adults from the facility are calling I want to talk to them…. So I don't know if just not answering is a great plan…. </p><p></p><p>I feel disturbed, my peace is disrupted (but I am responsible for my peace…) and I feel angry and futile. </p><p></p><p>And, I don't know there discharge protocol. Like, do I need to lock up jewelry and cash that I have been leaving out in case he is just here when I get home? Can I refuse to take him back? And if I can, is doing so really merited, and if it is can I stomach it? </p><p></p><p>His behavior really does have nothing to do with me. He is from a less tough background that many of the people he's with and his social skills are poor, so it wouldn't surprise me--or, I do assume that there is at least a grain of truth to what he is saying about being bullied…. But he is bullying me when he starts in with a demand, telling me that I have to do something I don't want to do or he's going to bring suffering. Grrrr. </p><p></p><p>I really don't want to talk to him. But I don't have the heart to tell them that he's not allowed to call me. </p><p></p><p>We are now on day 10 and I continue to feel myself settling. The settling keeps getting deeper so I don't know how far it goes. I don't know what *I* am like, without this huge constant stressor. And I'm annoyed.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dayatatime, post: 638017, member: 17805"] So, while difficult child has sounded positive in every other call I have gotten, tonight, he was his old manipulative self. ….but maybe he really is being abused in the rehab…. He started the conversation saying that I had to give him permission to leave early, he was giving me a chance, otherwise I would ruin his life. He is planning on getting himself kicked out of the program this evening. He says he's keeps getting beat up (he has never been in a fight in his life). He says he can barely open an elbow from a previous injury, that he had to spend a day in "protective custody" with the adults, while they could get rid of the people who hurt him. He said the fights are ongoing and started 5 days ago, but the last time I talked to him was less than 5 days ago and he didn't mention anything-- he said time was going quickly and he was enjoying his sobriety. None of that is going to work on me-- I told him that if he chooses to get himself kicked out (sounded like he planned on assaulting someone) that was his choice, and that if he gets kicked out he is definitely going to a longer term place. He said his plan was that he would just get himself kicked out of that one and the next one and the next one and it was all my fault. I told him that his behavior is totally his choice and I didn't have anything to do with it. I texted his PO and will have him call up there tomorrow to get a clearer idea of what's going on--I'm going to try and delegate and that stay as far out of it as possible. But, yes, I feel upset. I feel concerned for his safety. I feel furious at him. When the phone rang I did not really want to talk to him, but I answered. If adults from the facility are calling I want to talk to them…. So I don't know if just not answering is a great plan…. I feel disturbed, my peace is disrupted (but I am responsible for my peace…) and I feel angry and futile. And, I don't know there discharge protocol. Like, do I need to lock up jewelry and cash that I have been leaving out in case he is just here when I get home? Can I refuse to take him back? And if I can, is doing so really merited, and if it is can I stomach it? His behavior really does have nothing to do with me. He is from a less tough background that many of the people he's with and his social skills are poor, so it wouldn't surprise me--or, I do assume that there is at least a grain of truth to what he is saying about being bullied…. But he is bullying me when he starts in with a demand, telling me that I have to do something I don't want to do or he's going to bring suffering. Grrrr. I really don't want to talk to him. But I don't have the heart to tell them that he's not allowed to call me. We are now on day 10 and I continue to feel myself settling. The settling keeps getting deeper so I don't know how far it goes. I don't know what *I* am like, without this huge constant stressor. And I'm annoyed. [/QUOTE]
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