Call from social worker

[dstc_99]

I am glad you are at peace with this. It is so hard to watch them do what they do to themselves. JKF all the advice and assistance you gave him was good and sound. Now it is time for him to take advantage of what is out there. He is old enough. He can do it.

Now lets just pray he does

 

[TearyEyed]

JKF,

I know how hard it is to see them homeless but it is his choice not yours. My son is homeless right now as well.. He was released from jail last week. He knows he cant come home. I dont know where he is sleeping, eating, etc. You are right, I think COM's suggestion about reflecting on everything we HAVE TRIED to help our difficult children really helps. It makes things a tad bit clearer and guides us back on track. We have tried everything, absolutley everything we can. And it has not worked. There is nothing else we can do. Except hope and pray that one day they will come around and get the help they need. I have a list of resources that I have given difficult child time and time again if he should decide he wants help. I have that list with me at all times because I am sure that he loses it like everything else. Having that list with me for some reason gives me some peace. It reassures me that I will help him when he wants the right help. I am only a phone call away when and if that day every comes. You are doing the right thing. Stay strong. Sending big hugs!

TE

 

[DammitJanet]

You have done everything humanly possible and then more. Im sure he can get clothes...if not he can steal them. They seem very good at that. (Bad Janet...bad)

If you are a bad mother I must be a *itch because Cory told me last night that he would be dead this morning if I didnt do xy and z last night...lol. I think he is still alive and I didnt do squat. It is so much easier when you dont live with them!

 

[recoveringenabler]

Until you find your way clear of those crummy difficult child feelings, our wagons are circled around you JKF. You are not alone. we are surrounding you.............just look around...............I'm the one frantically waving with the big cowgirl hat and high boots..........there's Cedar, COM, SS, Janet, Susie, MWM, Lil, Guideme, Hope&Joy, 2much, ECHO, CJ, Pasa, dstc, TE, the whole crew, we're all here for you JKF.

 

[JKF]

Right after I posted earlier I got a call from difficult child. He told me that he called one of the references I gave him for homeless youth and they are going to help him find housing. He said he called and explained his situation and that the social worker at the hospital talked to them as well. The hospital is apparently going to keep him there until a bed opens with this place. The woman from this place also tried to call me earlier but I was busy and couldn't take her call. She left a message saying they will definitely help difficult child and to please call her tomorrow so I can give her more info into his background. I really don't want to get overly involved but I will return her call in the morning and go from there.

I'm usually afraid to hope but right now I am the slightest bit hopeful that things are going in the right direction. And all of this happened without me doing any of the work. All I did was give difficult child the phone number but that was it. I left it in his hands and stayed out of it.

Once again - to me anyway- total proof that detaching is the key to this whole crazy journey.

And I know from experience not to be too optimistic. I'm very aware of the fact that difficult child will probably mess this opportunity up like all of the others but right now, in this moment, all is well. I'll take any small victory I can get at this point.........


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[JKF]

Of course nothing is ever easy. The hospital social worker just called and left a message asking if I can pay for a motel for a few days while they wait for a bed to open up for difficult child at the shelter. I didn't pick up and I haven't called back yet. I'm not looking forward to talking to this social worker after the last time. At least this time I can prepare myself better. Last time she ambushed me. I'm going to explain that no I can't pay for a motel. I don't have the money. I can barely pay my own bills at this point. They are going to have to work with street smart and figure out a solution.

I actually think I'm going to wait and call her back later after I get dinner made. Maybe I'll get lucky and I can leave her a VM. I know that sounds cowardly but there's only so much of these people I can take. I feel like I've spent years of my life on the phone with hospitals, group homes, doctors, CMO, nurses, social workers, shelter directors, etc. Enough is enough already!


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[Echolette]

JKF, you don't owe that social worker anything. She is responsible for placement for an adult man. You don't have to call her back AT ALL. And I certainly would not call her back today, or give her the satisfaction of finding a message on her machine when she gets in in the morning. Vote #1: Don't return her call. Vote #2 Call after hours tomorrow night and just say "no, we won't be able to do what you propose." End of story.

The nerve!

Echo

 

[JKF]

I love the way you think Echo!!! Love love love it! I think I'm going to take your advice and do exactly that! I'm tired of these people. It just want everyone to leave me the "f" alone already!!!


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[dstc_99]

I am guessing she would love to have you pay because then she wont have to do the leg work to get it paid for by someone else. There are plenty of places out there that will pay for a room for a few nights. You just have to know who to ask. I wouldn't pay for the room either.

Let her do her job. I imagine she is paid by the hour. She can work those hours any way she wants. She wants you to go above and beyond for a son who has made his own life miserable by choice. Let her do it. She can work late or donate her free time and money to difficult child just as easy as you can. LOL I bet that wont happen though.

 

[DammitJanet]

Talk about cats...your difficult child seems to always land on his feet!

Thats something that really gets me about some of these difficult child's. They can manage to slide through life without anything touching them. If anything happens to me, the worst things happen. Years and years ago I wrote a $25 check during a hurricane to a little store for some supplies on my way to a shelter that I was forced to volunteer at. I had to get some ice, drinks, cookies and snack foods...etc. Well, that little store was demolished during the hurricane so somehow the checks they took in right before the hurricane didnt get deposited. I never noticed it because it was for a small amount and I dont balance my checkbook like im supposed to...I use the ATM method along with trying to remember what has gone through and what hasnt. Obviously I simply didnt add well. About 2 years later I get served with a warrant saying I had a bad check charge! OMG....I rushed down to the magistrates office and paid the whole thing off. That all happened in the mid 90's.

About 2005 I tried to get a job working in a calling center for a bank they ran a background check that supposedly only went back 7 years but they pulled up that check charge which was 9 years old. I was offered the job then when the background check came back they took back the offer. Now had I known that one little bad check charge would effect me so much, I could have done something totally different. I could have gone to court, had them do a prayer for judgement continued which means only that if I didnt get in trouble again within the next 12 months my record would be clear. I also wouldnt have had to pay anything!!!!! Well except that original 25 bucks. As it was I paid court costs and all sorts of things. I tried to do the right thing and got screwed.

This is why Im so paranoid about breaking the law. I am convinced if I so much as forget to pay for that gallon of milk on the bottom of the cart...or the bottle of juice I drank while shopping, I will get busted for shoplifting and go to jail. I wouldnt get a ticket...nope, they will put me under the jail.

 

[JKF]

I know Janet!! It's crazy! He seems to get away with everything. It amazes and disgusts me bc some of the things he does he should definitely be in prison for!

And omg about that check! Your luck is like mine. If it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all! I would never even consider breaking the law bc I know I'd get caught. Not worth it. It's just easier to slave away and earn an honest living! difficult child obviously doesn't get that though. To him it's easier to scam people and steal. And he keeps doing it bc he never gets caught! And the couple of times he did get caught he was let off the hook! It's pure insanity!


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[susiestar]

Janet, you think like I do. I am scrupulously honest because I know that not only would they arrest me, my dad would see it in the paper and have a fit at me. THAT would be as bad as the arrest!!!

JKF, you have done all you need to for your son. Don't give in to the social worker. they CAN and WILL find a room, or he will survive on his own. They just want you to make it easy so they don't have to do their jobs. Your son is an adult, and he can make his way like every other adult. If he really wants warm clothes and nice things, he can figure things out.

Do something nice and stop beating yourself up for your son's poor choices. He is now his own responsibility.

 

[DammitJanet]

I want to know where to go and sign up in the line for people to take pity on me. Where is it that I can go and have everyone do everything for me? If I dont have money for food, guess what, I dont eat. I havent had the money to buy a new pair of shoes in over two years. No one gives me a clothing allowance. Maybe I should go live under a bridge and get all sorts of things.