Called police to have difficult child removed

[Nancy]

Long story but short version, difficult child spent Sunday night at neighbors, came home about 1p.m. changed clothes and asked me to take her to girlfriends. She forgot her phone and called to see if she left it here. I went thru her texts and found she has been partying, sending/receiving nude pictures to and from men she is meeting on internet and other places, talking to at least ten different guys about having sex, drinking, etc, making a joke about her entire life. It is apparent she is so entrenched in this lifestyle and that we are just delaying the inevitable.

She came home and got her phone and left and I told her not to come back. She worked last night and kept calling us to pick her up and we didn;t. At 10:30 she started banging on the door demanding her Christmas money. by the way easy child found out on Christmas day that she stole her debit card and used it to get a tatoo last week. I took the money for the tatoo out of her Christmas money, put some clothes in a bag with the money and put it on the front porch. She would not stop banging on the garage door demanding her car and more money so we called the police who came and told her she had to leave.

It was freezing cold and she had to walk to wherever. Supposedly one of her guy friends was picking her up but she waited an hour and he still didn't come. Evidently he finally came and took her to a hotel where she is now. She has only $68 on her.

It was a horrible gut wrenching thing to do and husband and I were sick to our stomaches. A friend she met in rehab died of an overdose on Christmas day and that doesn't even cause her to think about what she is doing to herself.

Nancy

 

[AnnieO]

Oh, Nancy. Hugs... Honestly not anything else I can say, but I really feel for you.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I am so, so sorry Nancy.

 

[DDD]

I bet you, husband and easy child are all sick and scared. The handwriting has been on the wall for quite some time but, darn it, I was really hoping and praying that she was ready to address her problems and try for a healthy future. You all have done every possible thing, given all your hearts and tried to reach out for all help available. Huge supportive hugs coming your way.

I expect a new volley from her soon. Take as much opportunity as you can to fall back and regroup. Our young addicts are highly manipulative, truly dishonest from the years of addictive habits and experts at avoiding individual responsibility. on the other hand, as my Dad used to say during his years in recovery from alcoholism "hope springs eternal in the hearts of man". I
understand quite a bit about your sad situation but I am not walking in your shoes. My hand of friendship is all I can offer.
DDD

 

[toughlovin]

I am so sorry Nancy that you are going through this but you did the right thing! Really you did. I really think one of the worst things for a parent is to have to call the police on your own child but sometimes in the end that is also the most loving thing you can do. She knows recovery is possible, she at least had a taste of it which is good. At this point the best thing you can do is to let her reach bottom, and don't try and keep her from doing so. But it is so so hard. Hugs. I am thinking of you.

 

[KTMom91]

I'm so sorry, Nancy. Many, many hugs to you and husband.

 

[barneysmom]

Nancy,

I too offer a hand in friendship and support. I like DDD's advice to fall back and regroup. Pounding on the garage etc. sounds like your daughter is creating as much chaos as she can, hoping you will break. She is fighting for her addiction. Don't break.

Some of the stuff sounds like borderline traits -- extreme impulsivity, labile emotions (especially like banging on the door). Maybe review some of your borderline information to give you more insight, because a borderline person who doesn't have any skills yet, can really create some horrific situations, but the underlying reasons are different, and you might not feel so terrified if you can sort it out a little.

Jo

P.S. You're helping her to recover (from both Borderline (BPD) and addiction) by holding firm. The pain I'm sure is excruciating, especially when you have triggers from your own family to relive. "Grief is the purest pain you'll ever know." But you can make it. It's the only way for your daughter to have any chance. She could be on the verge of recovery at this minute, or it could take years, or maybe never. We just don't know.

 

[HaoZi]

 

[Nomad]

There are no words.
We know about those 'sick to the stomach' moments.
This one had to be a doozey.
Christmas (in particular) is often a hxll ride over here with 'you know who.' I thank the one above, we were spared this year...I do believe it was the first and I am humbled and grateful.
I pray that you have one of these next year. To say that you deserve this is the understatement of the century. But, I have faith that it will come to pass.
My heart (as always) goes out to you and husband. You are strong. PLEASE practice good health practices.....and if you haven't found a support group as of yet....get thee to one asap.
As always, I hope that you will continue to make good mental health services available to your daughter, but she will have to make the decision to make use of these services and move forward.
It is a real kick in the backside...but my husband often says 'it is what it is,' and although I cringe when i hear this...I understand its meaning...we just don't have control over what we would like to.
Hugs/good thoughts and prayers.

 

[klmno]

((HUGS)) I've called the police on my difficult child many times and pushed for him to be incarcerated a few of those. It is gut wrenching but the fear of what could happen to a difficult child on the streets, especially when they behave so self-destructively, is even worse. I wonder, have you thought about trying to get her arrested so she isn't on the streets?

 

[DammitJanet]

All I can do is say hugs.

 

[katya02]

Adding my love and support and many hugs, Nancy.

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry. It is such a hard thing to have to do. HOpefully this will help her reach the point where she truly decides to change her life. MAny gentle hugs, and lots of support.

 

[everywoman]

nancy, I'm so sorry. I've had to cut ties with my difficult child as well. It has not been easy, but life has certainly been a lot more peaceful in the past few weeks. I turned his phone off---but his dad gave him the line that belonged to him---and I can't shut it off because of the disconnect fee.