Called the police under the best conditions?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by llamafarm, Mar 16, 2012.

  1. llamafarm

    llamafarm Member

    Finally called the police, with some help yesterday. A little background; difficult child had been very aggressive on Tues and Wed., hitting, punching, slapping and kicking me. Wed. evening I told him if you hit me one more time I will have to call the police. I knew I had to draw the line and I drew it. I prepared husband (who left town on Thurs. a.m.) that a call to the police would happen in the next few days.

    So... yesterday I picked him up from school at 9ish to take him to the psychiatrist. She had already had word from difficult child's counselor that he had been violent at home the night before. (I had contacted her immediately on Wed. evening) The p-dr. told difficult child that Mom should absolutely call the police when he hit me. She explained assault again, etc. He understood.

    On the ride home he was convinced he was sick. ( I explained his stomach probably felt bad because he was tense, that wasn't a fun meeting and that is what bodies do when people are upset) I told him he was not going home. Of course much arguing, debating, yelling, kicking the car went on as we drove to school. He threatened to grab the wheel and then hit my driving arm. We were a couple minutes from school. I didn't even speak to him. As I parked he told me he wasn't coming in. I took the keys, my coffee (I knew this was going to take a while) and my purse and walked into school. The principal is very supportive and knows the situation. I gave her the update an said I need to call police. She made some calls for advice and then called the police for me! It had to be done and I was glad I was able to do it with some support in the room. difficult child sat in the car for a half hour then made his way in where the principal placed him in a conference room. The cop came and took him to the squad car and had a talk with him. He came back into the office in tears and apologized. The office staff scooted him away for lunch in the conference room so he could compose himself and I thanked everyone and left. A report was made. No charges were made. The officer said she put the fear of God in him.

    It is odd, but I feel very good about the whole thing in a very upside down sort of way. I followed through and I feel back in control. Of course more calls will most likely be made to police in order to deal with his behavior, but it is a huge first step. I felt pretty shaky preparing for the officer's arrival, but I felt so much better when I left the school. I was surprised.

    He came home as if nothing happened. He was mad at me for various things last night, but there was no hitting. Bad words, anger, but no hitting. I know this is just the beginning, but any start is a good start.
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Good for you!!!!
  3. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Good for you!! That first time is the hardest. I congratulate you for following through. One of my biggest regrets is that I didn't call sooner. I hope things become better from here on out.
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am so glad it worked for you. I will hopefully break that cycle he was in and yes, you will probably have to call a few more times. That behavior was such an "automatic" for him that it will be hard for him to break it, especially without help and lots of praise. Even when he gets verbal with you, you need to praise him for not getting physical to KEEP him motivated.

    Glad you feel better and in control. THAT is how a parent should feel.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so PROUD of you!! It is so hard to admit how out of control your child is when your child is hitting you. The principal and school staff was great and so were you. You did exactly what you needed to and so did everyone else. Such a RARE thing nowadays wth the schools, so it is awesome that they worked with you to help both you and difficult child.

    The officer sounds great, and I hope she truly did motivate difficult child to not do that again. It is going to take hard work and praise and probably a few more calls to break the cycle of violence, but you are on the right track.

    This was excellent parenting and that is why you feel better and more in control. You are an awesome mom!
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Great job!
  8. idohope

    idohope Member

    Good Job! My difficult child has been warned. She hits me again and I call. So I look for the strength that you displayed.
  9. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Great job - that couldn't have been easy :bravo:
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Excellent! I love that you took your coffee inside.
    :coffee:I hope, hope, hope he learned something.
    Still, you'll have to do it again. Hopefully, not any time soon.
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Funny, my thought (this is how sick my world must be) was that you took the coffee so he would not throw it on you. I clear the car before Q gets in! No left over drinks in the cup holders because if he gets mad then I am going to get a head full of yuck.

    I dont know if I told you guys, but I called the police to ask about this kind of thing. I was told they dont want to scare my son they want him to love the police and they would never give him a strong talking to. He can have a tour of the police department though. sigh. (I am sure if he is actually HITTING me they might have another thing to say but I told them he hits and kicks me)
  12. llamafarm

    llamafarm Member

    To clarify, I took the coffee in because I had just bought it and I hadn't even have sip yet.(we had stopped to get some donut holes for him on the way home from the p-doctor hoping for a smooth trip to school) No way was I missing out on that cup of coffee! I knew if I didn't take it in it was going to be cold by the next time I saw it. It probably looked very strange to the office staff when I walked in and said I needed to see the principal. When they said she was busy, I said, "no problem, I'll wait. I'm not going anywhere soon." and sat down to drink my coffee. Needless to say the head secretary went right in to get the principal. I highly recommend this technique. I have never seen this secretary move so fast once I settled in!

    Hey, by the way it was a fairly good day today. A few disagreements not solved by his hit/slap/punch/kicking....Day 1.
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    That "I'll wait" technique can be SUPER effective. Esp if you seem to be in NO hurry. I still remember Marg telling us about doing this at an official's office, maybe the chief of police not sure who's office but she had her knitting, a thermos, snacks, a book, all that she needed to spend HOURS there comfortably. She was so nice and pleasant to the secretary but just had NO intention of moving until she had spoken to the person. Having worked in an office, the LAST thing most secretaries want is someone sitting there watching them all day. And any smart person with a secretary keeps the secretary happy because an unhappy secretary can make life totally miserable for the boss.

    Remember the technique and how amazingly well it worked! Also keep the name of that police officer written down where you can find it. She seemed to get through to difficult child and might be helpful in the future too.