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Calm before the storm
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 634307" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Oh for Heaven's sake, this stupid phone!</p><p></p><p>The worst part about when it posts like that is that I can't reread the post before I post it.</p><p></p><p>Then?</p><p></p><p>I get so darned frustrated I can't remember what my point was!</p><p></p><p>Grrrr.....</p><p></p><p>Okay.</p><p></p><p>My point (and I do have one, as Ellen Degeneres says) is that we should love our kids with our whole hearts every chance we get. Definitely do the reloadable card. Celebrate your ability to do that for him and your generosity in doing it. </p><p></p><p>Be so grateful for every smallest instance when it somehow happens that you find yourself in a place where hope is possible.</p><p></p><p>But never let your difficult child know that is how you feel.</p><p></p><p>Tell him instead that you raised him better than to do what he is doing.</p><p></p><p>Tell him you love him, and that he needs to stand up and become the man you raised him to be.</p><p></p><p>Tell him you suspect drugs are at the heart of this (my son would go ballistic at any suggestion that his problems had anything to do with anything but what crummy parents and rotten childhood he had been subjected to and barely survived)</p><p></p><p>:0)</p><p></p><p>I believed him. </p><p></p><p>Don't do that.</p><p></p><p>It wasn't until we stood up to our own son that he had any interest in me or</p><p>husband as anything but money rescuers and blame boards. Laying responsibility for where the kids are in their lives squarely on them is a key factor in helping them stop doing what is harmful to them.</p><p></p><p>It took me such a long time to learn that.</p><p></p><p>Once I did though, it changed my life.</p><p></p><p>Turned out I was way too understanding with everyone in my life, and they were walking all over me.</p><p></p><p>So, I say help him only a little, and only when he's asked with respect. (This is </p><p>as important for your son as it is for you -- what kind of man treats his own mother badly?)</p><p></p><p>Never miss a chance to tell him he is your son, that you expect better from him than this, that he was raised better, that he knows better.</p><p></p><p>Love him enough to cut the money off at some point and to tell him now that you intend to do so.</p><p></p><p>That's another problem with this posting before I'm ready.</p><p></p><p>Too many words.</p><p></p><p>:0)</p><p></p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 634307, member: 17461"] Oh for Heaven's sake, this stupid phone! The worst part about when it posts like that is that I can't reread the post before I post it. Then? I get so darned frustrated I can't remember what my point was! Grrrr..... Okay. My point (and I do have one, as Ellen Degeneres says) is that we should love our kids with our whole hearts every chance we get. Definitely do the reloadable card. Celebrate your ability to do that for him and your generosity in doing it. Be so grateful for every smallest instance when it somehow happens that you find yourself in a place where hope is possible. But never let your difficult child know that is how you feel. Tell him instead that you raised him better than to do what he is doing. Tell him you love him, and that he needs to stand up and become the man you raised him to be. Tell him you suspect drugs are at the heart of this (my son would go ballistic at any suggestion that his problems had anything to do with anything but what crummy parents and rotten childhood he had been subjected to and barely survived) :0) I believed him. Don't do that. It wasn't until we stood up to our own son that he had any interest in me or husband as anything but money rescuers and blame boards. Laying responsibility for where the kids are in their lives squarely on them is a key factor in helping them stop doing what is harmful to them. It took me such a long time to learn that. Once I did though, it changed my life. Turned out I was way too understanding with everyone in my life, and they were walking all over me. So, I say help him only a little, and only when he's asked with respect. (This is as important for your son as it is for you -- what kind of man treats his own mother badly?) Never miss a chance to tell him he is your son, that you expect better from him than this, that he was raised better, that he knows better. Love him enough to cut the money off at some point and to tell him now that you intend to do so. That's another problem with this posting before I'm ready. Too many words. :0) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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