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Calm before the storm
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<blockquote data-quote="PennyFromTheBlock" data-source="post: 634330" data-attributes="member: 18271"><p>I've called (yesterday) to set up counseling for myself.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime- in reading through this thread- I realized that I'm assuming I have to either be mad or loving but that I can't be both.</p><p></p><p>He's an adult and he makes his own choices which come with their own consequences.</p><p>He was raised better than he's doing </p><p>He has disappointed me in ways I never imagined or thought possible</p><p>I have struggled so much with that boy. He has driven me crazy all his life. But I was his only advocate. I was all he had.</p><p>School write ups, suspensions, expulsions, alternative school, truancy court, rage, threats, threats of suicide, bullying, stealing, lying, broken glass, holes in walls, poor grades, broken 'things'.</p><p>Blatant disregard for common courtesy and manners with me, but knew how to act in front of others</p><p></p><p>but he's MINE. And while I gravitate between feeling like I am responsible in some way for the things he has done since *I* raised him, I also know that everyday of his life he's MY SON. Mine. His "biological father" has not once in any way tried to help do anything or offer any assistance. Didn't care. So difficult child? He's mine. Good, bad, ugly.</p><p></p><p>I don't know- I guess I thought that in all this 'change' I had to be the hard <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> to prove a point to him. But you know what? difficult child needs to know that I do love him. And I do care about him. And I do pray for him- but what I will no longer do is love him more than I love me.</p><p></p><p>Y'all helped 'teach' me that. No one had ever told me I had the RIGHT to do that. I mean, it sounds like common sense, but it's not. Society says to be a good mom you would lay down your very life for your kids in every circumstance.</p><p></p><p>That's just not true.</p><p></p><p>I have no words with how much you all have helped me.</p><p></p><p>Strangers- people who don't know me and yet don't judge me and tell me that it must be because:</p><p></p><p>He was raised by a single mom</p><p>I should have chosen a better partner to have a baby with at 21</p><p>I should have spanked him more as a child</p><p>I should have disciplined him more as a child</p><p></p><p>etc, etc.</p><p></p><p>I did.....the absolute best I could with the hand I helped deal to myself.</p><p></p><p>I tried.</p><p></p><p>/sigh.</p><p></p><p>He'll get the reloadable card from the grocery store today- and y'all are right- I don't feel 'RESENTFUL'</p><p></p><p>enabling makes you feel resentful, helping feels good.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PennyFromTheBlock, post: 634330, member: 18271"] I've called (yesterday) to set up counseling for myself. In the meantime- in reading through this thread- I realized that I'm assuming I have to either be mad or loving but that I can't be both. He's an adult and he makes his own choices which come with their own consequences. He was raised better than he's doing He has disappointed me in ways I never imagined or thought possible I have struggled so much with that boy. He has driven me crazy all his life. But I was his only advocate. I was all he had. School write ups, suspensions, expulsions, alternative school, truancy court, rage, threats, threats of suicide, bullying, stealing, lying, broken glass, holes in walls, poor grades, broken 'things'. Blatant disregard for common courtesy and manners with me, but knew how to act in front of others but he's MINE. And while I gravitate between feeling like I am responsible in some way for the things he has done since *I* raised him, I also know that everyday of his life he's MY SON. Mine. His "biological father" has not once in any way tried to help do anything or offer any assistance. Didn't care. So difficult child? He's mine. Good, bad, ugly. I don't know- I guess I thought that in all this 'change' I had to be the hard :censored2: to prove a point to him. But you know what? difficult child needs to know that I do love him. And I do care about him. And I do pray for him- but what I will no longer do is love him more than I love me. Y'all helped 'teach' me that. No one had ever told me I had the RIGHT to do that. I mean, it sounds like common sense, but it's not. Society says to be a good mom you would lay down your very life for your kids in every circumstance. That's just not true. I have no words with how much you all have helped me. Strangers- people who don't know me and yet don't judge me and tell me that it must be because: He was raised by a single mom I should have chosen a better partner to have a baby with at 21 I should have spanked him more as a child I should have disciplined him more as a child etc, etc. I did.....the absolute best I could with the hand I helped deal to myself. I tried. /sigh. He'll get the reloadable card from the grocery store today- and y'all are right- I don't feel 'RESENTFUL' enabling makes you feel resentful, helping feels good. [/QUOTE]
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