Can I Have Your Opinions Please?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Jan 29, 2011.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Yesterday difficult child asked me if he could buy Microsoft points so that he could buy map packs for two of his Xbox games. I asked him how much it would cost and how much money he had. The rule in our house is that if you want to buy something you have to have the money to pay for it, including the tax. After asking husband how muchn it would cost we realized that he was $2.78 short. husband told him that he could not buy them. So, instead of demanding that I advance hom allowance money from next week's allowance, he asked if there were any chores he could do around the house to earn the money. He offered to wash the dishes after dinner on Saturday and Sunday and asked of that would be enough to earn the money.

    husband and I talked about it. husband didn't like the idea because then difficult child is going to think that anytime he wants something and doesn't have the money he's going to think that he will just have to do some extra chores to earn the money. I disagreed with him. I told husband that I thought that it was a mature response on difficult child's part and that he is learning that he can't just get whatever he wants, but has to earn it instead.

    In the end, we told difficult child that he would have to wash the dinner dishes on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and that only after he finished the chore on Sunday night after dinner would he have earned the money he was looking for.

    Do you think I did the right thing?

  2. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Yes, I absolutely do Bunny. If he were short $5 or $6 bucks I would have made him wait and earn the money 1st. My difficult child just purchased some of the point with his christmas money. He still has $5 left of his christmas money and he will hold on to it forever until he saves more up. As long as difficult child holds to his end of the bargain it will be a good lesson in earning money for your hard work.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I don't "know" if you did the right thing. I do know that is exactly what I would have done. Adults who want or need something they can not afford find supplemental income sources to reach their goal. Sure makes sense to me! Hugs DDD
  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Yes! Absolutely! And personally? The way my elbows and forearms feel right now, I think you guys are NUTS! Snow, snow, snow! Dishes? Nooooo biggee - snow removal? Holy crow, I would have bought the maps myself! :faint::rofl:

    Seriously, I really do think it's a good idea to instill the "earning" mentality. I would just let him know that there are going to be guidelines in place. $3.00? No big deal...when he wants to buy a car and he's only short $3,000 - waaaaay different story. Chores are chores...doing the extras that he's capable of doing is worthy of him learning how to perform tasks.

    With a diagnosis of ODD, I think it was phenominal that he worked out a sensible solution rather than digging his heels in and running amok.

    To answer your question? in my humble opinion - Great job!


    PS: By the way, make sure that you discuss how proud you are that he came up with the solution - it'll reinforce the lesson!
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2011
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    The funny thing about what you wrote is that the day the kids had a snow day one of his friends came over to hang out with difficult child and this friend told him that he and his twin brother had earned money helping a neighbor shovel their driveway. All of a sudden he's looking for more snow so that he can help his friends shovel and earn some money!

    Thanks for the support. I thought that what I was doing was the right thing in my heart and I was really proud of him for asking if he could "earn" the money rather than demand that I "give" it to him. That Risperdal seems to be really helping him.

  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I do that all the time.
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Great job!!!

    My mom raised PCs :) but she had a job jar that she would write down any job that needed to be done and how much she would pay for it to be done correctly. If we wanted to earn extra money, we could pull a job from the job jar -- rule was you were only allowed to put one job back, if you pulled a 2nd job that you didn't like, you had to do it anyway before you could pull again. We also had our basic chores that had to be done as part of living in the house and every Saturday we had to do our weekend chores and finish everything in the job jar (no extra pay on Saturday) and our reward was a family outing -- shopping, movie, dinner, etc.
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I think you should be careful what you set up as chores that "earn" money. Dishes have to be done every day as part of living. You don't want to set a precedent where you are supposed to pay him $1 each time he helps with dishes....or sometimes he gets money for dishes and sometimes he doesn't.

    In our house, there are regular chores that have to be done because that is life: dishes, taking out he trash, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning the bedrooms, etc. And then there are big jobs that come up but do not have to be done every day: raking leaves, shoveling snow, washing cars, etc. These are the tasks that we have set up as "money earners".

    So I think it's great that he wants to earn the money - find him one of those "big" jobs to do.
  9. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Bunny I think you and difficult child did great on this. I'd say if he wants to continue to earn extra the three of you sit down together to make a chart of extra chores he can do and how much they're worth (and that he cannot neglect his normal chores for them), that way in the future he'll know ahead of time what he can do and can approach you about wanting to earn it.
  10. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    In the real world if you don't have money for something, you go out and get a job. Him acknowledging that he can work to get money is exactly what we want to teach all our kids. Who cares if that work is at home for Mom and Dad for the time being? It is a good start and a good lesson learned. You want money? You work!

    I am surprised he just doesn't wait until his next allowance date which sounds like it is not that far away?
  11. erbaledge

    erbaledge New Member

    I will add that I also feel you did the right thing. I do this with my kids' - which they utilize once in a while when it's something they really 'need/gotta have' (in their minds). I also keep track of anything they owe, writing it down where they can see also. It's like mini loans, thankfully with no interest. Once they reach closer to the age of 18, I may start tossing in interest, as I'm sure the amount they will want to borrow will increase more - and I want to teach them all about interest/loans - as many people use them in real life.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You did exactly the right thing. Not sure why husband is upset that your son thinks if he wants something he should ask if he can work and earn money for it. His objections don't make sense to me, but it may just be me.

    It was awesome problem solving. He did NOT have a tantrum, whine, or beg or demand. He is willing to do the work and THEN get the money for the item!!! he did NOT askf or $$ now and promise to do the work later!!!!! Those are HUGE and wonderful things for a difficult child esp!!! (Heck, I have friends who would be thrilled if their HUSBANDS did this!!)

    If dishes are not one of his everyday chores, then it is reasonable to pay him to do what is considered one of the "parent's" jobs at this time. This doesn't mean that dishes cannot become his assigned chore at any later date. I know we often set a price for a job based on the difficulty and estimated amount of time to do it properly. If not done properly, we don't pay. If it takes you longer because you goofed off, not our problem.

    It is different for every family, but I think you did exactly right - exactly what I would have done. My major rule for judging this kind of thing is to go with my instincts. If it feels like the right thing, then I go with it.