You certainly have your hands full and then some!! I would definitely say that if your 16 yo son's lips are moving, he is lying.
We went through that with my oldest, Wiz. If he said the sun is shining, I went to the window to check. He would then get angry that I didn't trust him. Then I would ask how I could trust him when he had lied to me about this, that, the other, and ten things besides those in the last three days? I usually could name them all even though I didn't call him out on each and every single tiny lie. I only brought them up when he got all hurt about how we didn't trust him. He couldn't rightly say much when I had the logic on my side. Didn't stop the two year old temper tantrum though.I think he was mostly having tantrums because he couldn't think of a good comeback for my listing of his lies. The idea of not lying to us so we didn't have to have this discussion at all simply never crossed his poor little mind. Teenagers can be idiots, in my opinion.
As for your daughter with High-Functioning Autism (HFA), is that the type that they used to call Aspergers, or something else? It can be a real challenge to work with, but they can learn and grow and lead productive lives. My Wiz was diagnosed with Aspergers, ADHD and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (or CDO as he prefers, because otherwise it is not alphabetical and that really bothers him... can you say seriously Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)??? but he can laugh at himself, finally). There are things that can help your daughter. Some might try to tell you she is on the older end of some interventions. Tell them you want to try anyway, what can it hurt? It won't hurt her.
One of the things that will help greatly is Occupational Therapy for sensory integration disorder. This is part of being on the autism spectrum for almost all people with autism. You have probably noticed your daughter has strong preferences for or against different tastes, sounds, scents, textures, colors, movements, even tight clothing. This is called Sensory Integration Disorder , Sensory Integration Disorder (SID). Occupational Therapy is what you do to help it. One therapy is called brushing therapy. A soft surgical scrub brush is used over the body in a certain pattern followed by gentle joint compression. This MUST be taught by an Occupational Therapist!!! If you do this wrong you can cause serious problems for the person. It is very easy to do correctly, and quick to do. I know my kids found it enjoyable and relaxing.
What brushing therapy does for your child is to create new pathways in the brain for sensory input to travel along. Yes, that is correct. Brushing the skin with a surgical scrub brush followed by gentle joint compressions, all done correctly, will rewire your child's brain without the use of any medication. The only time you would see side effects would be if you brushed the wrong part of the body, a part you were not instructed to brush. That is it. If you stick to the areas you were trained to brush, there are no nasty medication side effects to worry about. Brushing can even be done over clothing if your child prefers the feel of it or you are in public and it is easier to not take something off. Such as being out for a day at the park and your child has on jeans and a long sleeve shirt and therapy still has to happen. You just stop for 2-3 minutes, brush over the clothes, do the joint compressions, put the brush up, and go. You can do that anywhere.
The other thing the Occupational Therapist recommended was a sensory diet. Just like a nutritional diet should have variety, a sensory diet should offer a variety of types of sensory input. Different sights, sounds, smells, tastes, textures, pressures, even body positions and movements. For some kids, part of their diet includes swinging on a swing as hard as they can. My youngest used to sit upside down on our couch to read or watch tv. He would literally sit on his head with his legs folded so he wasn't kicking anyone else in the face. I just figured he was a kid and kids do odd things. Turns out he needed the sensory input of the pressure on his head and neck.
Sensory diets are the most fun part of occupational therapy for parents. The items your child needs in his sensory diet are the things she is drawn to, the things she ask for. They are not the things you have to make her do. It isn't another appointment you have to drag her to do. Sensory diet activities are things you can do at home, often on the cheap, maybe even together (sometimes not, but you might get lucky even though she is a teenager!). You will be able to say yes to a lot of sensory activities that she asks for because it is therapy. It is "medically necessary" to help her brain. It actually is. The more you do sensory diet activities, and she has sensory breaks when she gets upset, and she has sensory items with her at school that she can use or go to during class, the better her school performance should be. If the school manages it correctly. We can help you get the school to manage things correctly as issues come up.
To learn more about Sensory Integration Disorder, read The Out of Sync Child by Kranowitz. It is a great in depth view of the disorder and how to treat it. Most libraries have it or can get it on inter-library loan. For truly fun ideas for a sensory diet, read The Out of Sync Child Has Fun by Kranowitz. This truly is a fun book. My family went through several copies of this book, yes of the same book. It had hard lives because every kid in the neighborhood somehow knew every time I got that book out. They all showed up in my backyard asking if they could join in. How do you say "no, you can't come play with us" to kids. Or the parents who showed up to see why there were 20+ kids in my yard. I did learn to plan to have a horde show up if we were doing something, or to send the kids home for supplies if we needed stuff. The repeat purchases of the same book were worth every penny for the fun of seeing all of those people having fun on the spur of the moment. One wonderful thing about this book is each activity has ideas for ways to make the activity less expensive. You don't go into occupational therapy to get a high salary. It is not a well paid profession. They have to stretch every penny and Kranowitz passed on tips that worked for her to help make activities less expensive.
I hope some of this helps. I know it is hard dealing with 2 difficult kids. I hope your daughter is not as difficult as your son is.
