can some one please help me!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mom23gsfg, Dec 20, 2007.

  1. mom23gsfg

    mom23gsfg New Member

    can someone please help me ?i just dont know what to do.i have a soon to be 15 yr old son.first off they were classifing him with adhd.the other night he threw another one of his anger fits and took off on hisfourwheeler and we couldnt find we had to call the police to help find him.this is not the first time i have had to call them because of his anger.his 16 yr old sister has called them on him also,fo punching her in the face 5 x's and trying to hit her with a cane.i almost got hit with it tring to take it away. he is cruel to his 8 yr old sister and has kicked her in the back with steel toed boots and etc.and this is what types of things i have been tring to deal with ,i cant even take a bath unless hes not here!personally i think alot of it comes from his real dad who was abusive towards me in his presence when he was young and his so called dad would call him stupid and thats when all the trouble began he even started doing bad in school and now he is at a 4th grade reading level ,i think he refuses to try because where his dad would say those things. but now where i called ...the police gave me a choice of either sending him to juvi or calling a crisis worker that has now admitted him to a mental facility against my wishes .(i fear it will make him worse.)and now they are tring to tell me he is borderline m.r.
    and has oppoisitional defiant disorder, and a mood disorder i can understand the mood disorder and the defiant disorder but why after all these years are they telling me he is borderline mr?this child could do things earlier than both his sisters and now he wont even try to do his work and when he will it is at a lower level where he is so behind.they tried him on trileptal and for the first time in years he hugged me for no reason and didnt seem so angry,but when they upped the medications he got sick to his stomache and got dizzy and they said they couldnt lower it (he hasnt been eating since being there until i bring him something (every day)and the doctor refuses to believe this would cause the medications to make him sick (which myself if i dont eat when i take medications it makes me deathly sick)and now want to try him on depakote and the facilty he is at where he was involuntarly commited my hands are tied.i cannot get him home after they told me he would be home this friday and now its almost christmas! i know my son needs help i just think they are over medicating him .i am on the same medicine depakote and i take 500 mg a day ,and they have got him taking 600 mg twice daily.he looks like he is doped up to me .i have no one or no where to turn.
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! I couldn't read most of you post (I'm running out the door - difficult child 1 had a trip to an ice skating rink and is soaking wet!).

    Quick questions: has he had a neuropsychologist done? This is intensive testing that pinpoints what his problems are.

    did he have issues with itchy tags, certain materials? Fleeting eye contact with strangers? Really knowledgeable on one particular subject (most of these questions are geered toward his behavior as a 3,4,5 year old) almost to being obsessed with something, did he line up his toys? etc.

    Try to break things up into paragraphs (I know, when you're upset, you type fast & furiously!! :smile: )

    Any substance abuse/mental illness in the family tree?

    I'll check back when I get back from picking him up (he's like 45 mins. away, each way!).

    You found a great crowd, more will come along!

  3. mom23gsfg

    mom23gsfg New Member

    he is schuduled to have some nerogical testing done but they keep putting it not sure what neuropsychologist is...they have ran thousands of questionaires at me and him diagnose him if thats what u mean

    the only thing i think of that ever bugged him and still does ....he has this habit of running his fingernails over his tongue after hes had his nails trimmed

    also when he was young he was a neat freak,to the extint that if he got something on him or his clothes it would drive him crazy
    even when he was real little he was obsessed with wipng his mouth after every bite of i can hardly get him to take a bath

    and he does have a problem with not wanting to look people in the eye like hes afraid to

    also i suffer from bipolar disorder and so does alot of my family members (like my mom and uncle)i also have another uncle that is schitzophrania
    his real father is an alcholic ,as was his dad (granddad)
    and alchohol and drug abuse has run in my family for generations in the men
  4. FinallySeekingPeace

    FinallySeekingPeace New Member

    Hi.. I'm new here to the board too. I wanted to offer you a hug. This has to be a very difficult time for you all. I'm sure he doesn't want to be the way he is, if he even understands that he is doing something wrong.

    Our past has an abusive father in it too.. very horrible and I honestly think it is part of the root of all evil in our lives. I'm also really thinking that there are some genetic things with my difficult child, things that were undiagonsed in his bio father.
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Jessica, welcome! I can feel your heart breaking.

    The important thing is that your son is getting help. It may not be the way you wanted it to happen, but it is happening. It will be OK. Is his regular psychiatrist in the picture with this facility?
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Jessica.. just wanted to add my welcome from a fellow Virginian. Not sure where in VA you are, but I am in the central area and have had experience with literally every child/adolescent psychiatric unit in the Richmond/Petersburg area (not that there are many beds for kids, don't get me started on that!). I know this is a scary time for you ... but there are lots of us here who have had to have our kids hospitalized at one time or another so ask away with questions etc.

    With the history of mental illnness in your family it sounds like he defintiely needs a thorough evaluation, and a hospital is sometimes the best place to do that when they're so unstable.

    Many hugs to you.
  7. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    Welcome. I'm kind of new here myself and its a great place for support.

    One reason why he could be borderline mr is that when their stability deteriorates, their IQ does too. My daughter was reading and spelling way beyond grade level when she was younger but as time went by, she evened out and then fell behind. She's gone from low average to low borderline in 5 yrs. She's also become quite physically aggressive with me and is now threatening her younger brothers and sister. We've had her hospitalized about 4 times in the last year. I'm guessing they don't think he's stable enough to come home if they're still keeping him and maybe wanting to do a lot more testing to see whats going on with him.
    I know you are frustrated and I know its very hard to have him in there and to feel that they aren't working with you very well. Hang in there!!
  8. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Right now your son is a danger to your entire household. He is in a safe place that is trying to help him. I suggest that until he is truly stable you refuse to allow him to come home.

    Hopefully, they will get some real answers and some real medications to help him.

    I am sorry you are going through this. Given the previous abuse he suffered and the genetic pool, he could have a lot of issues that need treatment -- both chemical and therapeutic. Good luck!
  9. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I wanted to welcome you also... this is a truly wonderful place! I would not worry about the intelligence diagnosis, you never know. It depends on when, where and how they tested him. The medications can affect him, some can cause cognitive dulling. My daughter has dropped in her IQ because of some of the medications she is on!!! It also depends on the environment, if he is stressed, nervous, angry, upset!!! He will not do well nor want to.
    Just worry about him getting stable right now. He needs you to be OK and he needs to become stable... then worry about the other stuff.

    Sending you hugs...
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, Jessica. Welcome!
    I think it's great that he's getting help. Juvy does nothing for kids or adults (jail) who are mentally or neurologically ill. I think he's in a better place. I also give you kudos for what sounds like a neuropsychologist exam. They are far better than other exams to try to figure out what's wrong. I wouldn't worry about his IQ right now, more about getting him stable. He is what he is, IQ-wise and he can't help that, however he can be GREATLY helped if he has some sort of mental or neurological disorder.
    Have you thought about him possibly using recreational drugs? At his age that can be a problem too, a BIG one. Has he always been this way? Did he get worse suddenly as a teen? Did they drug test him in the hospital???
    Depakote caused my daughter to have cognitive dulling. She looked drugged and slept a lot and was very lethargic until she refused to take the medications anymore because "I can't think, they make me stupid." That may be why he isn't able to learn right now--it was not a good medication for my daughter.
  11. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Hi Jessica. Welcome to the board.

    Deep breaths, sweetie.

    OK, I echo most of the prior posters (especially the last 3). he is in the best, safest place he can be. Do not worry about a label right now. And yes, do consider the possibility that he was using street drugs. It is possible.

    Most importantly, you found a soft place to land, and we are all here for you. We may not have all the answers, but we do what we can to help eachother get through the tough times.

    Gentle hugs. Hang in there, and come back to post often.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Adding in my welcome. So glad you found us. I'm sorry your son is struggling right now. I hope he will receive the help he needs. It's important at this time you take good care of you. I know that is easier said than done. Many gentle hugs to you.
  13. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Welcome. It can be hard to have a child in the hospital or an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but when it is the best place for them we have to do it. You need to be safe and so does the rest of your family. Gentle hugs.

  14. saman

    saman New Member

    No experience here with an older child, but I wanted to offer up some hugs and a welcome as well.
  15. mom23gsfg

    mom23gsfg New Member

    thanks for all ur replies.
    as for questins you've asked:
    his regular doctor still thinks he is adhd
    they just started the depakote ,they tried trileptal but it made him unable to sleep,dizzy,and sick to his stomache when they upped the dosage (was doing fine with it until then even gave me a hug for no reason which he hasn't done that in qiute a while. and was smiling for the first time in a long time.the doctor said she couldnt lower the dosage because he needed to have a certain amount in his blood stream ( i do not understand this because my doctor lowered my medications when it was too much for me)
    however he refuses to eat their food and i know when i take my medications on an empty stomache i get lightheaded and sick but she refuses to beleive this
    also they let them sleep alot during the day i think that is why hes not sleeping at night
    another thing is i wonder if he's just telling them this to keep from taking his medications (he tells me even tylonol hurts his stomache to keep from taking it,refuses in even taking antibiotics)
    the funny part is that noone will listen to is i sometimes beleive where his bio dad told him he was stupid so much when he was young is alot of the reason he refuses to learn and i have caught him doing things he says he cant do (like reading big words that i cant even say and etc. when he thinks noone is looking
    also ,his teacher says when praised he does good and when he gets something wrong he starts to act up and so on
    also,sometimes i think he suffers from terrette's syndrom because sometimes he will look like he is in a daze and will make funny faces and make strange noises (his 2nd grade teacher is the one that called my attention to this)and he doesnt even relize he is doing it
    and yes he is very fidgety and cannot sit still
    the problem im having is noone will listen to me,they look at me like i don't know what im talking about
    i really believe if they would just put him on zoloft or paxil instead of depakote he would be fine(my daughter was)he just needs something to help him to control his anger and i dont believe depakote is going to do this
    also does anyone know if his reg doctor could go and see him?she is the only doctor i truelly trust
  16. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Re: can regular doctor visit? Ask regular doctor. If she has priveledges, she might be able to get in. I don't know the rules.

    Sending hugs for support!

  17. mom23gsfg

    mom23gsfg New Member

    thankyou!thankyou!where im under so much stress i never thought about hte fact that maybe his regular doctor could go see him,im calling her soon as the office opens!