I am currently re-reading "Boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud and it means even more to me now than it did when I read it the first time. It's an amazing book. Although it is religious/Christian, even if you have another religion or are an atheist, the common sense in this book blows any other book I've read out of the water. Now I want to talk about that word...that four letter word disguised as two letters...."NO!" How hard is it for you to say NO? Do you actually say NO or just do the actions that say NO? I have had a hard time saying no all of my life because of fear of rejection by the person I am saying "no" to and also to keep the peace (as in difficult child will have a hurricane adult sized tantrum in my house if I say NO and I'm afraid of his verbal slapdowns). This is the first time I can remember contemplating that word so strongly. In "Boundaries" it tells you never to tell anyone else how to behave, and I agree with this, however I did it many times and recently with my sister. "Please, it scares me when you are with K. so, for my own mental health, I am making a decision not to let you talk about him to me again." That IS controlling. I think, if I ever hear from her again, the only thing I am going to say is....nothing. If she starts to talk about K., the book suggests getting off the phone because "I just remembered I h ave to run to the store" or anything else. Because telling somebody else what to do is wrong, even if we think what they are doing is wrong and even if they are breaking the law. However, we can choose to only get close to those who live a clean, sober life and are kind to us. This totally changed how I decided to deal with Sis and anyone else. That will be my way of saying "no." So, for any of you who are interested in a discussion, how do YOU say no? Are you afraid of that word, especially regarding strong personalities or loved ones because you feel they will reject you? If you are afraid to say "no" to anyone, especially your difficult child, why is it? Now I DON'T think anyone should say no to somebody dangerous unless you have your cell phone in your hand and the 91 already pressed for 911. Or maybe it's better to deal with dangerous difficult children over the phone. What do YOU think about saying NO? Who has read "Boundaries?" What did you think of it?