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Can we now talk about boundaries in relation to the word "NO?"
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 627607" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>COM (and everyone), I think I was controlling, although I didn't realize it (honest). And there is no way I could have said "Let's not talk about K. right now. I'd like to talk about...."</p><p></p><p>I laugh thinking about it. You do not know my sister. She would have cut me right off and said, "You HAVE to let me talk about him. He's a BIG PART OF MY LIFE." In fact, she DID say that several times as I gently tried to tell her I was easing her out of using me as her confidant about K. If I had changed the subject, I know her well enough to know she'd say, "Oh, so we can only talk about what YOU want to talk about." *click/cuf off for a few months"</p><p></p><p>So I'm not sure anything will help. How does this sound, just in case? I think it's good to have a ready response before the event, if it is predictable.</p><p></p><p>Me: "Oh, let's talk about something else right now. How's the weather been in Chicago?"</p><p></p><p>Her: Stop trying to control what I talk about! You have to let me talk about K. because HE's AN IMPORTANAT PART OF MY LIFE."</p><p></p><p>Response One: Ok. (Then I listen, but do not respond because I can't stop her from talking about his abuse, but I don't really have anything to say to her about it that I haven't said a million times before. Eventually I can say Jumper is home so I have to go.)</p><p></p><p>Response Two: "I'm not going to talk about him." That way she knows she can talk all she wants, but I'm not.</p><p></p><p>Response Three: This is where your response comes in. I don't think either of my responses are very good. If I did exactly what I wanted to do, I would hang up on her myself. This man is soooooooooooo tiresome and does such strange things and, according to her, is so abusive that I'm sick to death of him and I want to break up with him, even if she won't...lol. But I'm not going to do the hanging up. That worked well with 36, as I knew it would. I know, sure as I'm sitting here typing, that it will do nothing but fuel Sis's anger and cause me days of guilt, sadness and regret.</p><p></p><p>How do you say NO in a situation like this? Or to somebody who will not accept no? Is it mean to go no contact? I don't want to be mean.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 627607, member: 1550"] COM (and everyone), I think I was controlling, although I didn't realize it (honest). And there is no way I could have said "Let's not talk about K. right now. I'd like to talk about...." I laugh thinking about it. You do not know my sister. She would have cut me right off and said, "You HAVE to let me talk about him. He's a BIG PART OF MY LIFE." In fact, she DID say that several times as I gently tried to tell her I was easing her out of using me as her confidant about K. If I had changed the subject, I know her well enough to know she'd say, "Oh, so we can only talk about what YOU want to talk about." *click/cuf off for a few months" So I'm not sure anything will help. How does this sound, just in case? I think it's good to have a ready response before the event, if it is predictable. Me: "Oh, let's talk about something else right now. How's the weather been in Chicago?" Her: Stop trying to control what I talk about! You have to let me talk about K. because HE's AN IMPORTANAT PART OF MY LIFE." Response One: Ok. (Then I listen, but do not respond because I can't stop her from talking about his abuse, but I don't really have anything to say to her about it that I haven't said a million times before. Eventually I can say Jumper is home so I have to go.) Response Two: "I'm not going to talk about him." That way she knows she can talk all she wants, but I'm not. Response Three: This is where your response comes in. I don't think either of my responses are very good. If I did exactly what I wanted to do, I would hang up on her myself. This man is soooooooooooo tiresome and does such strange things and, according to her, is so abusive that I'm sick to death of him and I want to break up with him, even if she won't...lol. But I'm not going to do the hanging up. That worked well with 36, as I knew it would. I know, sure as I'm sitting here typing, that it will do nothing but fuel Sis's anger and cause me days of guilt, sadness and regret. How do you say NO in a situation like this? Or to somebody who will not accept no? Is it mean to go no contact? I don't want to be mean. [/QUOTE]
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Can we now talk about boundaries in relation to the word "NO?"
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