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Parent Emeritus
Can we talk about what boundaries really mean?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 627011" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>MWM, I think everyone has given you stellar advice. My heart goes out to you, you are trying so hard to see her point of view and do the right thing, you are most endearing MWM.</p><p></p><p>My first thought is that your sister is a difficult child. difficult child's often see our boundaries as control. And, they often go for the underbelly in attack mode when they don't like something. </p><p></p><p>My feelings, and as you always say, '<em>disclaimer'</em>, this is only my opinion............when I set a boundary with a healthy person whom I am in relationship with, it is simply respected. I expect it to be and it is. When someone sets a boundary with me, I listen and respect it, end of story. If I love someone, I trust that they are taking care of themselves and whatever boundary they want is what I will comply with. I think that is a healthy connection. When one sets a boundary with a difficult child, all hell breaks loose. It seems they are not really interested in your boundaries, only in whatever it is they want. Your sister sounds like a difficult child. To me, your request seems like a normal, healthy request. Your sisters response, to me, seems very gfgish and selfish and in fact, mean spirited. I don't know your history, that would play a part in it in the present, however, whatever the history is doesn't give another the right to blame, manipulate and be mean.</p><p></p><p>My read on it is that your sister was projecting onto you her own control issues. And, she sounds like a bully. Perhaps, as we speak about here, limiting your exposure to your sister may be what it takes for you to increase your peace rather then decrease it with the stress of being in the "energy field" of a difficult child. </p><p></p><p>I'm the only one who can decide what boundaries I want around me. Like a fence. <strong><u>I</u></strong> put it up and <strong><u>I</u></strong> allow who gets through.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 627011, member: 13542"] MWM, I think everyone has given you stellar advice. My heart goes out to you, you are trying so hard to see her point of view and do the right thing, you are most endearing MWM. My first thought is that your sister is a difficult child. difficult child's often see our boundaries as control. And, they often go for the underbelly in attack mode when they don't like something. My feelings, and as you always say, '[I]disclaimer'[/I], this is only my opinion............when I set a boundary with a healthy person whom I am in relationship with, it is simply respected. I expect it to be and it is. When someone sets a boundary with me, I listen and respect it, end of story. If I love someone, I trust that they are taking care of themselves and whatever boundary they want is what I will comply with. I think that is a healthy connection. When one sets a boundary with a difficult child, all hell breaks loose. It seems they are not really interested in your boundaries, only in whatever it is they want. Your sister sounds like a difficult child. To me, your request seems like a normal, healthy request. Your sisters response, to me, seems very gfgish and selfish and in fact, mean spirited. I don't know your history, that would play a part in it in the present, however, whatever the history is doesn't give another the right to blame, manipulate and be mean. My read on it is that your sister was projecting onto you her own control issues. And, she sounds like a bully. Perhaps, as we speak about here, limiting your exposure to your sister may be what it takes for you to increase your peace rather then decrease it with the stress of being in the "energy field" of a difficult child. I'm the only one who can decide what boundaries I want around me. Like a fence. [B][U]I[/U][/B] put it up and [B][U]I[/U][/B] allow who gets through. [/QUOTE]
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Can we talk about what boundaries really mean?
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