I don't know if you understand the Aussie term "battler", but it refers to someone who is good-hearted but just can't seem to win out despite their efforts. And yet they keep trying. However, often they just don't have the information they need to fight battles more appropriately, or they don't feel equipped enough.
I've helped in similar cases here, where a child was refused support funding by our education disability people, and the mother was ready to accept this decision, simply because the decision had been made by the people who were supposed to know what was right, and what the needs were. "They're the experts, they know if my son qualifies or not," the mother explained. "But I can't help wondering - is it possible they made a mistake? I'd like to ask them this, but I don't want to offend them. After all, I'm just a housewife. I don't know anything."
She was horrified when I told her that a lot of similar cases are often refused automatically, just to see who will challenge it and who will accept it. Because if more people accept the ruling without challenge, the department saves money. And effort. Once I explained that it was almost expected that people would appeal and nobody would be offended at her exercising her rights, she was fired up.
I helped her draft a letter to the department and her son was given his support funding, at a high level.
MWM, maybe in this case you could sit with the family and help them draft a letter of appeal to the school (or local education authorities). But you need to be sure that they will have the strength and courage to follow through. If they only do what you suggest, while you are there suggesting it, then she could be worse off than if you had never intervened. Sometimes if you begin an appeal process you HAVE to follow through with it all the way, or you will lose any advantage you stand to gain. For example, I met a person who said they desperately needed to be involved with the Special Education class I was working towards. The mother begged me to pull every string I could, to get them on the list. So I did - I pulled in a number of favours, I worked really hard; and then when it came down to the mother having to fill in the application forms, she "never got around to it". Couldn't be bothered. And of course, by then was 'justifying' her apathy by saying she hadn't really wanted it after all, that I had pushed her into it (I hadn't) or that she had changed her mind. I always take clear notes in these situations, I went back and checked my notes - "I am desperate, I will do anything to get this for my child, it is what I have longed for for years" seemed highly specific to me. She had pushed me to commit myself, before she had demonstrated her own commitment. In reality - she (the mother) was an attention-seeker, someone who gets off on having other people run around after her. So do be careful - it doesn't matter how genuine the child's need is, you need to require the family to make some degree of commitment to the appeal process so you don't get left with egg on your face.
What I'm saying here - some people are genuine battlers. And some are users.
It doesn't matter which they are in this case, it sounds to me tat the school have done the wrong thing. But YOU can't appeal on behalf of the child, it has to be the parents. And they must follow through on the WHOLE process. Yes, they can use help, but they have to know to ask for it and they also have to know to KEEP GOING and not get tired and give up because it's too challenging.
The mother's possible substance abuse - a lot of people are not emotionally strong. Having a difficult child could have driven her to it. Not that it's an excuse, but sometimes it can be a factor.
The child could be having the problems she is having, because of various factors in her basic make-up, or a complicating factor could be lack of access to decent services. Mentally put your child with a family that doesn't know what to do and doesn't understand. What would your child be like in such a different placement? Then consider - how would you have felt if someone came to you and said, "YOu can do even better for your child, you can do this, you can do that - all you have to do is wrote to the school and tell them that they have done the wrong thing." What if you have grown up knowing you never finished your schooling, knowing that you hated school anyway and for you it was a terrible place that did a lot of damage to you emotionally, that in your opinion school is a waste of time anyway for a kid who just can't learn - would you bother appealing? Or would you have the courage to appeal and keep on coping with the incomprehensible replies from the school, written in jargon?
I'm not telling you to not help. I AM telling you to go in carefully and make sure they are FULLY informed as to their rights and their daughter's rights. Explain the alternatives for her, both now and later on. Ask them what they expect for her and want for her. Find out what they are already doing for her. Then get a clear statement from them on what they want to do (after you've informed them).
If you draft a letter, base it on what they want, try to couch it in simple terms and do it while sitting with them so they have input. They MUST feel they 'own' that letter. Get them to sign it, get them to post it. If you suspect they might chicken out and not post it - then it's better that the letter not be sent.
Walking away, when you realise you have no alternative, is painful. Walking away when you have no alternative but you've already wasted a lot of your time and resources that could have been better spent elsewhere on someone who was able to benefit - even more frustrating.
Good luck with this one. I support whatever decision you make on this.
Marg
