Hi there. Sorry you have to be here. It's brutal. We have to take care of ourselves first....I learned the hard way.
My daughter has never had a totally sober day since 12 years old when she started smoking weed. Her SO also heavily smoles weed every day too. My daughter thinks weed is so healthy that she deliberately smoked even more while she was
Pregnant. Sick, I know. She thought it would give her a smarter, healthier child.
My daughter used to take speed, cocaine, you name it. She is in another state now and claims she only smokes weed. She might be telling the truth, but she could be lying. So may your son. Addicts are great liars. I take everything she claims as a lie. I caught her in so many. Especially about drug use.
If Kay is only smoking weed it isn't healthy for her at all.She has changed in horrible ways and won't speak to us. She lives in a motorhome with her awful SO across the country. They often fight physically. Her son, our grand, now lives with my normal daughter, thankfully. Kay lives on state benefits.
I never let Kay back after i found her having she threw a glass vase at my son and he just missed glass going into his eye.But we bought her a house so she wouldn't be homeless. That didn't work so we bought her many other things and cleaned out half our retirement. Kay won't work. Her husband gets low wage pizza place jobs. eye. They get Disability, food share.and Medicaid. We are done. We closed The Bank of Dad and Mom.
Kay also told us we had to support her. We did for ten years. What a waste. Nothing we did for her helped. She is not a nice person either. She seems to have only wanted our money and for us to pay for lawyers when necessary
We enabled her so much!
I am in a Zoom Nar Anon group now and this saved my marriage and maybe my life. No more getting involved in Kay's stuff. I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner. I have a husband (her father) and other kids who suffered because of my trying to help Kay. Nobody but Kay got attention. I had to apologize to my nice kids. Nobody speaks to Kay and she likes it that way, so I hear from a few cousins whom she didn't block from her social media.
I recommend a Nar Anon Zoom meeting. You can look them up online. We have a great Thursday night group. Doesn't matter where you live. Even out of country. On Zoom you can live in CA and still attend an online meeting in a NY based group if the time is best for you. We have folks from all over in our Midwest group. Doesn't matter.
My opinion is to find a Nar Anon group and/or learn to take care of your needs first and dont try to fix your son. You cant. Helping often makes things worse. The addicted child has to want help and get it well his own. There is no other way.
Prayers and love.
Prayers and love