Can't believe what im hearing!!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JandY, Oct 15, 2008.

  1. JandY

    JandY New Member

    Hi everybody just thought i would try to get some help here. My fiance and i have been visiting your website for a couple of months now but have never posted until now. Well she has two difficult child boys difficult child 1 11 and difficult child 2 12 (they have been in my life for about three and a half years, oldest knows his father meet him a couple of times in his life and younger has no idea who his father is both men dont acknowledge their sons exist) both currently diagnosed adhd, odd, impulse disorder not specified and the younger is being treated for bi-polar and depressing but psychiatrist reluctant to label it as such. also at various stages since they where young been diagnosed suicidal, depression, ptsd and taken every medicine under the sun. oldest has been hospitalized at least 8 times and younger on so far 5 times both inpatient and outpatient facilities. Oldest has threatened to kill everyone while they sleep and was actually caught twice with knives on top of mom and young brother(separate occasions lead to hospitalization). Currently youngest is in special school/outpatient facility and older has started mainstream classes as he was in Behavior /special education classes for most of his life. Older difficult child is currently on abilify 10mg once a day and clonidine .1 mg every night. Both have trouble from time to time it goes in waves but currently we are on the top of the wave with our oldest. For the past month and a half since he has been in regular classes, we have had trouble with him almost on a daily basis. he has managed to get suspended from classe 2 time once for 2 days and the other for 4 days all becuase of fights, and at home of course he has a really bad attitude towards everything and everyone, so today was his appointment with psychiatrist and I cant believe what im hearing :faint: he took him off his medication and went so far as to tell him that he no longer needed to take them.:surprise: I dont know what to say or do and neither does mom. we objected to this and he proceed to say that it was moms fault for being to harsh on him (refering to fact that difficult child 2 says he got into the fights and has been answering back and not obeying so he got punished at home lost privilege to go outside with friends except when he has counseling shift and he only recieved one hour of tv time and two hours of computer time) REALLY!!! are you serious? to harsh you say well i guess in difficult child 2's mind we should have just taking away his privilege to take a shower (being sarcastic but in reality he probably would say that) Well his therapist says she is shocked but she says that maybe he was trying to trick him (reverse psychology i guess) but it was pretty clear that was not his idea. Well right now we are trying to find out who to complain to. we have let his school and daycare know and they want letters from the psychiatrist saying that as well, we are all concerned this is a child who has not only threatened to hurt himself and others but has gone through with it, we are (and i cant put this in any other terms) but we are trying to cover our A@# before something really bad happens, i dont understand what his psychiatrist is thinking, and i really feel that until he is the headline on tommorrows paper; it's ok not to take his medications help i dont know what else to do any suggestions.
  2. SaraT

    SaraT New Member

    I would say that if you are concerned, get a second opinion before taking him off the medicine. If he has been hospitalizied, maybe ask the person who dealt with his medications there.

    Some things to think about, Has the medicine been helping? Has his behavior gotten better or worse? Do you trust this doctor? Is this doctor new to his case?

    Regardless, if you do not agree with this doctor, then you as a parent have the final decision and can change doctors at any time, and leave him on his medications until you find a doctor you are confident in and trust.

    I am sorry you are having such a hard time.

    Gentle hugs and warrior shield coming to you and fiance.:warrior:
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome.
    First of all it would help us help you if you do a signature like I have done below. I have some questions for you that will also help us help you. By the way, the psychiatrist sounds nuts. It isn't good medicine to just yank any child off of medications. Unless they are only taking stimulants, medications need weaning or they can cause a lot of horrible behaviors that the kids can't help. No, this is not your faults!!! Grrrrrrrrrrr.

    1/Who has diagnosed him? Has either child ever seen a neuropsychologist? This is a more intensive type of evaluation than just a psychiatric observation. Sadly, our experience with hospitals was not always helpful and it seems like yours weren't either.

    2/The mother will probably need to answer this, but this is important. Did either child have any early developmental problems: speech delays, potty delays, sensory issues, trouble transitioning, trouble socializing with same age peers, poor eye contact with strangers, poor fine or gross motor skills? On the other hand, was either child very verbal very young and does either speak like a "Little Professor?" Do they have friends and socialize appropriately? Can they have give-and-take conversations or do they monologue at people? Any obsessions?

    2/Are there ANY psychiatric (especially mood disorders) or substance abuse on either side of the family tree including the biological fathers. These disorders are very often hereditary and can be passed along whether or not the man has any part of the child's life. The information can help a lot in getting a correct diagnosis.

    3/Have these kids been on stimulants or anti-depressants? If so, do they get even more violent and hyper? Often these drugs, rather than making kids better actually make them worse. You really have to be careful.

    4/How do these kids perform at school? Do they ever seem "out of it?" Do they seem clueless about what is going on around them? Do they seem to understand right from wrong?

    You are brave to be involved in this situation and it is good of you to care. If you and your fiance could answer these questions for us, we can give you our best shot at our experiences.
  4. JandY

    JandY New Member

    Hi and thanks for the support

    1. both have had NeuroPysh done as recent as 6 months ago they where ordered by the childrens pysch ward where they both got admitted. nothing out of the ordinary brain scans all normal.

    2. they didnt have any developmental problems however mom did relinquish custody to her mother and sisters, this was a very emotional time for her so she left. When she got custody of her children again 5 years ago she found allegations that the children may have been abused sexually, and definitely verbally, physically and mentally by sisters boyfriends and sister herself, unfortunatly there is no proof so nothing can be done about unless the kids say something but they are unable to :(. they socialize very well outside of the house even in the house they are perfect gentleman, although the older one has issues with conflict never his fault or people are just lying about what he does to get him in trouble. Also both like to be the "third parent" in our house and difficult child 2 acts as if though he is a 25y old stuck in a 12 y olds body so this adds to the equal as a parent conflicts we have with him.

    3. we have looked at the hereditary aspect although nothing stands out in anybody.

    4. difficult child 2 and difficult child 1 where on several but we took them off for the same reason, difficult child 2 became suicidal and was seeing things and having conversations by himself. difficult child 1 as well but he became violent its sad but the police know are family well because of the meltdowns they have. currently their rooms have nothing but a mattress on the floor and a few pair of pants in closet, no doors toys nothing unfortunately they have all become weapons, the walls have holes in them the doors that where in the room have holes in them as well and all knives in our house have been locked away in a safe with combination.

    5. kids are doing well in school difficult child 1 is in a special school because his regular school did not want him back as he was to violent when kids would pick on him. Currently he is doing well there. half his day is in school the other half has him with counselors. difficult child 2 was in a behavior class but he was mainstreamed this year so far he is in the middle with grades and he as been in detention almost everyday and has been suspended 2 so far. difficult child 2 likes to say he does know the difference he just chooses to whatever was wrong and it is scary because he is never sorry for anything he does. he says that we should be careful when we go to sleep at night.