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Can't give an inch...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 642065" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I SO understand how you fee Lil. Geez, I'm sorry. This is so darn hard. I think we all feel what you're feeling in varying degrees, it's kind of a normal response to all of it.</p><p></p><p>You know what? I think you're just not going to understand it. Not like you understand any other normal kind of behavior. My kid is 42 and I don't understand any of it. I have a logical, practical mind like you seem to have and the kind of behavior our kids exhibit does not fit into logic or practicality. It just doesn't. So, for me, I had to let go of understanding. </p><p></p><p>It takes time, I've been at this a whole lot longer then you have. In the beginning I was pulling my hair out too. It takes a long time to learn how to deal with this kind of stuff.</p><p></p><p>For me, I had to lower any expectations I had, or in fact, give them up. They were just not going to be met. It was the expectations that kept me continually disappointed and angry. My daughter lives in another universe, my expectations didn't matter in the least. So, rather then continually suffer, I learned to let them go. </p><p></p><p>Acceptance of this whole trip is an amazing, devastating, intense bazaar and challenging experience, it takes us a long time to get to accepting what is. Sometimes our kids wake up and this is all something that slips in to the past. I hope that is the case for you. If it isn't, the only recourse we have is to let go. And, letting go is the hardest thing any of us will ever do. </p><p></p><p>No one here will ever judge you as whining, we have all been at this way too long and know how much this hurts and how hard it is. Vent away. Rail at how unfair it is, because it is. At some point all of that will lesson and right or wrong, this will become your new "normal" and you will simply adapt to it. It WILL get easier. I promise. Just do what you're doing, you really are doing a terrific job..............put one foot in front of the other...............and one day, you'll marvel at the fact that you are actually okay. And your son may be in exactly the same spot. (I hope not, but he may be) </p><p></p><p>Your son is young, he may snap out of it. But in the meantime, do your level best to let go of your expectations of "normal" and try to let go of understanding.............it'll make your days a whole lot easier. </p><p></p><p>Many many hugs...............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 642065, member: 13542"] I SO understand how you fee Lil. Geez, I'm sorry. This is so darn hard. I think we all feel what you're feeling in varying degrees, it's kind of a normal response to all of it. You know what? I think you're just not going to understand it. Not like you understand any other normal kind of behavior. My kid is 42 and I don't understand any of it. I have a logical, practical mind like you seem to have and the kind of behavior our kids exhibit does not fit into logic or practicality. It just doesn't. So, for me, I had to let go of understanding. It takes time, I've been at this a whole lot longer then you have. In the beginning I was pulling my hair out too. It takes a long time to learn how to deal with this kind of stuff. For me, I had to lower any expectations I had, or in fact, give them up. They were just not going to be met. It was the expectations that kept me continually disappointed and angry. My daughter lives in another universe, my expectations didn't matter in the least. So, rather then continually suffer, I learned to let them go. Acceptance of this whole trip is an amazing, devastating, intense bazaar and challenging experience, it takes us a long time to get to accepting what is. Sometimes our kids wake up and this is all something that slips in to the past. I hope that is the case for you. If it isn't, the only recourse we have is to let go. And, letting go is the hardest thing any of us will ever do. No one here will ever judge you as whining, we have all been at this way too long and know how much this hurts and how hard it is. Vent away. Rail at how unfair it is, because it is. At some point all of that will lesson and right or wrong, this will become your new "normal" and you will simply adapt to it. It WILL get easier. I promise. Just do what you're doing, you really are doing a terrific job..............put one foot in front of the other...............and one day, you'll marvel at the fact that you are actually okay. And your son may be in exactly the same spot. (I hope not, but he may be) Your son is young, he may snap out of it. But in the meantime, do your level best to let go of your expectations of "normal" and try to let go of understanding.............it'll make your days a whole lot easier. Many many hugs............... [/QUOTE]
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