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Can't give an inch...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 642084" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Actually, nothing bad seems fair. All of us are dealing with very cunning, difficult, mostly smart and manipulative, not-so-nice adult children who want us to be their mommies and daddies forever. And, Lil, you are right. If you give an inch they take a mile. Even worse, if you do, say, pay for that rental while he makes $8/hr., he may just decide $8/hr. is good enough for him and that this is his life and it's ok because you'll pick him up when he needs it. He won't move on. Then if he gets married, will he be able to support a family? I know i"m jumping ahead, but I really believe it is imperative to show that we care and love our different adult children, BUT I don't think it is a good idea to do it by supporting their lives. Of course, that's just my idea. I would not be able to afford to help support another family and you know your son will marry or get somebody pregnant one day and then there will be more to pay monetarily. My goal was, if nothing else, to make my children financially independent. I couldn't affect t heir life choices, but I sure tried to drum THAT into their heads by NOT handing them lots of free money, a free car, allowance, etc. They all worked or had no money. Period. And it paid off in the long run, really. Yes, I felt some guilt at the time, but I was driven to make sure they had good work ethics, even 37.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if what I did was right or not, but all of my kids, even my personality-challenged one, is working hard and has his own place and pays his own bills...doesn't mean he doesn't try to get his father to pay for anything he doesn't want to pay for himself, but if his dad says no, he can take care of himself.</p><p></p><p>I do think it is a much harder road to travel for those who have only children. I was able to take my focus off of my faltering adult child and enjoy my thriving ones (although at one time both 37 and Julie were faltering at the same time). Lil, I get where you are coming from and how you feel. Maybe if I had more money I would have done the same thing. I'm kind of glad I never had that option.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to you and Jabby both.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 642084, member: 1550"] Actually, nothing bad seems fair. All of us are dealing with very cunning, difficult, mostly smart and manipulative, not-so-nice adult children who want us to be their mommies and daddies forever. And, Lil, you are right. If you give an inch they take a mile. Even worse, if you do, say, pay for that rental while he makes $8/hr., he may just decide $8/hr. is good enough for him and that this is his life and it's ok because you'll pick him up when he needs it. He won't move on. Then if he gets married, will he be able to support a family? I know i"m jumping ahead, but I really believe it is imperative to show that we care and love our different adult children, BUT I don't think it is a good idea to do it by supporting their lives. Of course, that's just my idea. I would not be able to afford to help support another family and you know your son will marry or get somebody pregnant one day and then there will be more to pay monetarily. My goal was, if nothing else, to make my children financially independent. I couldn't affect t heir life choices, but I sure tried to drum THAT into their heads by NOT handing them lots of free money, a free car, allowance, etc. They all worked or had no money. Period. And it paid off in the long run, really. Yes, I felt some guilt at the time, but I was driven to make sure they had good work ethics, even 37. I don't know if what I did was right or not, but all of my kids, even my personality-challenged one, is working hard and has his own place and pays his own bills...doesn't mean he doesn't try to get his father to pay for anything he doesn't want to pay for himself, but if his dad says no, he can take care of himself. I do think it is a much harder road to travel for those who have only children. I was able to take my focus off of my faltering adult child and enjoy my thriving ones (although at one time both 37 and Julie were faltering at the same time). Lil, I get where you are coming from and how you feel. Maybe if I had more money I would have done the same thing. I'm kind of glad I never had that option. Hugs to you and Jabby both. [/QUOTE]
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Can't give an inch...
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