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Can't give an inch...
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<blockquote data-quote="GuideMe" data-source="post: 642085" data-attributes="member: 18233"><p>Hey Lil. I feel the SAME way and faced with that same situation very often. I LOVE helping my daughter so much and I feel very robbed that I am not able to do so nearly as much as I want to because just like you said, the lying will start, taking advantage, so on and so forth.</p><p></p><p>What I tell myself is, and this is totally my opinion, take it or leave it. But what I tell myself is this "Maybe the whole reason why my difficult child is a difficult child is because I want to help her too much and make things easier for her, when in fact, God/nature really doesn't want us to do that and that's why it always blows up in my face"</p><p></p><p>Just yesterday, a good friend of mine gave me a $100.00 gift card and who do I give it to without a second thought just to make her happy? You guessed it, my daughter. Right away I could of kicked myself, when I saw the reaction. I can't really describe it. All I know is, after I gave it to her, just like that without her even having to earn it, it was the WRONG thing to do. I just wanted to make her happy because she was having a bad day. The worse part about it is, she asked how I got it and I told her it was for me but I wanted to give it to her. Now isn't that the epinamy of sending the wrong message? That was MY fault. Again I reinforced her belief , that I created, that anything I get , I am automatically going to give to her, which sends a very messed up message to her. What's WRONG with me? I couldn't help it at the time, I just wanted to give it to her because it makes me happy to give to her.</p><p></p><p>I get what you're saying Lil, I really do. But it seems our help HURTS them, even the most minute form of help. I think it's natures way of saying "back off mom or dad. They will never be independent if you keep doing this". So maybe it us <em><u>wanting</u></em> to help that's the problem, not the difficult child's, because they know it, they sense it. We raised them to know that in one form or another. However, I would like to think that food is an exception. I will always help my daughter with food. I wouldn't withold food from my worse enemy. I think that's just cruel to do so, you know? I think nature will be ok with me doing at least that much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="GuideMe, post: 642085, member: 18233"] Hey Lil. I feel the SAME way and faced with that same situation very often. I LOVE helping my daughter so much and I feel very robbed that I am not able to do so nearly as much as I want to because just like you said, the lying will start, taking advantage, so on and so forth. What I tell myself is, and this is totally my opinion, take it or leave it. But what I tell myself is this "Maybe the whole reason why my difficult child is a difficult child is because I want to help her too much and make things easier for her, when in fact, God/nature really doesn't want us to do that and that's why it always blows up in my face" Just yesterday, a good friend of mine gave me a $100.00 gift card and who do I give it to without a second thought just to make her happy? You guessed it, my daughter. Right away I could of kicked myself, when I saw the reaction. I can't really describe it. All I know is, after I gave it to her, just like that without her even having to earn it, it was the WRONG thing to do. I just wanted to make her happy because she was having a bad day. The worse part about it is, she asked how I got it and I told her it was for me but I wanted to give it to her. Now isn't that the epinamy of sending the wrong message? That was MY fault. Again I reinforced her belief , that I created, that anything I get , I am automatically going to give to her, which sends a very messed up message to her. What's WRONG with me? I couldn't help it at the time, I just wanted to give it to her because it makes me happy to give to her. I get what you're saying Lil, I really do. But it seems our help HURTS them, even the most minute form of help. I think it's natures way of saying "back off mom or dad. They will never be independent if you keep doing this". So maybe it us [I][U]wanting[/U][/I] to help that's the problem, not the difficult child's, because they know it, they sense it. We raised them to know that in one form or another. However, I would like to think that food is an exception. I will always help my daughter with food. I wouldn't withold food from my worse enemy. I think that's just cruel to do so, you know? I think nature will be ok with me doing at least that much. [/QUOTE]
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