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Can't give an inch...
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 642141" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>Lil, I feel for you so much. One thing we share is that we are single moms. That situation gives us lack of insight because we have no "normal" or easy child children to compare the actions of our difficult child. Also as I said before I went and re-read your entire posts and I see that you have posted that your ex had a lot of difficult child problems; so I am going to go out on a limb and say that difficult child son probably inherited these traits from difficult child Ex. Will you punish yourself and Gabber for the rest of your natural life for the biology of your difficult child son? Will you pay money better used for your and Gabber's retirement to try and stabilize the life of someone whose life may never be stabilized? Continue throwing money at a problem that you neither caused and probably is unable to be appreciated? Do you really understand that the "well it's not really pot" but a "God knows what chemical" being sold in gas stations and such, may have already caused chemical harm to a brain already saddled with difficult child tendencies caused by DNA?</p><p>When, Lil, and what is it going to take, for you to understand that you did not cause this, you didn't break this, it's not your fault and there is probably nothing you can do about it? When will you accept that "he is what he is"? What price will you pay, emotionally, mentally and financially before you accept the truth of the situation? How much will it take from you personally to understand that nothing difficult child does, is, and is capable of - is NOT your fault? </p><p></p><p></p><p>It <em>really, really, does suck! </em>He is what he is - but it is not you that is to blame, most likely he was born this way and it is so hard to accept and it sucks so bad that it is we, the mothers, feel so bad and so very sad that we are forced into a position of both loving our children and having to say no to them because we have to learn to be self-protective as these difficult child's don't really have a choice but to use or abuse, it's what their DNA tells them to do. Honesty, trust, love, these are all things that a DNA mom of a difficult child can never rely upon. Sort of a trust last and even then verify. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Personally I wouldn't call it whining, I had an emotional breakdown (not hospitalized but couldn't stop crying and dealing with the OMG what am I to do now) when I had to deal with the truth of what kind of person my child was. It's also the reason this board exists - to give you a soft place and the support to let out your emotions in a safe place. I wish I had known about this site when I went through what I went through. </p><p>It is not <strong><em>FAIR</em></strong>, that this child we devoted ourselves to, love with all our hearts is not able to reciprocate or that we unable to put any trust in them. </p><p>(for yours I will say, at least not now, at the present time)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You ARE a normal mom, it is your child that is abnormal. What you want is to be able to to normal things with a child that will hold that and those feelings against you to see how much more he can get from you for feeling the way you do. It's emotional blackmail at it's finest.</p><p>I do so feel for you Lil, because I have walked this walk for at least 20 years longer than you are and the "suck" factor doesn't get any better with time. It will always hurt, we will always have that instinct to want to help our child, and that is something we do share with all normal mothers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 642141, member: 18366"] Lil, I feel for you so much. One thing we share is that we are single moms. That situation gives us lack of insight because we have no "normal" or easy child children to compare the actions of our difficult child. Also as I said before I went and re-read your entire posts and I see that you have posted that your ex had a lot of difficult child problems; so I am going to go out on a limb and say that difficult child son probably inherited these traits from difficult child Ex. Will you punish yourself and Gabber for the rest of your natural life for the biology of your difficult child son? Will you pay money better used for your and Gabber's retirement to try and stabilize the life of someone whose life may never be stabilized? Continue throwing money at a problem that you neither caused and probably is unable to be appreciated? Do you really understand that the "well it's not really pot" but a "God knows what chemical" being sold in gas stations and such, may have already caused chemical harm to a brain already saddled with difficult child tendencies caused by DNA? When, Lil, and what is it going to take, for you to understand that you did not cause this, you didn't break this, it's not your fault and there is probably nothing you can do about it? When will you accept that "he is what he is"? What price will you pay, emotionally, mentally and financially before you accept the truth of the situation? How much will it take from you personally to understand that nothing difficult child does, is, and is capable of - is NOT your fault? It [I]really, really, does suck! [/I]He is what he is - but it is not you that is to blame, most likely he was born this way and it is so hard to accept and it sucks so bad that it is we, the mothers, feel so bad and so very sad that we are forced into a position of both loving our children and having to say no to them because we have to learn to be self-protective as these difficult child's don't really have a choice but to use or abuse, it's what their DNA tells them to do. Honesty, trust, love, these are all things that a DNA mom of a difficult child can never rely upon. Sort of a trust last and even then verify. Personally I wouldn't call it whining, I had an emotional breakdown (not hospitalized but couldn't stop crying and dealing with the OMG what am I to do now) when I had to deal with the truth of what kind of person my child was. It's also the reason this board exists - to give you a soft place and the support to let out your emotions in a safe place. I wish I had known about this site when I went through what I went through. It is not [B][I]FAIR[/I][/B], that this child we devoted ourselves to, love with all our hearts is not able to reciprocate or that we unable to put any trust in them. (for yours I will say, at least not now, at the present time) You ARE a normal mom, it is your child that is abnormal. What you want is to be able to to normal things with a child that will hold that and those feelings against you to see how much more he can get from you for feeling the way you do. It's emotional blackmail at it's finest. I do so feel for you Lil, because I have walked this walk for at least 20 years longer than you are and the "suck" factor doesn't get any better with time. It will always hurt, we will always have that instinct to want to help our child, and that is something we do share with all normal mothers. [/QUOTE]
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