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Can't give an inch...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 642148" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>You have described exactly what your situation is (and mine, too). It is a gift that sucks the big one, but gift it is, to be able to see the underlying dynamic so clearly.</p><p></p><p>I can tell you that you are correct.</p><p></p><p>I don't think the kids do it with malice. I think they see us as so fortunate, and as such cheapskates for not helping "family." </p><p></p><p>Yet, they only choose to be family when it is them who wants something. Not when it is time to go to school, or pay their own bills, or not use drugs.</p><p></p><p>If it is any comfort Lil, YOU know you will help him <em>when you have seen progress.</em> It took us the longest time to get over thinking we could pour enough money into either or our children to make a difference. </p><p></p><p>No matter how much Lil, and no matter for how long, our money, our time, our home or our paying for their apartments, electricity, insurance, license re-instatements and fines ~ none of that made a difference. The only thing that seems to have made a difference is to say "no", knowing we are there for them when we decide it is time.</p><p></p><p>When WE decide it is time.</p><p></p><p>When WE see that the child is doing what will give him or her a future.</p><p></p><p>Otherwise, you will be, like we did, funding an addict's lifestyle. Addicted people will say anything, betray anyone (even themselves) to have what they need: the drug of choice.</p><p></p><p>It doesn't feel like it Lil, but you and Jabber are doing what must be done.</p><p></p><p>It is hard.</p><p></p><p>I applaud you.</p><p></p><p>It is a lonely thing, to be required to raise a child this way.</p><p></p><p>I stand with you.</p><p></p><p>As our Seeking Strength tells us Lil, stay close to the site through this time.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 642148, member: 17461"] You have described exactly what your situation is (and mine, too). It is a gift that sucks the big one, but gift it is, to be able to see the underlying dynamic so clearly. I can tell you that you are correct. I don't think the kids do it with malice. I think they see us as so fortunate, and as such cheapskates for not helping "family." Yet, they only choose to be family when it is them who wants something. Not when it is time to go to school, or pay their own bills, or not use drugs. If it is any comfort Lil, YOU know you will help him [I]when you have seen progress.[/I] It took us the longest time to get over thinking we could pour enough money into either or our children to make a difference. No matter how much Lil, and no matter for how long, our money, our time, our home or our paying for their apartments, electricity, insurance, license re-instatements and fines ~ none of that made a difference. The only thing that seems to have made a difference is to say "no", knowing we are there for them when we decide it is time. When WE decide it is time. When WE see that the child is doing what will give him or her a future. Otherwise, you will be, like we did, funding an addict's lifestyle. Addicted people will say anything, betray anyone (even themselves) to have what they need: the drug of choice. It doesn't feel like it Lil, but you and Jabber are doing what must be done. It is hard. I applaud you. It is a lonely thing, to be required to raise a child this way. I stand with you. As our Seeking Strength tells us Lil, stay close to the site through this time. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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