Can't ingest ANYTHING without

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by nvts, Jun 5, 2008.

  1. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    someone else's face in it! Coffee, diet soda, breakfast, lunch, dinner, animal, vegetable or mineral.

    "Can I have a bite?" "Can I have a sip?" "Can I finish this?"

    It is driving me NUTS!

    The phone rang (once again during dinner) from one of the mortgage lenders (doing a Home Equity loan to try to get out from under the dreaded credit cards that we filled up when husband was out of work!). By the time I got back to the table, the kids were done and were asking to eat my dinner.

    This morning, 2 wanted cereal, 1 wanted scrambled eggs, so what the heck? it's a vacation day, I don't mind. I scramble myself an egg as well. Well, difficult child 1 so kindly gets me a fork (out of the goodness of his heart) and proceeds to start. "Can I have a bite?"

    Maybe I'm just a little on edge, but this has been driving me crazy for a really long time.

    Now I know why my metabolism is shot and I'm insulin resistant...I only eat after it's 10:00 at night (I kid you not, I was having a bowl of cereal and husband came down and said "Hey, wucha got?")!

    When's the shower and can we trade in the pool boys for a plastic surgeon? Not for my "flabdomen"; I want facial reconstruction - they can't find me if they don't know what I look like!

  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Serious suggestion, Beth - I keep the fridge loaded with food. I cook in bulk, freeze a lot of it but also keep enough in the fridge so they can microwave something when they are hungry. And because it is good, home-cooked food, I know they're not filling up on junk.

    For example, when the kids were younger and not really up to re-heating something safely for themselves, I would cook lots of sausages, a dozen or more at a time, and put them on a plate in the fridge. The kids would just go and help themselves. Similarly, a plate (or container) of vegetable chunks, or fruit is always available. I tend to not cook cake or biscuits much; if I do, I don't make its presence as obvious as the healthy food. And if the kids pig out on snacking from the fridge it's still OK because what they ate was as good as a meal anyway. So what if they spoil their appetite for dinner? They spoiled it by eating dinner!

    The habit you describe drives everyone here mad as well. difficult child 3 is the worst - easy child 2/difficult child 2 will get herself some pasta (the favourite snack of teens/young adults, it seems) and difficult child 3 will see it and suddenly want some. "Please will you make me some too?"

    easy child 2/difficult child 2 has now insisted on him cooking his own, after she's done, on the grounds that he only wanted it because he saw it. if he REALLY wants some, then he will want it badly enough to get it himself. Why should someone's enjoyment of their meal or snack be disrupted just because someone else is both greedy and lazy? Sometimes we gratify our children too readily and train them to see the world as only existing to instantly meet their needs.

    That doesn't mean we can't plan ahead and do a kind thing for someone else - I've also trained the kids to ask, "I'm about to make pasta - does anyone else want some?"

    But failure to speak up at the time, or walking in halfway through and wanting to share - sorry. Get your own. It's the grossest invasion of personal space I can think of, to raid someone else's food without permission (or to even expect that it's OK to do so). husband excepted, of course, when it comes to my plate, because he and I have already established our own ground rules which work - for us.

  3. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I'm happy to say that is ONE problem I've never had. Imagine that! They eat what I cook, and don't dare ask me to make something different. I could cook cricket legs and they'd eat them.:sushi:

  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Run AWAY, run AWAY!

    I've taken to pointing to the kitchen if anyone's asking for something else after I've already prepared them a meal. Everyone here knows how to make a sandwich, or toast, or cereal, or even microwave soup. Once I sit down to eat MY meal (and I'm usually the last one to the table), I'm DONE serving! They live here, they know where we keep everything, so they're on their own.
  5. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    OHHHH I am so with you on this one. If I go to the kitchen and start to make myself something, I always hear can you make me some or they want part of mine. At dinner they they'll finish theirs and ask for part of mine. easy child is especially bad for this, but they all do it. There can even be more still in the kitchen, but either they're too lazy to go get it or mine just looks better, I don't know. It can drive you nuts.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Then you need to make meals that NO ONE else would eat - like rattlesnake meat spaghetti, or limberger cheese samich and when they say

    CAN I HAVE A BITE? SAY Nope - you can have the whole samich but you WILL EAT EVERY SINGLE BITE.

    bwha ha ha.......
  7. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I never minded the request to make something for both of us. I did mind can I have a bite of yours. Um, NO! No other discussion, just no. It took a bit, but mine learned she was welcome to get herself something or even ask me to fix her something but unless I offered, the food in front of me was off limits. Even if she's really thirsty and the only liquid available is my drink, she won't ask for some.
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It reminds me of "A Christmas Story" where Ralphie's mom "has never eaten a warm meal herself."

    And, not that I'm comparing kids to pets, but...

    For about ten years we let Bubba clean our plates after dinner. This meant a lot of drooling and watching and as soon as we slowed down or if we tried to have a conversation the whining started. When we got Mandy, her tummy was so upset we knew we couldn't do that with her so that had to stop.

    It took about a three days to clear it up in Bubba's mind. I tried redirecting him with "Bubba, go away" which is a command he knows. This didn't work. So, I gave him the biggest deepest loudest "BUBBA GO AWAY" with the finger pointed towards the carpet in the other room. The first night or two, he'd come back two minutes later, and I'd do the same thing. This is 11 months ago, and we've never had it happen again. He knows he's not getting anything, and he knows I'm going to bite his head off if he asks again.

    Just a thought... ;)
  9. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    you scared me I thought you caught my "bug" LOL
  10. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Witzend was thinking the same as I - kinda - I would make an announcement that no more sharing of food. From this moment forward, you DO NOT ask mom for a bite or drink of whatever she has. Mom needs her food just as much as everyone else. Maybe a few minutes (choose toward the end - not the whole meal) of sharing when at a resturaunt and you want to try something that someone else has but not at home.

    I have also just got the point accross to my family of, "Do not bug Mom when she is eating. Mom gets to take her time and enjoy the food. She will not jump up to get this or that."
  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest


    Just say no. :sheepish:

    difficult child used to be the same way and I found myself feeling resentful. I give her so much and she takes so much and now I couldn't even have a meal of my own.

    So, I said no.
  12. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I had to chuckle, Star, at the suggestion of making something distasteful.

    Doesn't always work. My kids developed a taste for black olives and pickled octopus...

  13. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Marg, gotta love it. Octopus was out of the question as I grew up in a Kosher household, but I sure grew up with a taste for anchovy toast and pickled olives of all kinds.

    I've been known to like the occasional kipper as well, LoL.