Can't keep doing this....

[JKF]

Had the phone conference with CMO and psychiatric hospital today. STILL no resolution on who is going to place difficult child is shelter. No one wants to take the responsibility. Then just before got a call from DYFS. The case worker told me that at this point there's nothing left to do except for me to bring difficult child home until CMO places him in a PRN. He said there's another court date next Friday and that this will be recommended by all agency's plus the psychiatric hospital. He said it's almost 100% likely that the judge will agree with them that he needs to come home with me at that point. I'm speechless. Disgusted. Scared. I guess when difficult child kills me maybe someone will listen then??? Is that what it's going to take for these people to realize how serious this situation is???

 

[HaoZi]

Really? Is the judge aware of this? I doubt it.

 

[JKF]

Really? Is the judge aware of this? I doubt it.

We will be going in front of a different judge this time. The Dr. and hospital were very upset that the previous judge used the word "catastrophic" when going on record about how he felt about difficult child coming home. I think I'm going to consult with an attorney on Monday. Can't hurt right? No one is listening to the fact that I'm TERRIFIED to bring difficult child home due to the death threats. They think bc he is stable in the psychiatric hospital he will be stable at home! Total BS!

 

[HaoZi]

Keep refusing to bring him home. Why a different judge?

 

[JKF]

Keep refusing to bring him home. Why a different judge?

Because court is only held every two weeks at the psychiatric hospital and it's a different judge each time. I guess they rotate or something. I'm definitely refusing to bring him home and have filed an order of protection but the guy from DYFS told me earlier that if I refuse to bring difficult child home on Friday after being ordered by the judge to do so that they can also take my 10 y/o away too at that point. I'm very frustrated and so angry. DYFS already said there's no neglect on my part because the psychiatrist recommended residential care but now they're singing a different tune because no one wants to take responsibility. I don't understand why I'm the one being punished and harassed after having my life threatened by difficult child!

 

[HaoZi]

Get a great attorney, and make these agencies take responsibility for anything he does since they think he's stable. I recall some others here being in a similar predicament, I hope they come along soon with their experiences and how they handled it.

 

[DammitJanet]

They are threatening you. Go and get a copy of the court record where the other judge ordered the placement. It is public record especially to you as his parent. They will also threaten to take away your other child if you let your oldest son back in the home when you know he is a risk to you and your youngest son...you are in a no win situation. Better to fight it out with him out of the home. Safer. I feel probably 90% safe in saying they are bluffing. They truly dont want more kids in foster care which is what they get if they also take your younger son. To what good does that do? Then they would just have both kids in their care. You wont bring home the oldest so they can keep your youngest! Illogical. Some county attorney is going to put the dollars and cents together on that one and the county attorney does have to sign off on the petition. Right now, its all people yapping at you. Stand strong and refuse to give up your stance.

Actually I just thought of this...would your son voluntarily sign himself in to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)??? Does he have to be signed in by the judge? We didnt have to have the judge court order my son because he waived his rights. He just voluntarily signed himself into his placements because he knew I would kill him if he didnt go along with what I decided was in his best interest.

 

[JKF]

The judge never ordered the placement. He just ordered that difficult child be released from psychiatric hospital within 10 days and told CMO and DYFS to figure out where he would go from there. The psychiatrist is the one who recommended the placement because difficult child is a threat to me and judge agreed that sending him home would be "catastrophic". However, the hospital and psychiatrist now don't like that word and are saying the judge blew it out of proportion by using it. I'm so disgusted at this whole thing. Never in my life could I have imagined the hell we would be going through regarding this situation! And now for them to say they could possibly take my 10 y/o if I don't agree to bring difficult child home! I'm in shock! I may not win mother of the year award but I know for a fact that my kids are loved and well cared for! As hard as it is right now with all the stress and emotions, I am more determined than ever to stand my ground and not let these agency's off the hook!

As for signing himself in voluntarily, as of last week he was asking to go to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). He made it clear that he wanted to go instead of coming home because he knew the situation was bad! Not sure how he feels now since he won't call me or return my calls. He's angry that I won't let him come home after he apologized for what happened. I tried to explain to him that I accept his apology but death threats are serious and we can't let him come home. Haven't heard from him since.

 

[JJJ]

Is DS2 the son of your current hubby?

If so, play their game. Leave DS2 with his dad. If possible, have husband and DS2 go stay with relatives or friends for a few days (or even a hotel). Do not send DS2 to school or day care, use family or friends that agree not to allow DYFS to speak to DS2 without a court order. Do not tell DYFS that they are leaving the home.

Contact a women's domestic violence shelter, arrange to go there if necessary.

Have your attorney argue that difficult child cannot come home due to safety issues. If it appears that difficult child is going to be released to you on the spot, walk out and go to the shelter, call husband and tell him to take DS2 to the 'safe house'. Have your attorney inform the judge that you have gone to a shelter and you are not available to take difficult child therefore he must go into foster care. Check with your attorney to make sure that you are following all laws but do not let them force you to take him home. Make them do their job -- to keep everyone safe.

 

[JJJ]

How many days until he turns 18? Please, please tell me you are not in New York.

 

[JKF]

Is DS2 the son of your current hubby?

If so, play their game. Leave DS2 with his dad. If possible, have husband and DS2 go stay with relatives or friends for a few days (or even a hotel). Do not send DS2 to school or day care, use family or friends that agree not to allow DYFS to speak to DS2 without a court order. Do not tell DYFS that they are leaving the home.

Contact a women's domestic violence shelter, arrange to go there if necessary.

Have your attorney argue that difficult child cannot come home due to safety issues. If it appears that difficult child is going to be released to you on the spot, walk out and go to the shelter, call husband and tell him to take DS2 to the 'safe house'. Have your attorney inform the judge that you have gone to a shelter and you are not available to take difficult child therefore he must go into foster care. Check with your attorney to make sure that you are following all laws but do not let them force you to take him home. Make them do their job -- to keep everyone safe.

Unfortunately both DS1 and DS2 are not the sons of my current hubby. Both sons share a father who is in prison for armed robbery! My current hubby is their step father and he is the complete opposite of their bio dad. He's patient, understanding, kind, etc.

I am contacting an attorney on Monday. I feel like I'm being punished for trying to keep myself and family safe (including difficult child). There were clear death threats (many) and a death plot. Do I think he would carry through? I don't know! That's the problem! I can't take that risk! We have 10 months until he turns 18. The CMO has agreed to place him in intensive out of home therapy for 6 months but they want him home until they find a bed. Not happening!

And no, we are in NJ...not NY!

 

[keista]

You have an order of protection, right? Have you served your son with it? Have you given copies to the CMO and DYFS? If they try to put him in your home, you call the cops to have the order enforced and cite CMO and DYFS as contributing third parties. I'm pretty sure if you threatened THEM with this scenario, they'd stop making their threats.

So what if the doctors at the psychiatric hospital were "upset" by the judges use of the word catastrophic on record? They are the ones that initially agreed that he should NOT go home. Besides, you now DO have it on record that that's what the judge believed. I'm sure there is some legal ploy you can run if this second judge just overturns the first judge's order. They are not supposed to do that to each other without a due process of some sort, but you'll have to know what to ask for - some sort of motion, or change of venue, or something.

I'd start calling some attorneys right now and leave messages. Some do keep weekend and evening hours and might get back to you sooner rather than later.

by the way is there anywhere you can send your other son for the weekend or a week or two? Maybe your husband and he can go for a vacation? Preferably out of state? Here's my logic.
The worst possible scenario is that difficult child will be forced home. If you are completely unable to stop it, you MUST protect your other child from possibly witnessing your murder, so to prevent further trauma, you sent him to visit with family/friends for a while. "Oh, DYFS worker, you're respecting my refusal and now want my other child? Yeah, sorry, he is safe elsewhere because I HAD to protect him in case difficult child did come home!"

 

[JJJ]

Good news that you are not in New York (as you are responsible for them until 19 in that lovely state).

Have you tried looking at private crisis shelters in your state. Google "Mercy Home", "Boys Town", "Shelter Care" , etc. There may be short-term non-DYFS housing out there.

 

[DammitJanet]

Have YOU considered traveling for a vacation and not being able to be contacted immediately at their whim? I dunno...maybe a car issue could delay your return indefinitely? Or perhaps you could go abroad and lose your passport.

 

[Liahona]

I agree with those that suggested DS2 and husband leave the state for awhile and don't tell DCYS they've gone. Keista has a good come back should a judge ask about it 'keeping DS2 safe from difficult child as it looked like difficult child might come home'. Then no matter what else happens you know that DS2 is safe. My family has had experience that agencies across state lines don't work with each other. I also agree with getting a lawyer. Make sure to ask the lawyer if they have won a case against DCYS before. They are ganging up on you and bullying you. You have a court order saying not to bring difficult child home and that they have to place him. They should not be able to take action against you while you have the judges backing.