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Can't leave this family alone for a minute: VENT
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 57595" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I would lay this one right back where it belongs - with husband. Don't get angry, just firm - "You were in charge, you KNOW they're difficult children, you have to be specific with instructions AND supervise."</p><p></p><p>Then hand him the cleaning gear to begin ono the room, while you take the mucky kid outside to clean. It's a team effort, raising kids, and too many DHs cop out of responsibility by playing the "I don't know what to do" card.</p><p></p><p>Well, buddy, there's only one way to learn what to do - practice!</p><p></p><p>I really HATE being indispensable. A classic example - "Mum! I want to eat the leftover chicken and rice; how long do I put it in the microwave for? And what setting?"</p><p></p><p>I ALWAYS get asked this one, as if I have some magic, inbuilt detector. I keep saying, "loosen the lid and warm it on Medium in 1 minute bursts until it's warm enough."</p><p>"But how will I know?"</p><p>"You stick your finger in it."</p><p>"But I might burn myself!"</p><p>"Then go hungry - why always ask me?"</p><p>"Because you always know!"</p><p>"Only because I do it for myself and have learned."</p><p>"That's what I mean, Mum - you always know. So pleaaase, Mum - do it for me?"</p><p></p><p>Would you believe, I don't? And they still expect me to?</p><p></p><p>And it's not just difficult child 3, it's the others too. It was difficult child 3 last time, he was getting more and more frustrated, to the point of banging his head, because I wouldn't warm his chicken and rice for him. Turns out he thought he had to remove it from the container and warm the chicken separately from the rice.</p><p></p><p>It seems a small thing compared to plaster and paint, but it all comes down to the same thing - when we step in and do it for them, they always expect us to be there, saving them from themselves.</p><p></p><p>I was getting difficult child 1 to help me in the kitchen one evening, stirring pots of sauce, soup or whatever, and he said, "I really don't enjoy doing this, you know."</p><p>"And you think I do?" I replied, not quite speechless.</p><p>"But you're a mother - mothers do this sort of thing for their families because they enjoy it. Don't you?"</p><p>He wasn't joking. And by this time, I WAS speechless. He actually believed that the instant you become a mother, your brain pathways become permanently switched into Stepford mode. After I told him (eventually) he sure knows better now.</p><p></p><p>If you let them get away with wrong thinking (and the resultant extra work for you, due to their short-sightedness) then they will continue to do this and treat you like a doormat. And this goes for DHs, too.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 57595, member: 1991"] I would lay this one right back where it belongs - with husband. Don't get angry, just firm - "You were in charge, you KNOW they're difficult children, you have to be specific with instructions AND supervise." Then hand him the cleaning gear to begin ono the room, while you take the mucky kid outside to clean. It's a team effort, raising kids, and too many DHs cop out of responsibility by playing the "I don't know what to do" card. Well, buddy, there's only one way to learn what to do - practice! I really HATE being indispensable. A classic example - "Mum! I want to eat the leftover chicken and rice; how long do I put it in the microwave for? And what setting?" I ALWAYS get asked this one, as if I have some magic, inbuilt detector. I keep saying, "loosen the lid and warm it on Medium in 1 minute bursts until it's warm enough." "But how will I know?" "You stick your finger in it." "But I might burn myself!" "Then go hungry - why always ask me?" "Because you always know!" "Only because I do it for myself and have learned." "That's what I mean, Mum - you always know. So pleaaase, Mum - do it for me?" Would you believe, I don't? And they still expect me to? And it's not just difficult child 3, it's the others too. It was difficult child 3 last time, he was getting more and more frustrated, to the point of banging his head, because I wouldn't warm his chicken and rice for him. Turns out he thought he had to remove it from the container and warm the chicken separately from the rice. It seems a small thing compared to plaster and paint, but it all comes down to the same thing - when we step in and do it for them, they always expect us to be there, saving them from themselves. I was getting difficult child 1 to help me in the kitchen one evening, stirring pots of sauce, soup or whatever, and he said, "I really don't enjoy doing this, you know." "And you think I do?" I replied, not quite speechless. "But you're a mother - mothers do this sort of thing for their families because they enjoy it. Don't you?" He wasn't joking. And by this time, I WAS speechless. He actually believed that the instant you become a mother, your brain pathways become permanently switched into Stepford mode. After I told him (eventually) he sure knows better now. If you let them get away with wrong thinking (and the resultant extra work for you, due to their short-sightedness) then they will continue to do this and treat you like a doormat. And this goes for DHs, too. Marg [/QUOTE]
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