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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 688316" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm sorry you had to find us, but welcome. Where did any of us go wrong? We all wonder.After my divorce and remarriage, my daughter got on drugs. She's clean now a long time, thank God, but even today I feel like my choices triggered hers. I have talked to her about what happened...honestly, I feel as if I didn't parent her as well as my other kids because the divorce distracted me. She says the drugs may have happened anyway...she is very generous. I'm harder on me.</p><p></p><p>I think our kids are what they are due to DNA, us, peers, experiences, not necessarily in that order. More and more...DNA is being studied regarding behavior. Did she have a dysfunctional bio. Father? Maybe her bio. Father, absent or not, made her feel unloved. That would probably matter to her more than stepfather, unless he had been abusive. Is she perhaps heavily steeped in her bio. Dads DNA? Often kids are very much like parents they never even met due to genetics. Ask any adoptive parent who knows his child's birth parents. It can be uncanny.</p><p></p><p>Regardless of DNA, every adult can choose to go for help to change. Are drugs involved here?</p><p></p><p>What is she doing with her life? Does she live with you? Do you pay her bills? Are you going to let her come home to you? In many cases that isn't workable for our adult children who won't grow up.</p><p></p><p>One last thing, at your daughters age she and she alone is responsible for her choice of friends and partners. Unless you forced her into an arranged marriage (bad attempt for some levity <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/weird.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":weird:" title="weird :weird:" data-shortname=":weird:" /> you did not pick abusers for her. Please be kind to yourself. Your daughter is a woman now. Her choices are on her own shoulders, Hon. Guilt doesn't help her and it hurts you, a good mum who never did one thing ever that you felt was not good for your daughter.</p><p></p><p>You are a loving mom and a champ or you would not have bothered to come here.</p><p></p><p>Try to find some peace tonight.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 688316, member: 1550"] I'm sorry you had to find us, but welcome. Where did any of us go wrong? We all wonder.After my divorce and remarriage, my daughter got on drugs. She's clean now a long time, thank God, but even today I feel like my choices triggered hers. I have talked to her about what happened...honestly, I feel as if I didn't parent her as well as my other kids because the divorce distracted me. She says the drugs may have happened anyway...she is very generous. I'm harder on me. I think our kids are what they are due to DNA, us, peers, experiences, not necessarily in that order. More and more...DNA is being studied regarding behavior. Did she have a dysfunctional bio. Father? Maybe her bio. Father, absent or not, made her feel unloved. That would probably matter to her more than stepfather, unless he had been abusive. Is she perhaps heavily steeped in her bio. Dads DNA? Often kids are very much like parents they never even met due to genetics. Ask any adoptive parent who knows his child's birth parents. It can be uncanny. Regardless of DNA, every adult can choose to go for help to change. Are drugs involved here? What is she doing with her life? Does she live with you? Do you pay her bills? Are you going to let her come home to you? In many cases that isn't workable for our adult children who won't grow up. One last thing, at your daughters age she and she alone is responsible for her choice of friends and partners. Unless you forced her into an arranged marriage (bad attempt for some levity :weird: you did not pick abusers for her. Please be kind to yourself. Your daughter is a woman now. Her choices are on her own shoulders, Hon. Guilt doesn't help her and it hurts you, a good mum who never did one thing ever that you felt was not good for your daughter. You are a loving mom and a champ or you would not have bothered to come here. Try to find some peace tonight. [/QUOTE]
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