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can't shake this down feeling
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 725397" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I know how you feel. I adopted a beloved, brilliant, handsome little six year old Prince (in my eyes) from an orphanage in an Asian country. I have three other adopted kids . They are in my heart as deeply as my biological son. But the six year old, after a lovely childhood, married a woman who clearly was hostile to all of us. I haven't heard from him in fifteen years and never saw his two boys.</p><p></p><p>I had intense therapy for two years and had to grieve as if it were a death.</p><p></p><p>There is a forum called Parents Estranged From Adult Children. Maybe search for it. Everyone there is in different stages of estrangement and some are also grandparents who cant see the grandkids. I am well over it, but I visited the site to read the stories of others.</p><p></p><p>One word of warning. If you visit baby daddy's house he can take out a restraining order on you. In fact many times adult children do this if we show up on their doorsteps and they don't want us to visit. Some file harassment charges if we call them a lot or email them a lot etc. It can get ugly and we have no power. Grands have no legal rights under normal circumstances.</p><p></p><p>As sad as it is, legally we have no rights to our family at all, and we can get into trouble. Just like your long lost Uncle Merlin can't come to your house drunk and demand to come in to see his nieces and nephews. You can take action. So can they. And some do!</p><p></p><p>The truth is, grandkids that don't know us are likely fine without us. My grands don't pine for me. They don't know me. But...One thing proven is that if a parent does not respect her own family, her kids are much more likely to leave THEM when they are adults. There are consequences sometimes.</p><p></p><p>I recommend therapy. It helps! You have other kids and you have much to be happy about. This daughter is more likely to ruin the holiday for everyone rather than enhancing it. You can't force this, but you CAN move on. You can get help to learn to cope and let go.</p><p></p><p>Love and hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 725397, member: 1550"] I know how you feel. I adopted a beloved, brilliant, handsome little six year old Prince (in my eyes) from an orphanage in an Asian country. I have three other adopted kids . They are in my heart as deeply as my biological son. But the six year old, after a lovely childhood, married a woman who clearly was hostile to all of us. I haven't heard from him in fifteen years and never saw his two boys. I had intense therapy for two years and had to grieve as if it were a death. There is a forum called Parents Estranged From Adult Children. Maybe search for it. Everyone there is in different stages of estrangement and some are also grandparents who cant see the grandkids. I am well over it, but I visited the site to read the stories of others. One word of warning. If you visit baby daddy's house he can take out a restraining order on you. In fact many times adult children do this if we show up on their doorsteps and they don't want us to visit. Some file harassment charges if we call them a lot or email them a lot etc. It can get ugly and we have no power. Grands have no legal rights under normal circumstances. As sad as it is, legally we have no rights to our family at all, and we can get into trouble. Just like your long lost Uncle Merlin can't come to your house drunk and demand to come in to see his nieces and nephews. You can take action. So can they. And some do! The truth is, grandkids that don't know us are likely fine without us. My grands don't pine for me. They don't know me. But...One thing proven is that if a parent does not respect her own family, her kids are much more likely to leave THEM when they are adults. There are consequences sometimes. I recommend therapy. It helps! You have other kids and you have much to be happy about. This daughter is more likely to ruin the holiday for everyone rather than enhancing it. You can't force this, but you CAN move on. You can get help to learn to cope and let go. Love and hugs. [/QUOTE]
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