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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 627776" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Shiela, I am so sorry for your hurt and the ongoing betrayal of your love and support. </p><p></p><p>I think it is the very best of us----when we listen to people we love, we take what they say at face value, we believe it, and then we respond with a small act of assistance---like you did when husband took your son to Kmart and bought him those few essentials.</p><p></p><p>Then, we learn something new about them and about us if and when they make the choice to do what your son did. </p><p></p><p><u>It is never wrong to do what you did, in terms of the type of person you are and want to be.</u> </p><p></p><p>That small act of believing in him was not big enough to do him true harm, and it did allow you to respond in a human way to someone you love.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry your son is not ready to live a life of honesty and change. That is what he told you with the thing he did. </p><p></p><p>The good news here (if you can find something good in this, and I am working to do that) is that your eyes are opened a little bit more. You can now move forward a little bit on your own road to recovery, grieving and crying and accepting and detaching, once again, a little bit more, from this grown man---this adult---whom you love so very much but who continues to make bad choices for his own life.</p><p></p><p>I think with each act like this that our difficult children make, we let them go a little bit more. That is the good part.</p><p></p><p>The sad (so sad) part is that they are still not ready for change. When, we ask, will they EVER be ready? We fear never. And we may be right, but Shiela, we don't know. </p><p></p><p>God did not give us this ability to know the future, and that is a blessing. It is never too late for someone to change. Never. </p><p></p><p>And God can work miracles, and does every day. But, the person has to want it, open himself or herself to it, and work hard.</p><p></p><p>Who knows? Maybe this time, very soon, your son will decide that enough is enough. If you and I can stay out of the way of our difficult children and their lives, maybe they will take responsibility, maybe they will see clearly, maybe they will finally be ready to take charge of themselves and live out the lessons we have taught them since they were little.</p><p></p><p>I don't know, Shiela. I completely understand because I am and still will be living this same life you are living with my 25-year-old son, who is today in jail for the 8th or 9th time in three years. </p><p></p><p>Will he EVER get it? That is the $64,000 question for us all here. I do know this: If he EVER does, it won't be through anything I do or don't do. </p><p></p><p>Warm big hugs and love for you today. Please be extra kind to yourself for the next day or two. Get your bearings again. Work for change in your own life---to detach with love, to accept, to find peace and joy and serenity, regardless of what your son decides to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 627776, member: 17542"] Shiela, I am so sorry for your hurt and the ongoing betrayal of your love and support. I think it is the very best of us----when we listen to people we love, we take what they say at face value, we believe it, and then we respond with a small act of assistance---like you did when husband took your son to Kmart and bought him those few essentials. Then, we learn something new about them and about us if and when they make the choice to do what your son did. [U]It is never wrong to do what you did, in terms of the type of person you are and want to be.[/U] That small act of believing in him was not big enough to do him true harm, and it did allow you to respond in a human way to someone you love. I am sorry your son is not ready to live a life of honesty and change. That is what he told you with the thing he did. The good news here (if you can find something good in this, and I am working to do that) is that your eyes are opened a little bit more. You can now move forward a little bit on your own road to recovery, grieving and crying and accepting and detaching, once again, a little bit more, from this grown man---this adult---whom you love so very much but who continues to make bad choices for his own life. I think with each act like this that our difficult children make, we let them go a little bit more. That is the good part. The sad (so sad) part is that they are still not ready for change. When, we ask, will they EVER be ready? We fear never. And we may be right, but Shiela, we don't know. God did not give us this ability to know the future, and that is a blessing. It is never too late for someone to change. Never. And God can work miracles, and does every day. But, the person has to want it, open himself or herself to it, and work hard. Who knows? Maybe this time, very soon, your son will decide that enough is enough. If you and I can stay out of the way of our difficult children and their lives, maybe they will take responsibility, maybe they will see clearly, maybe they will finally be ready to take charge of themselves and live out the lessons we have taught them since they were little. I don't know, Shiela. I completely understand because I am and still will be living this same life you are living with my 25-year-old son, who is today in jail for the 8th or 9th time in three years. Will he EVER get it? That is the $64,000 question for us all here. I do know this: If he EVER does, it won't be through anything I do or don't do. Warm big hugs and love for you today. Please be extra kind to yourself for the next day or two. Get your bearings again. Work for change in your own life---to detach with love, to accept, to find peace and joy and serenity, regardless of what your son decides to do. [/QUOTE]
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