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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 627807" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Ouch.</p><p></p><p>But Shiela, in this terrible place where we are with our kids...that was not much to pay for what you have learned about where your son is with his addiction.</p><p></p><p>Addiction is the wrongness here Shiela. Not you or husband, and not even your son. We parents have to be wiser and stronger than we ever knew we could be, when our children are caught in addiction.</p><p></p><p>You and husband did the right thing. You love your child. You want him to do well.</p><p></p><p>But you cannot do this for him.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this happened, Shiela. But it taught you a necessary lesson. You will be stronger, next time.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It helped us Shiela, to figure out what we would need to see before we would help. We decided we needed to see that the child had a goal he had already made progress toward. That is how you will know when and whether to help. Knowing when we will help gives us firm ground to stand on when we refuse to help.</p><p></p><p>And boy, we need that.</p><p></p><p>What we learned is that if the child is on the right path? He will not need our help. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It gets to be about the choice to survive it, Shiela. It is a choice. COM posts about her toolbox, about the tools she knows will help her stay strong and steady. I like that analogy. We are in the middle of something that really can destroy us. Something that may destroy our child, whatever we do. It is impossible to face that stuff. But we don't get to opt out. </p><p></p><p>So, if we are going to make it Shiela, we have to choose health, we have to work toward happiness, we have to be constantly aware of the pain of it, and we need to take measures to reclaim our lives and our joy in our marriages and in each other.</p><p></p><p>We aren't going to make it otherwise. And then? The addiction that is destroying our children destroys us, too.</p><p></p><p>Fight it, Shiela.</p><p></p><p>What are your tools?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 627807, member: 17461"] Ouch. But Shiela, in this terrible place where we are with our kids...that was not much to pay for what you have learned about where your son is with his addiction. Addiction is the wrongness here Shiela. Not you or husband, and not even your son. We parents have to be wiser and stronger than we ever knew we could be, when our children are caught in addiction. You and husband did the right thing. You love your child. You want him to do well. But you cannot do this for him. I am sorry this happened, Shiela. But it taught you a necessary lesson. You will be stronger, next time. It helped us Shiela, to figure out what we would need to see before we would help. We decided we needed to see that the child had a goal he had already made progress toward. That is how you will know when and whether to help. Knowing when we will help gives us firm ground to stand on when we refuse to help. And boy, we need that. What we learned is that if the child is on the right path? He will not need our help. It gets to be about the choice to survive it, Shiela. It is a choice. COM posts about her toolbox, about the tools she knows will help her stay strong and steady. I like that analogy. We are in the middle of something that really can destroy us. Something that may destroy our child, whatever we do. It is impossible to face that stuff. But we don't get to opt out. So, if we are going to make it Shiela, we have to choose health, we have to work toward happiness, we have to be constantly aware of the pain of it, and we need to take measures to reclaim our lives and our joy in our marriages and in each other. We aren't going to make it otherwise. And then? The addiction that is destroying our children destroys us, too. Fight it, Shiela. What are your tools? Yes. Yes. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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