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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 628102" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>None of us know how to separate Sheila, we all have to learn how. That's what we are all doing here, we're in varying stages of that separation and in varying stages of learning to laugh again. Everyone has offered you good advice and support, it will be helpful for you to recognize that you are not alone, you can always come here and receive the empathy, compassion and understanding that often, we can't get in the other areas of our lives. It takes being on this path to understand the gravity and the heartbreak.</p><p></p><p>Sheila, take a step back from your sons life and make a choice to begin to focus on what your needs are. We become so embroiled in the drama of our kids lives that it takes our own lives over and we aren't aware of exactly how much we've actually lost. We've lost our joy, our peace, our sense of safety and our well being. We have to reclaim all of that. We do that incrementally. First we set those boundaries around our kids behaviors, then we access what it is going to take to bring ourselves back to LIFE. </p><p></p><p>It takes a commitment and an intention to put yourself and your needs as the priority, but once you do that, the road will become clearer for you. Make sure you and your husband are receiving some kind of support, professional therapy, Families anonymous, al-anon, CoDa, whatever works for you, it's too hard to do alone. Small things like taking a walk, journaling, meditating, lunch with friends.......... choosing joy, choosing life, choosing peace..............little by little making each day about YOU and what it is YOU want and need. As you return to your own life, the decisions you've made with your son, will become more comfortable and it will be easier for you to sustain. </p><p></p><p>It's a process. It takes time. We have to re-educate ourselves to step back from parenting and step into being people with our own lives to live, our lives are as precious and valuable as our kids and we must honor that. </p><p></p><p>With boundaries intact and a strong sense of self, we are then capable of laughter............of letting go.............of accepting what is........</p><p></p><p>One step at a time Sheila, that's how we get to peace of mind.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 628102, member: 13542"] None of us know how to separate Sheila, we all have to learn how. That's what we are all doing here, we're in varying stages of that separation and in varying stages of learning to laugh again. Everyone has offered you good advice and support, it will be helpful for you to recognize that you are not alone, you can always come here and receive the empathy, compassion and understanding that often, we can't get in the other areas of our lives. It takes being on this path to understand the gravity and the heartbreak. Sheila, take a step back from your sons life and make a choice to begin to focus on what your needs are. We become so embroiled in the drama of our kids lives that it takes our own lives over and we aren't aware of exactly how much we've actually lost. We've lost our joy, our peace, our sense of safety and our well being. We have to reclaim all of that. We do that incrementally. First we set those boundaries around our kids behaviors, then we access what it is going to take to bring ourselves back to LIFE. It takes a commitment and an intention to put yourself and your needs as the priority, but once you do that, the road will become clearer for you. Make sure you and your husband are receiving some kind of support, professional therapy, Families anonymous, al-anon, CoDa, whatever works for you, it's too hard to do alone. Small things like taking a walk, journaling, meditating, lunch with friends.......... choosing joy, choosing life, choosing peace..............little by little making each day about YOU and what it is YOU want and need. As you return to your own life, the decisions you've made with your son, will become more comfortable and it will be easier for you to sustain. It's a process. It takes time. We have to re-educate ourselves to step back from parenting and step into being people with our own lives to live, our lives are as precious and valuable as our kids and we must honor that. With boundaries intact and a strong sense of self, we are then capable of laughter............of letting go.............of accepting what is........ One step at a time Sheila, that's how we get to peace of mind. [/QUOTE]
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