OMG. My life would be so peaceful except for 35. But that's a big if. I really don't know how much longer I can take it, Al-Anon or not. If I just let him go, he's going to kill himself. Not over drugs. Over this custody battle, which is crazy. His ex makes him seem like Prince Father. She is determined, with all that is in her, to stop my son from having his son in his life at all, even refusing to list him as a contact when she signed J. up for school. She put down her boyfriend and called him Stepfather. She likes to pretend J. doesn't have a father at all and that her boyfriend has married her. It's sick. My son had to go to school to correct it, but THAT is her attitude. And the court favors women. In the meantime, I am making sure I don't take all of 35's calls, but ANY time I talk to him it's too much. He is not abusing me right now so it is harder to detach. He is frantic, crazed, sure he will lose the custody battle. My own ex, who is paying for 35's lawyer, called the lawyer today to ask about charges and 35 thinks his father is going to stop paying and hang him out to dry so that he doesn't get his son anymore. I am in shock at how the courts are when it comes to custody and how his ex refuses to mediate or settle with him on ANYTHING. Honesty, family court regarding custody is simply a forum for lawyers to make money. Even the GAL is a lawyer. Ok, so let's get to the nitty gritty. 35 is perfectly capable of killing himself if he loses this battle and it's not a battle I can help out with. I have no money. His father does. If his father pulls the plug, then he's out of luck. As of now, although he drinks too much, he is not dying of alcoholism. He is far from that. If he kills himself, it is due to mental illness. He is not unwilling to get help. He is unable to afford help. And the county/sliding scale mental health centers won't take him. His income is too high, even though he is out of money because of excess expenses, child support, and daycare and legal fees. For a child who he may barely get to see if his ex gets legal custody. (I know that doesn't mean he can't see his son legally, but she will find a way to make sure he doesn't). And he will never be able to afford to hire a lawyer again, no matter what his ex does to exclude him from his son's life. And without a lawyer, if the other one has one, you can't win. And ex will not compromise at all...so mediation is not an option. Ok, so he could die of mental illness. My son could die of mental illness, as many people have. This particular fight is enough to put a totally stable person over the edge, but he has an anxiety and mood disorder. For me, that makes it so much harder to detach. It wasn't hard for me to give Daughter a kick in the tail when she was using drugs. But it is hard for me to kick this mentally ill kid of mine who the system is failing. In this country that we live in,that doesn't offer health care, he has to chose between his mental health being treated or fighting for his son. He can't do both. It's not affordable. I picked up my Al-Anon literature and tried to get it to help me. All I kept hearing in the back of my mind was, "He won't die of alcoholism. This is a whole different issue." So it didn't help me tonight. I was undecided as to whether or not to post this. If you see it, you know what my decision was...lol. I wish there was an on and off switch to switch off love so that the hard times of our kids did not hurt so much.